Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report my neighbours XL bully, it is ruining my life

484 replies

TheLangyers · 15/03/2026 20:03

I’m 14 weeks pregnant. Me and my partner currently live on quite a rough council estate as we are saving up for a house deposit. Won’t be able to move for another couple of years.

Our next door neighbour has an XL bully. I am usually a dog lover but feel really uneasy about these dogs. My mum was a dog walker for a few years and I got bit by a pit-bull and repeatedly witnessed incidents involving them. My childhood best friend was left with lifelong facial scares after her rescue pitbull randomly decided to bite her face off during a game of fetch.

The XL bully hasn’t personally attacked us yet but it’s been involved in several incidents. It’s been known to get in fights on the local field with other dogs on the estate but owner insists it’s always the other dog’s fault. She leaves it unattended in the front garden, gate is usually closed but it could easily jump over. My partner doesn’t understand the danger that these dogs present and often encourages it to come over to stroke it when we go out. Our walls are very thin and I know from overhearing domestic arguments that it’s bitten the owners autistic grandson before when they’ve been playing.

She often walks 2 minutes the road to another friend’s house and doesn’t bother muzzling or leashing it for this as it’s a short walk. It just runs down the road in front of her. For proper walks it’s on a leash but no muzzle as it “doesn’t like a muzzle.” She often moans to be that she’s suspicious that people on the estate will “snitch” on her so she tries to walk early morning or late at night.

Being pregnant I’ve been a lot more cautious and try to only go out when my partner can give me a lift - I can’t drive. However an incident today has left me terrified. I was on the road in front of our house at lunchtime cleaning the car and they come out to walk to the friend’s house. It jumps on my back trying to be friendly and lick me - this dog weighs 70kg. I froze and was terrified and she didn’t pull him off, she just kept shouting its name until it ran to her and they left.

It’s really starting to ruin my life and my partner doesn’t care as he just thinks it’s a funny, goofy big dog. He always brings up my parent’s cockerpoo as an example as occasionally nips at people when it is guarding food but the difference is that a cockerpoo isn’t capable of killing a healthy adult, and a cockerpoo usually will bite once then back off. XL bullies generally are genetically wired to try to kill and could turn at any moment.

I’ve now fallen out with my mum too as she’s very worried about mine and the baby’s safety and she says we should look at private renting somewhere else until we can afford to buy. This annoyed me as we only pay £500 a month rent at the moment and if we were to move to another private rental it’d be hundreds
more and we would lose a load to our savings to moving costs. I don’t see why we should have to do this. My mum says I’m putting money over my baby’s safety and has become angry at me. I feel like I can’t win.

I want to report as she’s breaking the law letting it out unleashed and unmuzzled but I’m concerned that the neighbour would know it’s me after the incident today and make my life hell. She is somewhat unhinged, nice enough on a shallow level, will invite you in for a cuppa and chat to you etc bit get on the wrong side of her and she’s as rough as a bears arse and will get family members to bang on your door etc. Police have been called before when she’s had disputes with another neighbour about rats in the garden. I hate confrontation and really don’t know what to do.

any advice appreciated

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Jasmin71 · 19/03/2026 15:39

Report

Jasmin71 · 19/03/2026 15:48

I would genuinely be out of that house and have returned to my parent's house by now. I just couldn't live next to a dog like that. Your partner is clearly an idiot in not appreciating the Danger.

MajorProcrastination · 19/03/2026 15:51

TheLangyers · 19/03/2026 15:01

Things have gotten worse for me today, I’m really getting incredibly stressed now.

The XL bully I spoke about in this post lives on our right. With it being sunny today I was sat in my garden and my neighbours on each side both had the same idea. There was a lot of very loud, aggressive barking from dogs coming from 3 different directions so I went inside as it was driving me insane.

