To report my neighbours XL bully, it is ruining my life

[TheLangyers]

I’m 14 weeks pregnant. Me and my partner currently live on quite a rough council estate as we are saving up for a house deposit. Won’t be able to move for another couple of years.

Our next door neighbour has an XL bully. I am usually a dog lover but feel really uneasy about these dogs. My mum was a dog walker for a few years and I got bit by a pit-bull and repeatedly witnessed incidents involving them. My childhood best friend was left with lifelong facial scares after her rescue pitbull randomly decided to bite her face off during a game of fetch.

The XL bully hasn’t personally attacked us yet but it’s been involved in several incidents. It’s been known to get in fights on the local field with other dogs on the estate but owner insists it’s always the other dog’s fault. She leaves it unattended in the front garden, gate is usually closed but it could easily jump over. My partner doesn’t understand the danger that these dogs present and often encourages it to come over to stroke it when we go out. Our walls are very thin and I know from overhearing domestic arguments that it’s bitten the owners autistic grandson before when they’ve been playing.

She often walks 2 minutes the road to another friend’s house and doesn’t bother muzzling or leashing it for this as it’s a short walk. It just runs down the road in front of her. For proper walks it’s on a leash but no muzzle as it “doesn’t like a muzzle.” She often moans to be that she’s suspicious that people on the estate will “snitch” on her so she tries to walk early morning or late at night.

Being pregnant I’ve been a lot more cautious and try to only go out when my partner can give me a lift - I can’t drive. However an incident today has left me terrified. I was on the road in front of our house at lunchtime cleaning the car and they come out to walk to the friend’s house. It jumps on my back trying to be friendly and lick me - this dog weighs 70kg. I froze and was terrified and she didn’t pull him off, she just kept shouting its name until it ran to her and they left.

It’s really starting to ruin my life and my partner doesn’t care as he just thinks it’s a funny, goofy big dog. He always brings up my parent’s cockerpoo as an example as occasionally nips at people when it is guarding food but the difference is that a cockerpoo isn’t capable of killing a healthy adult, and a cockerpoo usually will bite once then back off. XL bullies generally are genetically wired to try to kill and could turn at any moment.

I’ve now fallen out with my mum too as she’s very worried about mine and the baby’s safety and she says we should look at private renting somewhere else until we can afford to buy. This annoyed me as we only pay £500 a month rent at the moment and if we were to move to another private rental it’d be hundreds
more and we would lose a load to our savings to moving costs. I don’t see why we should have to do this. My mum says I’m putting money over my baby’s safety and has become angry at me. I feel like I can’t win.

I want to report as she’s breaking the law letting it out unleashed and unmuzzled but I’m concerned that the neighbour would know it’s me after the incident today and make my life hell. She is somewhat unhinged, nice enough on a shallow level, will invite you in for a cuppa and chat to you etc bit get on the wrong side of her and she’s as rough as a bears arse and will get family members to bang on your door etc. Police have been called before when she’s had disputes with another neighbour about rats in the garden. I hate confrontation and really don’t know what to do.

any advice appreciated

Do you have access to the house savings? You need to take your share, and leave. This stress will start to harm your baby, so please take what money you'd put into the savings to stop him buying a fucking car with it and go move in with your mum for now.

You would be foolish to stay with this man. He does not respect you or support you. He also wants to use your house savings to buy a car, the man's a moron. Please don't stay with him. Leave and go where you will feel safe, before your entire pregnancy is completely spoiled.

Near where I live there is an XL Bully. I’ve seen it out with its weedy looking male owners. It is never muzzled and it is aggressive as it was lunging and snarling when I was walking on a wide footpath.
The owners clearly have the dog as a status symbol and they have no control over it and don’t pick up its dog shit either.
Recently they had the dog on a very long lead and predictably they were trying to haul the dog back from where we were walking quietly and we always give the XL plenty of space.
It was like watching two twats trying to land a great white shark using a feeble fishing rod as the more they tried to reel the dog in, the angrier it got. If they had let go it would have shredded my dog.
I actually feel sorry for this XL Bully, sooner or later it will be seen out unmuzzled by a PCSO and could risk being PTS. It gets a short walk daily and needs more exercise and stimulation. Given how it reacts, there’s a good chance it will attack another dog or hurt someone and the dog will get the blame, not as much the shitty owners. It could easily kill a person as it is enormous.

