My own mum wouldn't wish me a happy mothers day back - AIBU?

[charliearms]

A quick sense-check:

I am a mum to a 2-year old. I messaged my mum, wishing her a Happy Mother's Day:

"Happy Mother's Day. Hope you enjoy "tea" with "max". Lots of love xxx."

She simply replied: "thanks xx" (and not because she's too busy)

This really upset me, that she couldn't even bring herself to wish me a Happy Mother's Day back. It seemed pretty cold, and I would have thought "normal" for your own mum to at least acknowledge your own mothering too. (I'm certainly not expecting anything more than that!). But then, am I being unreasonable?

Your thoughts please? I'd really appreciate some perspective. I don't know why this upset me so much. Perhaps it's the fact I'm having to work today rather than spend time with own child (self employed, with no family support, after high-needs son ill for last two-weeks, working from cafe seeing other mum/daughter pairs out and about etc.). Don't want to de-rail with too much info!

(FYI: "max" is my sibling, who she's meeting up with today, i'm taking her out tomorrow)

YABU - She shouldn't be expected to say anything back
YANBU - Just a little acknowledgement would be nice

Obviously it would be good if she was more warm in her reply.

a text is however at a very low level in terms of what people do for their mums on Mother’s Day.

if you are taking her out tomorrow then maybe that is the time you will get together

I would have thought "normal" for your own mum to at least acknowledge your own mothering too. I think people normally just extend the thanks to their own mum.

Honestly, why are people so obsessed with this day? It’s a normal Sunday that has been turned into a competitive commercial exercise.

i don’t see the problem. It’s a day to appreciate your own mum. Your “thanks” should come from your own child. (Admittedly too young but usually someone steps in to do this even if it’s a card made at nursery)

Exactly.

You’re not her mother so why would she wish you a happy Mother’s Day? It would never cross my mind to expect anything more than a thank you from mine.

Stop finding something to be miserable about, go an enjoy the day with your child.

Thanks. Just to clarify, not expecting "thanks back" - but just a "Thanks, and Happy Mother's Day to you too" (or similar) - I just would have thought might be kind.

YANBU. I wouldn’t care about this, but you’re entitled to your feelings. What’s your relationship like with your mum, generally?

Do you think she was expecting a call and (in her opinion) matched your effort of a text

She isn't your mum though so not sure why she would wish you happy mothers day. Its all commercial nonsense though so i wouldn't give it too much headspace.

God, talk about looking for problems where there are none.

I honestly don't know where this idea has come from that we all need to be wishing every mother a HMD today. It's bizarre. My mum winds me up no end, but even I can't get annoyed with her for not saying it back to me today!

You should appreciate your mum (or dad) all year round, not just on one day.

But your thoughts are not her thoughts.

It would never occur to me to say something like that to my child. Not because I'd thought about it and then decided not to out of badness. Just wouldn't have thought of it.

I always wish my daughter a happy Mother's Day & normally see her but even I don't, I will always tell my own DD what a brilliant mum she is to her DCs on Mother's Day - because she IS!

Not great, which is why I think it feels a bit rubbish. I guess, just the complete lack of acknowledgement, to your daughter who's also in the "thick" of mothering. But thanks all for the perspective, perhaps I'm being a bit too touchy!

Yes, I guess this is the sort of interaction I mean... it just makes me sad nothing like this would ever get said back.

This is so weird to me. Why would anyone say happy Mother’s Day to anyone who’s NOT their mum?! And even more mind boggling that it upsets you.

Thanks, appreciate it. And agree on the commercial nonsense part! I guess it's more the feeling (perhaps more generally, then today just heightened it) of not being seen/supported at all, yet expected to do so for everyone else.

Goodness, all those years I should have been miffed because my mum didn’t say Happy Mothers’ Day to me 🤷‍♀️. You’re being daft.

All my friends send each other Happy Mothers Day messages. I also get flowers from my older brother and my Dad. So, I suppose it’s very dependent on your family and social group.

Why would she, OP? You're not her mother, FFS!

Am I just being grumpy, or is there even more nonsense being posted than normal today?

It's a non issue ffs. I can't believe people even think about this sort of thing.

Surely the only people who wish you a happy Mother’s Day would be your child (or your child’s father on their behalf?)

It is a day for people to celebrate their own mothers rather than a general thing surely?

I guess, because I'm her daughter and a mother too... just as in "thanks, and to you too." But point taken, thank you!