My own mum wouldn't wish me a happy mothers day back - AIBU?

[charliearms]

A quick sense-check:

I am a mum to a 2-year old. I messaged my mum, wishing her a Happy Mother's Day:

"Happy Mother's Day. Hope you enjoy "tea" with "max". Lots of love xxx."

She simply replied: "thanks xx" (and not because she's too busy)

This really upset me, that she couldn't even bring herself to wish me a Happy Mother's Day back. It seemed pretty cold, and I would have thought "normal" for your own mum to at least acknowledge your own mothering too. (I'm certainly not expecting anything more than that!). But then, am I being unreasonable?

Your thoughts please? I'd really appreciate some perspective. I don't know why this upset me so much. Perhaps it's the fact I'm having to work today rather than spend time with own child (self employed, with no family support, after high-needs son ill for last two-weeks, working from cafe seeing other mum/daughter pairs out and about etc.). Don't want to de-rail with too much info!

(FYI: "max" is my sibling, who she's meeting up with today, i'm taking her out tomorrow)

YABU - She shouldn't be expected to say anything back
YANBU - Just a little acknowledgement would be nice

I agree with this. I haven’t wished MIL happy Mother’s Day- her son has.
I wouldn’t take it to heart.

Maybe it’s more the lack of communication that’s bothering you rather than the no happy Mother’s Day to you too.

My mum hasn’t said it back to me and I didn’t even notice. But we (mum and us 3 sisters) were all chatting in a group chat.

Yes. I really hadn't thought it that strange, particularly if someone's already said it to you first. Perhaps for those with a more straightforward/supportive mother/daughter relationship, this wouldn't even feature in their thoughts. But I guess, similar to Christmas and other times, if your family isn't great or there (for whatever reason), it can just bring those feelings to the forefront. Really no more to it than that. Sorry to hear about your mum. 💐

I agree with you.
Every year on MN its quiet funny sometimes.

Your a mum everyday just knowing kids are living and a live everyday is a gift.

I can see why this would annoy you if you are already feeling pretty low, and not able to spend time with your own DC. I know when I am feeling down I try not to think about or interact with my DM because she isn't very good at emotions or empathy so expecting anything from her would just end in disappointment. Looking at it objectively though, I don't think she has really done anything wrong, just perhaps it hasn't occurred to her to say it back and she doesn't share the view that "happy Mother's day" should be a general greeting in the way that "happy Christmas" would be.

Try to focus on the feeling you will get after finishing your work and seeing your DC later.

Thank you. This really helps.

I feel like a few years ago the replies to something like this would have been very different. People might still have said you were being a bit unreasonable, but they would have done it while trying to understand where the feeling was coming from. You would get asked questions and people would try to be supportive or give genuinely helpful advice.

Now the general tone is just mean and mocking. Lots of people lining up to tell the OP she’s ridiculous. So, I do wonder what changed. Is it simply that the user base is different now, or is it a reflection of the wider mood? People are perhaps generally more stressed and less generous with each other? There’s been such a massive shift in tone and there has to be a reason.

For everyone saying, ‘but you’re not her Mother’, I agree with you, op, I don’t think it would be at all unusual for someone’s own Mother to acknowledge that their daughter is also a Mum, by saying something along the lines of ‘thanks, I hope you have a lovely Mother’s Day, too!’, in response. I suppose we all have to accept that some people are naturally less demonstrative than others, and can just be really bad at communicating through the medium of text. You got kisses, at least! Sorry you got upset today, op. Hope Mother’s Days to come are indeed happy!

Some weird replies! Of course she should have said it back, why wouldn’t she?! My mum and mil both wished me a happy mother’s day too, because it’s a nice thing to say.

No I don't expect my mum to wish me a happy mother's day. Because I'm not her mum

The amount of posts about Mother's day is huge. It's a day when the point of it is commercial, like Valentine's, Xmas etc.

The thick of mothering??!!

Come on!

i don’t think you’re being at all unreasonable. I always send my DD and my DIL a Mother’s Day card - they’re both great mothers to my DGC and it’s nice to have an opportunity to tell them.

I have never once thought that my mother should say it back. Wild.

It would have been normal conversation to say

‘Thanks. Hope you have a nice day, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.’

Is she usually a bit lacking in social skills or maybe over text? If your relationship is otherwise good, I wouldn’t let it bother you.

I sent my Mum a Happy Mother's day message and she just put a love heart emoji ao not even a reply!
I also wished my StepMum a HMD and she replied "thanks"
Didn't give it another thought!

My mum has never said HMD to me and my eldest is 30 this year!
I've never given it a thought until now. I wouldn't expect my mum to say it to me at all. Only my 2 ds and from dh when they were tiny.
Personally I think your being a bit daft to be upset.

Life is so weird these days. Happy Valentine's Day is said to your romantic partner. Happy Mother's Day to your mum. These are not general greetings.

My mum has never wished me a happy mother's day. It doesn't matter to me.

I wouldn’t expect anyone but my children to wish me a happy Mother’s Day so rather than a snub perhaps it just didn’t cross her mind either? She is also from a generation when it wasn’t such big deal as it is now. I would try not to take it as a criticism.

Why on earth would my mum wish me a happy mother's day she is my mum

I wouldn’t expect a HMD from anyone except my children. My own mum does always reply to my text with a “hope you have a lovely restful day” (yes see her in person prior to or on the day but text her in morning). DM has commented positively on my parenting and being proud etc at various points not just a round MD so I suppose I’m not looking for her validation as she expresses herself during the year.

I wouldn’t wish anyone else a HMD and not so any of my mum friends. In my social circle I think it would be looked at as odd if someone send a generic HMD message to all the mums they knew.

I would really dislike any of my friends sending me a “HMD Hope you have a lovely day and are being spoiled” type message. I’ve had that for a well meaning relative ones and just made me feel like shit. I get nice cards from my DC but nothing more and DH doesn’t really get involved. I accept that and my DC show love and appreciation in other ways. Texts saying “Hope you being spoiled” make me feel like shit though so I wouldn’t like multiple HMD messages arriving in my phone from friends. It would be odd.

There must be more to this situation as I can’t comprehend getting annoyed about this. It’s Mother’s Day. You’re not her mum. What?

My mum didn’t wish me happy Mother’s Day either - she’s a fantastic mum and deserves all my love and thanks. It’s my husband’s and kid’s job to thank me.

How many other mums did you wish happy Mother’s Day to?