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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report my neighbours XL bully, it is ruining my life

484 replies

TheLangyers · 15/03/2026 20:03

I’m 14 weeks pregnant. Me and my partner currently live on quite a rough council estate as we are saving up for a house deposit. Won’t be able to move for another couple of years.

Our next door neighbour has an XL bully. I am usually a dog lover but feel really uneasy about these dogs. My mum was a dog walker for a few years and I got bit by a pit-bull and repeatedly witnessed incidents involving them. My childhood best friend was left with lifelong facial scares after her rescue pitbull randomly decided to bite her face off during a game of fetch.

The XL bully hasn’t personally attacked us yet but it’s been involved in several incidents. It’s been known to get in fights on the local field with other dogs on the estate but owner insists it’s always the other dog’s fault. She leaves it unattended in the front garden, gate is usually closed but it could easily jump over. My partner doesn’t understand the danger that these dogs present and often encourages it to come over to stroke it when we go out. Our walls are very thin and I know from overhearing domestic arguments that it’s bitten the owners autistic grandson before when they’ve been playing.

She often walks 2 minutes the road to another friend’s house and doesn’t bother muzzling or leashing it for this as it’s a short walk. It just runs down the road in front of her. For proper walks it’s on a leash but no muzzle as it “doesn’t like a muzzle.” She often moans to be that she’s suspicious that people on the estate will “snitch” on her so she tries to walk early morning or late at night.

Being pregnant I’ve been a lot more cautious and try to only go out when my partner can give me a lift - I can’t drive. However an incident today has left me terrified. I was on the road in front of our house at lunchtime cleaning the car and they come out to walk to the friend’s house. It jumps on my back trying to be friendly and lick me - this dog weighs 70kg. I froze and was terrified and she didn’t pull him off, she just kept shouting its name until it ran to her and they left.

It’s really starting to ruin my life and my partner doesn’t care as he just thinks it’s a funny, goofy big dog. He always brings up my parent’s cockerpoo as an example as occasionally nips at people when it is guarding food but the difference is that a cockerpoo isn’t capable of killing a healthy adult, and a cockerpoo usually will bite once then back off. XL bullies generally are genetically wired to try to kill and could turn at any moment.

I’ve now fallen out with my mum too as she’s very worried about mine and the baby’s safety and she says we should look at private renting somewhere else until we can afford to buy. This annoyed me as we only pay £500 a month rent at the moment and if we were to move to another private rental it’d be hundreds
more and we would lose a load to our savings to moving costs. I don’t see why we should have to do this. My mum says I’m putting money over my baby’s safety and has become angry at me. I feel like I can’t win.

I want to report as she’s breaking the law letting it out unleashed and unmuzzled but I’m concerned that the neighbour would know it’s me after the incident today and make my life hell. She is somewhat unhinged, nice enough on a shallow level, will invite you in for a cuppa and chat to you etc bit get on the wrong side of her and she’s as rough as a bears arse and will get family members to bang on your door etc. Police have been called before when she’s had disputes with another neighbour about rats in the garden. I hate confrontation and really don’t know what to do.

any advice appreciated

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
TapsOff · 16/03/2026 04:14

I really can’t understand the people saying they can be ok. It’s like saying you should accept your neighbours having a lion because sometimes they can be ok, and that actually little cats can be vicious too.

ducksinarow2020 · 16/03/2026 04:32

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Lairymary · 16/03/2026 05:58

Have you looked into doing a council house swap?
Oh, edit to say I've just seen it's a private rent...

Mymanyellow · 16/03/2026 06:07

You’re going to have to move I think. There’s no way round this, I know it doesn’t seem fair and will take you longer to save for your own place, but it’s simply not safe where you are. You can always report when you’ve moved out if you’re scared of repercussions.

onetrickrockingpony · 16/03/2026 06:23

OP I was walking across a public heath on Friday with my 6mo in a baby sling. I was doing school pick up and cutting across the heath from where I had parked on a side road, as many parents do.

A dog came bounding up to me and pawed at my legs and I full on screamed. I’m not a fan of dogs at the best of times but the issue with the baby sling is that my vision is impaired and I could not see down due to baby’s head. I also had my hood up as it was windy and I was sheltering me and baby from the cold.