I had a look out of my window and can see that my neighbour’s on the left also have a pitbull type dog. We had heard their dog barking before but had never seen it as they are antisocial and don’t go out, this is the first time I’ve seen their dog. It doesn’t appear to be XL but a regular American pitbull type.

We also have another XL bully in the garden behind us. I’ve known about this previously but haven’t seen it over the Winter and had hoped they’d gotten rid of it but clearly not. All 3 dogs were barking aggressively and pawing at their respective fences trying to get to each other. My garden is what separates the 3, all 3 of those gardens are joined up to my garden. We have tall fences but not particularly strong and it’s worrying when they are all pawing at the fence.

I could fucking cry. My partner still isn’t taking me seriously.

Now I can’t even enjoy my own garden with my baby

Edited

This is insane and so incredibly unfair. "But I love dogs" then get a friendly mini-schnauzer or a dopey labrador. These big muscly dogs are purely for the owner's status and tough image. There's no reason on a domestic housing estate to own that kind of dog.

Completely understand why you hate it and why it's making you feel trapped and anxious. Did you say this was a council house or housing association home and that moving would mean shifting into private rentals and costing you more money? Short term, that's maybe what you'll have to do but I'm so cross that you're in this situation.

Definitely contact the council housing team and/or the housing association because this is completely out of order. You shouldn't be made to feel scared in your own back garden or community. I'd also contact the police via 101 or through your local police station to report the one who's out without muzzle and lead as that's illegal.

Even if you are going to move or maybe even move in short term with a family member, I'd still report to whoever needs to be told to help protect the future community in your current street.

TheLangyers · 19/03/2026 15:54

cheframsay · 19/03/2026 15:18

You need to move, I’m so sorry you are surrounded by all this shite and don’t feel safe in your own house or garden. It’s not fair but you can’t stay there.

I know it’s important to save for a house and own a place of your own but is it really worth your mental health, yours and babies safety etc to risk staying here? I do feel for you, it’s so frustrating when you want to save but I just don’t see how you can stay there now, this should be an exciting time with baby on the way, not a time where you’re full of fear and anxiety.

What actually are your options? Can you get anything better and still put a little bit of money away? Can anyone act as a guarantor on a mortgage for you? I’m not sure your mums financial situation, but given she sees the risk, is she able to help you with a deposit? Or any grandparents, or anyone else who may be happy and able to help you?

It really is shit, you shouldn’t have to move but I just feel for you so much as this would be my worst nightmare.

We technically do have enough for a 10% deposit and about £4000 for solicitor fees etc. But we had ideally wanted a 20% deposit and DP was going to use the £4000 to replace our 15 year old car so that we have something more reliable when the baby is here. We just wanted to be more comfortable when buying and getting the mortgage.

I’ve told DP I’m scared and want to look at buying again but he’s told me I’m being ridiculous and to get over the dog situation since I haven’t actually been attacked

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 19/03/2026 15:57

Your partner is a nob. Can you move out and stay with your mother for a bit?
I would not risk mine or my baby’s safety by staying at that address a moment longer.
If your partner is prepared to take the risk then he can do one.

MajorProcrastination · 19/03/2026 16:09

TheLangyers · 19/03/2026 15:54

We technically do have enough for a 10% deposit and about £4000 for solicitor fees etc. But we had ideally wanted a 20% deposit and DP was going to use the £4000 to replace our 15 year old car so that we have something more reliable when the baby is here. We just wanted to be more comfortable when buying and getting the mortgage.

I’ve told DP I’m scared and want to look at buying again but he’s told me I’m being ridiculous and to get over the dog situation since I haven’t actually been attacked

Edited

Keep the old car. You don't need a new car for a baby. It's a nice to have not an essential. I say this as someone who had small older cars when our children were babies and everyone was fine. As long as you can fit the buggy in the back, you're fine.

Yes, it would be nice to be more comfortable financially before making the move but it'll be so much harder once the baby's here and I'd prefer financial discomfort over terror about massive dogs.

