People should make an effort on Mother's day.

[madaboutpurple]

I feel sorry for the Mum's who were disappointed with Mother's day presents or lack of them. At Christmas it was full of messages about husband's who made little effort. Now there are loads of messages from Mum's who got nothing. People need to be a lot more generous. I was given flowers from the supermarket manager and I am not a mum.

To be honest, I find it so commercialised and overhyped that I dislike Mother’s Day as a whole concept and I would rather ignore it completely. I don’t want the cards/gifts/flowers or breakfast in bed. Or a special cup of tea or lunch made. It’s performative and I don’t want or need it. I haven’t made a fuss of it for years- my mum is of the same view, thankfully.

If mum was really keen, I’d feel forced into making some sort of effort for her sake, though being forced into joining in the Mother’s Day circus would irritate me.

Eavan Boland would have thought that basing your self-esteem on what you were given on Mothers’ Day was absolutely ridiculous, @EavanBoland.

Because of a date on a calender people have to do something, maybe expectations should be less?

I can imagine the replies to ''I trained my wife" if I have to train anyone what on earth is the point?

My mum was a feminist before it had been invented and was clear that flowers etc could be bought at any time of the year and actively disliked the sanctification of motherhood I suppose and I agree with her. Let’s all learn to appreciate and behave nicely to each other all year. In fact it almost seems to give families an excuse to behave badly the rest of the year provided they produce a box of chocolates on mother’s day . It’s meant my now adult children have had to explain to friends that no we haven’t fallen out their mum is just a bit weird!

Both men and women in my family appreciate what people do not what they don't, If I didnt generally feel appreciated I would have relationship issues not ''oh no I did not get what list I made for them to give me'' one day of the year issue

and yes I do think part of all the drama is about how people can show off of social media, so not sure what is more depressing people training people into how to treat them or the obsession to post all about it

My mother didn't believe in it, she said it was an American custom brought over from the US in WW2.
So I have never bothered and have not encouraged my children to, either. Same with all the hype over Halloween.

Exactly. It’s really not a lot to ask for to mark a day is it. Just to make someone feel properly appreciated.

Even my ex who is an absolute c word, still manages to get me flowers and hand made cards from the kids. This comes from me always doing this on Father’s Day for him and I also explain this to the children that this is what I would like ( now they are old enough to understand ). I’m sorry to all the mums who didn’t get any acknowledgement today. When the children were very little and my ex had barely any contact, I wouldn’t get anything but my father did remember my first Mother’s Day and brought me round an orchid.

People need to be a lot more generous

What ‘people’, exactly?

Who are you to say what other people should or shouldn’t do on Mother’s Day? It’s none of your business and you’ve no idea of anyone else’s circumstances.

I do think some mothers have a very rigid view of what should happen on Mother’s Day and at some stage that is only going to result in disappointment.

It seems like some women have set ideas of what exactly they demand but will either order people around or just expect people to be psychic, and this makes it enjoyable fo them?

A made up day? It originates from the 16th century. Don’t think shops sold rubbish in those days!

Agree. These men are hopeless. Even my ex sent me a nice message to say I am an amazing mum and he couldn’t have chosen anyone better to have children with. That said, one year he deliberately ignored mothers day as we’d had a big bust up on father’s day, the year before. He waited nearly a year for his revenge. I sent him a very calm text telling him I didn’t want an argument but I was very disappointed in him, as the kids didn’t understand why they had no gift for me. He came home with gifts that evening, but that was another nail in the coffin of our relationship. My DC are old enough now to buy their own gifts and take me for a meal.

I didn’t even realise it was Mother’s Day until my daughter sent me a message. It’s not something I bother with, it’s just another day to me. I certainly wouldn’t expect anything from anyone or make them buy me something.

Or perhaps some of us just really aren’t bothered about it. It’s nothing to do with self-esteem.

The vet gave me flowers from my dog!

Exactly, everyone who lives in our house just does random stuff for each other all year round just because

And why on earth do mothers need to be celebrated everyday, they chose to have children in the first place now they need an award for it?

I don’t agree with the commercialisation of Mothering Sunday (as it should be called) but I do agree that mothers (and fathers) should be celebrated and Jessie Buckley summed that up wonderfully.

Completely agree.
My own mother never observed it, she is 96 now, and I always made it clear to my children that it did not need to be observed either. ( Although, I always received their school-made cards with appreciation and grace).

It frees them up, from guilt and obligation, and me, from potential disappointment and unmet expectation, one, or both of which, seems all too common going by the threads on here around Mother's Day.
I suppose I'm lucky that my adult DC show love and care throughout the year, by keeping in touch and Christmas and birthdays. I do understand that some people want a little attention or care, though, if they feel unappreciated generally.
But I hate the forced, commercialised part. Another Clinton Card day, it means nothing to me.
I have plenty of self-esteem, and the freedom from all the hype, for my children and me, is lovely!

Life is short. I’m a firm believer in seizing ANY opportunity to be happy, to celebrate the people we love, to treat other people nicely, to show your appreciation for them. I love Valentine’s Day so that I can show my husband I love him. On Father’s Day my adult daughter gives my husband (not her dad) a card saying he is like a father to her, spelling out her gratitude for all the DIY he does for her. Yesterday I was happy to receive cards and presents from my adult kids and my grandson saying they appreciate me and why. Of course they say thank you through the year, but the joy of having them in the house, of eating cake … What a joyless existence to dismiss everything as a Hallmark occasion, as commercialised rubbish, as just another day. What is life for if it isn’t to try and be happy?

I agree it’s over commercialised but it’s not made up like some pp said. Originally 16C it was for domestic workers to return to their ‘mother church’; their home church, where they were baptised. It fell on the middle of lent and people were allowed temporary respite from their fasting. Invariably most people saw their own mothers at this time and the day evolved.

It became over commercialised in the 20th century and Father’s Day was invented.

I don't recall mother's day being such a big thing when I was growing up. I do recall making cards at primary school (and Sunday school was a thing when I was young and I remember the children were all given daffodils to hand out to all women in the congregation) but I don't really remember buying cards and gifts (perhaps my mum would have been one to complain if the internet had been more widely available about our lack of effort).

I do think it has become commercialised and materialistic. Just reading the comments on here shows this. Many people upset because the card/gift they got was small/wrong/not what they wanted/not personalised/not meaningful etc.
Small gestures are seen as insignificant (I have seen two posts like this - one where they made breakfast using items already in the cupboard! and another where the sandwiches were bought rather than homemade).

It's another thing I blame on social media and influencers as I think people are exposed to not just what is in the shops but what other people are promoting and saying they will be getting themselves or buying their own mums.

I communicated. I said “can I please have a nice card off DC, and some flowers or an Easter egg” I got a day of stripping the bedroom.
I said “ I am purchasing X for your mum and Y for mine off Amazon, would you like me to get myself something?”
I walked into the supermarket and said “I would like an Easter egg, shall I put it in the shopping trolley”
still nothing.

I find it weird on MN that lots of people think that after the age of 8 you should never celebrate your birthday, or be disappointed if no-one remembered....so I guess it makes sense that youre "entitled" for wanting a card or any sort of gesture on Mother's day. 🤷‍♀️