So I couldn’t see what was going on, there was barking, and I was physically vulnerable due to balance being very off whilst carrying 8kg on my front.

In this case the dog was fine but the issue is I’m nervous because I live in a large city and a lot of dogs have terrible recall and there are more violent dogs about. The owner didn’t even apologise for startling me.

A few years ago I stopped running because a dog gave chase to me and leaped up from behind. Apparently it was playing. The owner yelled that I should have stopped and it was my fault. My fault!!! I’m just happily running a lap of the park, a large-ish dog gives chase from behind and leaps on to me and apparently it’s my fault!!!

I agree with your mum. And also I’d quite happily see a fair chunk of the dogs in the country PTS.

ArtAngel · 16/03/2026 06:40

The reality is that even if you report, nothing will happen. The councils and police just don’t deal with it.

And the laws are stupid. She could ‘comply’ with lead and muzzle while on a planned walk but then by accident a door and gate are left open and a badly trained dog is on the loose.

Can you arrange a home swap? Even somewhere smaller which would enable you to save faster?

Dodorogers · 16/03/2026 06:43

TheLangyers · 15/03/2026 20:27

Yes I do agree about parents dog but that dog is easily managed. It can be put in another room during visits etc. It’s also generally fine as long as you remove toys from the room. I’d still never let baby play with him or be with him unsupervised but my point is that I’ve never feared for my from a 10KG miniature cockerpoo.

I get annoyed as when I mention my concerns about the neighbour’s XL bully, partner just says “Your parents cockerpoo bites!” as if that’s relevant in the slightest. My parent’s dog occasionally biting doesn’t change the situation with the neighbours dog at all and it infuriates me when he compares.

Edited

It isn’t at all comparable. No one has been killed by a cockapoo. I do think you have to report it, she knows it is going to happen cos she knows she is breaking the law!

Poppy61 · 16/03/2026 07:23

There seems to be only one solution and that is for you to move. Your mum is right and I'm pleased you have made up. You are going to feel even more protective once your baby is here and this is quite rightly causing you a lot of stress, which you don't need. You also need to get your daft husband away from that dog, he cannot see the danger and is not putting you and your baby first. Rather it take longer for you to save for your deposit, than live with that stress and maybe a nasty incident in the future. I'd imagine a move feels overwhelming at the moment, but focus on a peaceful future without that dog and its owner next door. Start small steps working towards it and its sounds like your mum would be happy to help. Good luck op and I hope to hear you have decided to move.

Yellowchair1 · 16/03/2026 07:33

If it was me I would 100% move - buying can wait. The dog could potentially jump on your baby too. I dont understand how your partner can dismiss XL bully's as harmless - a quick google makes it clear they are not

Prancingpickle · 16/03/2026 07:37

Report it but also report your mum's cockerpoo! Cokerpoos have killed babies and they're very protective of their surroundings and can get very triggered by a babies cry

QuintadosMalvados · 16/03/2026 07:49

GardeningMummy · 15/03/2026 20:43

YADNBU but what on earth is the relevance of it being a “council estate?!”

H aving carried out a few months delivering leaflets for my ds who had a pocket money job in sixth form but broke his ankle (he didn't want to lose the job and we took it on temporarily),
I can assure you 100% that while of course most people on council estates have lovely dogs, you are indeed more likely to find vicious dogs like this than in genteel areas where there's just a lot of old labradors.
Sorry but it's true. I was very nervous on some housing. Used to pray for a genteel area, even though the drives were longer and it took more time and effort.

Thepossibility · 16/03/2026 07:58

The idiot down the road from us had three similar dogs, he used to let them roam around wherever they wanted to go and then act the victim when they caused trouble! The whole street took turns dobbing him in until he eventually gave up and moved recently. Have your neighbours said anything to you? You could possibly have some allies there.
You're entitled to feel safe and she is out of line even owning that ridiculous breed of dog, and clearly taking no safety measures at all.

thanks2 · 16/03/2026 08:12

When you see it unmuzzled in the garden why not call the council dog warden? They can go there quickly and see for themselves

NotnowMildrid · 16/03/2026 08:12

Your DP just doesn’t get it does he!?