I wouldn't want to wait for anyone to be attacked before doing anything, REPORT!

cheframsay · 19/03/2026 16:09

TheLangyers · 19/03/2026 15:54

We technically do have enough for a 10% deposit and about £4000 for solicitor fees etc. But we had ideally wanted a 20% deposit and DP was going to use the £4000 to replace our 15 year old car so that we have something more reliable when the baby is here. We just wanted to be more comfortable when buying and getting the mortgage.

I’ve told DP I’m scared and want to look at buying again but he’s told me I’m being ridiculous and to get over the dog situation since I haven’t actually been attacked

Edited

I get you, me and DH put down a larger deposit too as we’re both self employed we just wanted the lower mortgage to take the pressure off.

Ok, the good news - imagine if you literally didn’t have a penny. Once you’ve saved up it does feel worse the idea of splashing out on more rent though, I get that. But I’m glad to hear you do have a good amount saved as it is, that could be worse.

The car isn’t a priority here, I’d imagine you feel the same. Obviously the XL bullies and stupid owners are the problem but I feel after that, your big problem is DP. I’m frustrated for you that he doesn’t get it, it sounds if you were on the same page you could buy a lot sooner.

He really needs to understand the risk, or even if he doesn’t understand it, compromise and put how you feel about this first. But I don’t know how you get him to do that tbh, it’s one thing that he is being stupid and naive but another thing that he doesn’t consider your feelings about this. If I were you I would go and stay at your mums though, just for your safety and to hopefully de stress and try and shake some of this nasty anxiety and fear, you must be constantly on edge staying there. Maybe this would make him see you are serious about needing to rent somewhere better, or buy ASAP.

LoudMauveFatball · 19/03/2026 16:11

I live in the USA where pits and pit-adjacent dogs are quite common. I've known dozens of people with these dogs and only exactly two that never had a problem or incident of aggression. And frankly, those two could have been lying. I've seen a neighbor's pit bite a delivery guy's hand and the next week the owner was bragging to me about how he'd never hurt a fly. My parents are rural, one of their neighbors has two that haven't hurt a person (yet) but of course are allowed to roam around and last year they ripped a new lamb (and her mom!) through the chain link fence of her pen, piece by piece. Sorry to be graphic but these are nasty beasts and you are completely reasonable to be afraid of this one. Your husband is being a moron and you should just keep spamming him with videos of pit attacks and articles of them mauling children, elderly and even full grown adults. You can find an endless supply of these, as you know.

LoudMauveFatball · 19/03/2026 16:14

Just another note that at 14 weeks pregnant you're certainly safer living around your parent's cockapoo (even if he was an aggressive little demon) for quite a while longer.

BrickBiscuit · 19/03/2026 16:18

TheLangyers · 19/03/2026 15:54

We technically do have enough for a 10% deposit and about £4000 for solicitor fees etc. But we had ideally wanted a 20% deposit and DP was going to use the £4000 to replace our 15 year old car so that we have something more reliable when the baby is here. We just wanted to be more comfortable when buying and getting the mortgage.

I’ve told DP I’m scared and want to look at buying again but he’s told me I’m being ridiculous and to get over the dog situation since I haven’t actually been attacked

Edited

since I haven’t actually been attacked

You have been assaulted by one of these dogs. You already said it jumped up on you and the owner eventually called it off.

Imisscoffee2021 · 19/03/2026 16:26

@TheLangyers you need to move I'm afraid, you can't get time back with your fast growing child in those early years but you can earn more money down the line. You honestly do not want to spend maternity leave stressed by outside factors. It may set you back 6 to 12 months in buying a house, but you could use this opportunity to identify where you want to buy and rent in that area, so when you do buy you're already in the community, already got name down for nursery or school etc. A change of house is less stressful than a whole change of environment, and by renting you'll be able to choose your area more.