It is NOT just down to the owner - these are BRED to be fighting dogs. Killer Kimbo and his descendants all show similar traits.

Rehoming XL’s is now illegal under the Act. Because of the risk they pose ….. funny that

And how many innocent people will die in attacks until the breed dies out in ten years? 20? 50? More?

Each life lost an unnecessary tragedy.

Yup.

Your husband appears to be enjoying goading you, how upsetting.

Op maybe now is the time to report the dog S ? Your partner is good cover in this regard ??

Report all three of them anonymously now .

I woukdnt bother discussing this with your partner because he doesn't understand or get it .
You do not want you neighbor to hear any conversations about this !!

It's not worth it.

Report...see what happens...then just move and leave him .

As pp said ,owning one could be used as an adult intelligence test.

Don't let your partner know either just do it secretly.
He's a leaky cup and the weak link in your chain ,he's not on your side you don't need to share this info with him !
I wouldn't be suprised if he chatted to her whilst petting it eg. " I love this old softy I've got no idea why her indoors reported him ".

It seems like your partner rather likes the council estate lifestyle. Leave him and it behind.

I can see him saying this to her, too.

He’s not on your side OP. You’re at the most vulnerable time of a woman’s life and your reaction to the dog(s) is entirely appropriate for someone preparing to become a parent pretty imminently - you’re prioritising your baby’s wellbeing.

Your partner isn’t. He’s being selfish, foolish and mocking you for already being a good parent while he’s being a childish, naive fool at best and a people pleasing bully at worst.

I think you need to look for a new place to live asap and I’m not sure I’d want him to be joining me tbh. I wouldn’t trust him to make decisions that keep me or my baby safe.

Yeah he's being an absolute idiot. It hasn't attacked you yet??? A) it jumped on you, and even that is a serious danger to your baby if you were say knocked over and B) any more serious an attack would likely leave life changing injuries or worse. Why on earth would you wait for that??

I completely agree with your ultimatum OP.

@TheLangyers Oh my god, you need to get out of there. There's no way I could bring up a baby in that situation.

Move. Buy if you can, rent if not. Report the dogs on the last day you are there.
Jettison your partner if he continues to refuse to take this seriously.

These type of dogs are a pain in the neck. They should have all been destroyed. But, they haven’t been, so I’d just protect your home and hopefully move. You can try reporting first though.

So he wants you to be attacked in order to be taken seriously??

FFS. You need to be firm with him now. Tell him living there is no longer an option for you and you need to find somewhere else to live, either buying or renting. Hopefully he will come with you.

Your parents' dog is not harmless, especially o a small child. Cockerpoos are not as dangerous as XL Bullies, obviously, but most dogs can inflict nasty injuries - this is why they should be trained. A resource guarding dog is a potentially dangerous dog. I'm a dog lover, I've had dogs for years, including Jack Russels who are notorious for 'nipping.' Mine were trained and never bit, but they were never off lead when children were around. It's not worth the risk.

Cockerpoos can be neurotic and difficult dogs. I wouldn't let your child near this one.

And yes, give it a few weeks, then report your neighbour. As the dog hasn't attacked anyone, it probably won't be put down, but she is putting her own animal at risk as well as other people. XL Bullies can be lovable goons with people, but if they turn, they are so strong with such powerful jaws, they can kill. No one should keep them - they are not suitable as domestic dogs.

I agree with this. While good training and care can achieve a lot it won't entirely erase a dog's inherent tendencies.
One of mine is a border collie. He's never been a working dog yet has several classic traits - the 'low down' stance when something interests him, and a fondness for rounding up - gently! - other dogs. I've not trained him to do either of those things. My spaniel has other classic 'spaniel' habits, my rescue other habits....etc etc They've been trained by me, are cared for by me but are all quite different in character.