Your instincts and particularly your strong maternal instincts are there for a reason.

I would want to move away from it. You and your baby wouldn’t stand a chance.

My personal view is I just don’t understand why anyone would want an huge ugly potential killing machine.

All dogs need to be respected, but these are on another level.

Your thick neighbour needs to wake up before she’s in the news. Those poor kids on your estate.

Thesnailonthewhale · 16/03/2026 08:17

TheLangyers · 15/03/2026 20:49

Yes I do want the dog to be destroyed given it bites its owners 4 year old autistic grandson. She doesn’t tell anyone about this. The walls are thin and I’ve heard the child screaming in pain and her scolding the dog afterwards, and then seen them walking out of the house to go to A&E with the child bleeding.

Edited

Get your parents one destroyed first then as it bites children too.

Scout2016 · 16/03/2026 08:17

Not being unreasonable at all.
Is there any way you can film it walking to the friends? From a window or your car maybe? Is there any pattern to when they go round so you can just happen to be sat in your car pretending to text or face time but actually filming? Or could your mum or friend do it, if the neighbour won't recognise them?

Why isn't your partner bothered that the grandchild next door got hurt?

Imisscoffee2021 · 16/03/2026 08:20

Okay, as you can't move and don't want a night our hate campaign, I'd wait a few weeks and report her. Could you get any pictures sneakily on the dog walking witbout a muzzle, have you got a doorcam?

The other issue is inthink you're being extra protective because you're pregnant, which is normal, I was the same, stopped cycling as soon as I got pregnant and was extra cautious etc, however it's making you feel worse and I worry that when the baby comes you'll never leave the house without your husband which will be very isolating.

He needs to stop encouraging the dog, as you can't put up a bigger fence as it's a rental he needs to make sure the dog isn't encouraged at least. Post partum when baby is here you will need to feel as safe as possible, it's a hard enough time as it is! You need to feel you can walk out with your pram, alone and not be accosted.

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 16/03/2026 08:31

TheLangyers · 16/03/2026 00:06

My partner incenses me when I see him around the dog. All “Ooooh what a big strong soft boy!!!”. I’ve tried to have words with him tonight about it and been shut down straight away with “Oh he’s just a big old softie he’d never hurt you!”. And proceeded to bring up my parent’s dog again.

As I repeated, my parents dog can be managed as it can be put in another room when we visit with the baby. This dog we have no control over and is much stronger, I’m terrified.

He brings up my parent’s dog as an attempt at “Whataboutism” and it drives me nuts as it’s completely irrelevant. Two wrongs don’t make a right. He’s being an idiot on this.

Edited

I'd consider leaving a partner over this gaslighting and dismissal of my concerns. However I wouldn't trust him to keep my child safe if I wasn't there to supervise as he's a fucking idiot. Was he not present during the times you heard the dog hurting the 4 year old? Also how much evidence does he need that these dogs, some often described as gentle giants, can turn on a dime especially on young kids if their prey instinct kicks in?

Right now don't say anything more to your partner, he's not on your side, pretend you've dropped the subject and be good with the neighbour. But in a week I would report. If that dog has been hurting the 4 year old in their care and they've been covering it up, they need reporting for the sake of safeguarding. Please write down as many incidents as you can think of to tell the LA. Don't tell your partner you intend to report or that you have, his enthusiasm for the dog will work as cover.

Keep safe OP and I agree with your mum, get out and rent elsewhere even if it puts your savings back a bit, its not worth living with the stress of having to live next door to dickheads.

Also everyone who's giving you shit for mentioning you live on a council estate whilst they live in a quiet suburb can fuck right off. Wealthy people policing how poorer people describe their circumstances because they dare mention it are massive cunts. I grew up on a council estate and know exactly where you're coming from, there are some of the loveliest, most generous people you'll ever meet, but there is also a concentration of depravation and crab bucket mentality that can make life hell (that succesive governments have allowed to rot and fester by removing services for austerity). Those judgy twats can offer you a house swap if they think life on certain estates are no issue.

askmenow · 16/03/2026 08:32

Aside from the Council Estate, that type of dog is usually kept by undesirables ….inadequate people needing to make a point.
A status symbol, “don’t mess with me” vibe.