I know it's shit saving for a house with a baby on the way, i had the same thing but I was renting in a nice part London/Surrey so had to make big decisions based on eventually buying a house. So I speak from experience when I say all of the above! Figure out how much extra it's cost you to rent somewhere you want to live, and how long it'd take to accrue it again, and when you think of how fast those early days go by it'll be worth it.

Allisnotlost1 · 19/03/2026 16:33

Sorry to hear this @TheLangyers . Things are not going to get easier so you’re going to have to bite the bullet and get out of there. Your partner sounds idiotic, even if he doesn’t agree with you to not take your worries seriously at this time is awful. Back to your ma’s and see how the land lies I reckon.

Pastit12 · 19/03/2026 16:34

ThePoshUns · 19/03/2026 15:57

Your partner is a nob. Can you move out and stay with your mother for a bit?
I would not risk mine or my baby’s safety by staying at that address a moment longer.
If your partner is prepared to take the risk then he can do one.

I haven’t read every single post on the thread but the this one seems a good idea , you’re pregnant and the situation is clearly causing you a lot of stress which can’t be good in your condition
As someone has previously pointed out if your next door neighbour is as awful as has been said chances are if this dog is removed from her she will most likely replace it with another high risk dog. This is without your other immediate neighbours all having large dogs which is causing you more stress
Your partner is also being very unfair not taking your concerns seriously and causing you more stress. You should take precedence over a dog regardless of his feelings about his german shepherd
If your parents can help you out in the interim then maybe you could reach your savings goal towards buying your own house obviously you would need to reassess the situation when you have the baby due to your parents dog as has been said before if a dog is unpredictable whatever breed or size best to be on the safe side for the sake of your future child,

TheSecretAgent1 · 19/03/2026 17:06

Your partner is a moron

Ferrissia · 19/03/2026 17:24

Is your partner aware of the (potentially serious and lifelong) effects of maternal stress on babies? if not, you should educate him. If yes, or if education doesn't change his thinking, then, at the very least for the sake of your child, you need to leave.

He needs to take his family's safety more seriously, given the evidence-based threat that your current living situation poses to his family.

If he refuses, or is incapable of this, then you and he are fundamentally incompatible and you need to leave anyway - and best to do it before your baby is put in any further unnecessary danger (from your stress or directly from the dog(s)).

SandyHappy · 19/03/2026 18:46

yesterday morning, about 5 miles from where we live a 'bully type dog' got out of it's house (owner left the front door open apparently), within half an hour it had attacked one woman with a dog and severely injured the dog (broken ribs), and attacked a separate woman walking her dog, she was bitten and her dog was killed, happened during the school run.

These 'dogs' have no place in society, and I say that as a dog lover.

IHeardItThroughTheJeremyVine · 19/03/2026 19:51

Sorry OP but your partner is a gaslighting arsehole.

TheLangyers · 19/03/2026 20:09

SandyHappy · 19/03/2026 18:46

yesterday morning, about 5 miles from where we live a 'bully type dog' got out of it's house (owner left the front door open apparently), within half an hour it had attacked one woman with a dog and severely injured the dog (broken ribs), and attacked a separate woman walking her dog, she was bitten and her dog was killed, happened during the school run.

These 'dogs' have no place in society, and I say that as a dog lover.

I know any dog can be problematic, even the cute little fluffy posh ones, but nothing is comparable to an XL bully.

Beyond the danger, they look fecking hideous.

I assume anybody who owns one is a prick, and I’ve never met one example to prove otherwise. Usually thick as pig shit too. My neighbour loves to talk about how hers gets scared of the telly to make him seem cute and harmless, but I’m thinking “I hope him getting scared of the telly doesn’t trigger him to maul your grandson”. Surely getting skittish at everything should be a red flag and a warning towards a potentially neurotic and unpredictable personality, and not just a “cute quirk”?