Your DH really needs to gen up on XL Bully traits & behaviours, and stop sucking up to a dog that frightens you, is poorly controlled and has shown aggressive tendencies. Why does he feel the need to do that, especially as you're pregnant and physically more vulnerable?
I got knocked sideways by a Newfoundland a while back & my ex showed more concern for me than your DP currently is for you.

I feel so sorry for you, OP. I’d be absolutely terrified to have an XL living next door, let alone one behind me and a pit bull next door. You need to move as soon as possible. You deserve to enjoy your garden without fear. You deserve to leave your house without being pounced on by a 70KG beast. Imagine what it will be like when you’re carrying a baby in a maxi cosi car seat to your front door? You and your baby are so vulnerable. You need to listen to your instincts and get the hell out of there. There have been far too many deaths caused by XL Bully’s … you don’t want to become a statistic. Whatever the cost, get out of there.

By the way, I’m not impressed by your partner’s attitude. But that’s an issue to confront another day. For now, get yourself and your precious unborn baby somewhere safe.

As a thought, have you mentioned the situation to your midwife? They might be able to escalate a complaint / report?

Given everything you've said, it would entirely rational to stay at your parents now.

The dangerous dogs surrounding you are risks to you right now - you already know the dog next door is capable of jumping on you and knocking you over, harming both you and the baby potentially. There is, also, the issue of staying somewhere where you are constantly feeling on edge - all those stress hormones aren’t good for you or your pregnancy. It’s only going to get worse as spring approaches - you are going to want to sit in the garden ( Vitamin D is great during pregnancy!) but the dogs will also increasingly be outside and you’ll feel frustrated and stressed.

On the other hand, the risk from your parents’ dog is very different - for all the reasons you’ve said - and the only ‘real’ risk I can see could be to a toddler who might try to take the dog’s blanket away. But, since you’re only 14 weeks pregnant, that’s not a risk for a long time. Plus, you’d remove the stress you currently feel and could get extra support from your parents. It’s even possible that staying there while pregnant LESSENS the risk to your child from your parents’ dog - the dog will get used to the scent of the baby before it’s even born and that may encourage the dog to see the baby as part of the pack and not a threat.

Don’t be too hard on your partner though - I found with my DH that I felt protective of my children as soon as I fell pregnant but he didn’t seem to feel the same until they were actually born. I think a pregnant woman’s hormones are some sort of protective superpower - heightening our ability to detect risk to our kids! As my mum used to say “a mother’s worry saves the child”.

So, if you choose to go, do so calmly and reassure your partner that you love him and aren’t leaving him, but you can’t get rid of this fear while living so close to the neighbour’s dog and you need to think of the baby right now. If he tries to argue that the dog is a ‘softy’ then just acknowledge that he may disagree re the risk from the dog, but your stress is real and that’s also a risk in itself.

If you can get your partner to agree, I’d also recommend that you give notice on your rental place - even that act of knowing that there’s a finite end to this situation may well help you emotionally.

Everything else can be worked out later!

Good luck OP. For what it’s worth, I am a huge dog lover so usually give all dogs the benefit of the doubt but, in this case, I believe that your instinct re the risk from your neighbour’s dog is spot on - a sign you’re going to be a great mum!

I agree with every word and thank you for understanding about my parent’s dog.

really helpful and kind post, thank you

Tread Caerphilly.

Sorry just a joke. I don't expect you to read my other posts here but trust me I completely and utterly agree with the OP.

I would move. You cannot win with people like that. I gave up a council house to get away from next door neighbours like you describe. It was utter misery.

There’s no way in hell I’d live next to one of those things. I’d have moved in with my mum and my partner could do what he liked if he found it all so amusing. Is he a bit thick? You might as well be living next door to a fucking lion. Get out asap.

I get you OP.

We have one that lives nearby. It pulls, it jumps and the idiot who owns it has on a lead that is tied around its collar. He has no control over it and I'm petrified it will come for me.