Why would anyone choose to have such an ugly beast!
Leave it two weeks then report, play nice a she’ll not know anyway.

The thing shouldn't be loose in an unsecured front garden and able to jump on passers by, XL bully or not.
I’d be bloody annoyed if any unrestrained dog jumped on me.

Dog owners should learn manners but then again those feral owners would consider themselves exempt from societal rules.

PrincessofWells · 16/03/2026 08:38

Op report the damn dog.

QuintadosMalvados · 16/03/2026 08:40

I'm actually really pissed off that these dogs weren't all humanely destroyed.
They should be shot on sight in as humane a way as possible.

I loathe people who have them. Sorry but I do.
(For balance to my earlier post, I'm not saying that everyone on a council estate had a dog like this at all-far from it! -I did in fact see a few clearly well off women in naice areas have such animals- which could have easily killed them as they were very slim- but it was a more rare event.)

Indeed my well - educated sister would, in theory, have one if she'd had raised it from puppy hood. Ffs.

This sort of thing really sorts those with common sense from those that don't whatever their background or where they live.

The dh sounds a berk who clearly has no protective instincts towards his partner and child and I'd advise OP to move ASAP.
No matter what the cost.
No different to having a tiger next door. Not being hyperbolic here. I mean it.

QuintadosMalvados · 16/03/2026 08:44

askmenow · 16/03/2026 08:32

Aside from the Council Estate, that type of dog is usually kept by undesirables ….inadequate people needing to make a point.
A status symbol, “don’t mess with me” vibe.

Why would anyone choose to have such an ugly beast!
Leave it two weeks then report, play nice a she’ll not know anyway.

The thing shouldn't be loose in an unsecured front garden and able to jump on passers by, XL bully or not.
I’d be bloody annoyed if any unrestrained dog jumped on me.

Dog owners should learn manners but then again those feral owners would consider themselves exempt from societal rules.

For balance they can also be owned by silly women who think all they have to do is love it and "all will be OK, hun x."

QuintadosMalvados · 16/03/2026 08:48

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 16/03/2026 08:31

I'd consider leaving a partner over this gaslighting and dismissal of my concerns. However I wouldn't trust him to keep my child safe if I wasn't there to supervise as he's a fucking idiot. Was he not present during the times you heard the dog hurting the 4 year old? Also how much evidence does he need that these dogs, some often described as gentle giants, can turn on a dime especially on young kids if their prey instinct kicks in?

Right now don't say anything more to your partner, he's not on your side, pretend you've dropped the subject and be good with the neighbour. But in a week I would report. If that dog has been hurting the 4 year old in their care and they've been covering it up, they need reporting for the sake of safeguarding. Please write down as many incidents as you can think of to tell the LA. Don't tell your partner you intend to report or that you have, his enthusiasm for the dog will work as cover.

Keep safe OP and I agree with your mum, get out and rent elsewhere even if it puts your savings back a bit, its not worth living with the stress of having to live next door to dickheads.

Also everyone who's giving you shit for mentioning you live on a council estate whilst they live in a quiet suburb can fuck right off. Wealthy people policing how poorer people describe their circumstances because they dare mention it are massive cunts. I grew up on a council estate and know exactly where you're coming from, there are some of the loveliest, most generous people you'll ever meet, but there is also a concentration of depravation and crab bucket mentality that can make life hell (that succesive governments have allowed to rot and fester by removing services for austerity). Those judgy twats can offer you a house swap if they think life on certain estates are no issue.

As clichéd as it's become to say 'I'm not one who reflexively says ltb', I'm gonna say it.
Leave him. He's clearly a berk.

Whatexcellentboiledpotatoes · 16/03/2026 08:50

TheLangyers · 15/03/2026 20:49

Yes I do want the dog to be destroyed given it bites its owners 4 year old autistic grandson. She doesn’t tell anyone about this. The walls are thin and I’ve heard the child screaming in pain and her scolding the dog afterwards, and then seen them walking out of the house to go to A&E with the child bleeding.

Edited

Jeez that's horrendous.

OP, you must report this dog. Make sure you mention this incident. I am a dog owner and dog lover but this dog does need to be destroyed.

Imagine it jumping up at your pram.