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 19/03/2026 20:14

In the small county where I live in South Wales there have been a baby, a 9 year old boy and an elderly lady killed by XL bullies and many more seriously injured. In my mind keeping these dogs and walking around with them is as dangerous as brandishing a loaded gun. Just imagine if you’re getting out of the car with your baby and your neighbours dog is in the vicinity and your crying baby triggers it….
I am scared for you OP

TheLangyers · 19/03/2026 20:19

IHeardItThroughTheJeremyVine · 19/03/2026 19:51

Sorry OP but your partner is a gaslighting arsehole.

I’m getting to the end of my tether with it. He spent 15 minutes outside on the front petting it (it was unsupervised in the front garden as usual) after coming home from work today before coming inside. No wonder it’s so comfortable charging into our front garden and jumping on us.

I’m giving him an ultimatum shortly that he stops engaging with it and we look to move or I’ll be going to my mums. And before anybody starts about their cockerpoo, it has bitten twice in its life when in adolescence and it bites in one very specific situation - he has a comfort blanket on his bed which he suckles on and if you try to remove it from him whilst he’s suckling on it he will resource guard, give a couple of warning growls and eventually nip at your hand if you persist. It’s just that very specific situation in which he has bitten and he’s been fine for 3 years as we know the trigger and just avoid bothering him when he’s on his bed. He’s muzzled with a soft muzzle on walks as he can sometimes take other dog’s toys and my parents want to be safe. Anyway, my point is that he doesn’t just randomly snap and go for people and I don’t feel unsafe from him. I still wouldn’t let the baby close to him of course! But not comparable to the XL at all. XL’s tend to be triggered by noises or certain movements, and will switch into “mauling” mode with no prior warning. It’s not a trait that you can manage by using awareness and caution.

My parents lives an hour away from us so not ideal for my work but luckily I’ve got a reasonable accommodation to WFH at my own discretion during the pregnancy.

OP posts:
TheLangyers · 19/03/2026 20:33

ThePoshUns · 19/03/2026 20:14

In the small county where I live in South Wales there have been a baby, a 9 year old boy and an elderly lady killed by XL bullies and many more seriously injured. In my mind keeping these dogs and walking around with them is as dangerous as brandishing a loaded gun. Just imagine if you’re getting out of the car with your baby and your neighbours dog is in the vicinity and your crying baby triggers it….
I am scared for you OP

I really am quite terrified for the baby’s safety which is the top priority and I’ll be taking action if DP doesn’t listen to me. I’ll be a nervous wreck post-partum if still in this situation so I need to act now. We’ve actually got 3 American pitbull dogs (2 XL’s 1 regular) in the 3 respective gardens that adjoin ours. Absolutely shit luck, what are the chances?

On a more selfish note I feel like its
going to ruin the maternity leave I wanted with my baby. Due in September and I was looking forward to having an older baby over the Summer months and getting outdoors with them. We have a lovely beach a 20 minute walk away. I was going to treat myself to a fancy pram with all the trimmings for all of our adventures. And then I was thinking picnics in our garden, getting a sandpit, outdoor play etc. But now I’ll be scared to use our garden or go on any walks.

OP posts:
cheframsay · 19/03/2026 20:37

The more I hear about your partner the more annoyed I am for you. Do you think he’s spending a lot of time petting it now to wind you up or try and make a point?

Glad to hear you’ll be giving the ultimatum. Tbh I think you should go to your parents anyway, and he stays with the XL bullies until you have a plan in place to rent somewhere else or to buy somewhere. I just don’t think it’s good for you spending anymore time there at all.

Mumandcarer80 · 19/03/2026 20:37

I would be getting the hell out of there ASAP.

TheLangyers · 19/03/2026 20:41

I may as well be living in a house in the middle of the lion enclosure at the fucking zoo!!!

OP posts:
cheframsay · 19/03/2026 21:16

TheLangyers · 19/03/2026 20:41

I may as well be living in a house in the middle of the lion enclosure at the fucking zoo!!!

I’d rather lions! At least they’re not butt ugly 🤷‍♀️