My own mum wouldn't wish me a happy mothers day back - AIBU?

[charliearms]

A quick sense-check:

I am a mum to a 2-year old. I messaged my mum, wishing her a Happy Mother's Day:

"Happy Mother's Day. Hope you enjoy "tea" with "max". Lots of love xxx."

She simply replied: "thanks xx" (and not because she's too busy)

This really upset me, that she couldn't even bring herself to wish me a Happy Mother's Day back. It seemed pretty cold, and I would have thought "normal" for your own mum to at least acknowledge your own mothering too. (I'm certainly not expecting anything more than that!). But then, am I being unreasonable?

Your thoughts please? I'd really appreciate some perspective. I don't know why this upset me so much. Perhaps it's the fact I'm having to work today rather than spend time with own child (self employed, with no family support, after high-needs son ill for last two-weeks, working from cafe seeing other mum/daughter pairs out and about etc.). Don't want to de-rail with too much info!

(FYI: "max" is my sibling, who she's meeting up with today, i'm taking her out tomorrow)

YABU - She shouldn't be expected to say anything back
YANBU - Just a little acknowledgement would be nice

In fact I’m now convinced that people sit and go through mental gymnastics to find offence, given a lot of the posts on here today!

Would you normally wish it to each other? Seems odd but okay.

Just to clarify, I'm certainly not suggesting I should also be "celebrated", it was really just a small acknowledgement back - that I would have thought perhaps normal. I'm certainly not "offended" per say, it just made me feel a little down, perhaps just today brought-home a reminder of closer mother/daughter relationships, and missing that feeling of being supported by your own mum in motherhood too. But clearly I'm in the minority here, so thank you all for the perspective. Moving on with my day!

I think if you were her mum she would have wished you happy mother's day. If we had 'happy daughter's day', and she wished you 'happy daughter's day', would you phone her to wish her the same? She is/was someone's daughter.

I think it depends - do you wish other women a Happy Mother's Day? If so, and for you it's like Merry Christmas or Happy Halloween, I can see why you'd feel snubbed.

It it's more like Happy Birthday, something you only say to the one celebrating, then you are not being snubbed.

I'm a Merry Christmas type - I messaged all my friends who are mothers to say I hope they are enjoying their day. But lots of people aren't that way inclined.

shes not YOUR mother - am I missing something?

Honestly I think if this text is all the effort you’ve made today then her response is about right. I know you’re seeing her tomorrow so maybe she will then respond more to your liking.

I don't think it enters my mum's mind to wish me a happy mother's day, she's never done so and it does not upset me. Is it more of a recent thing to wish everyone who is a mum, a happy mother's day!?

Yes, I wouldn't think it strange (and in fact do, and vice versa) to say this to a friend/mother. They're obviously not MY mum, but I guess letting them know they're doing a fab job in what can be a tough phase of life!

Honestly surprised (but taking it on board, thank you), that most wouldn't say anything at all back to their daughter, who's got a young child.

Your her daughter not her mother, it seems a bit weird expecting your mother to say happy mother's day to you

This! A million times this.

I’ve never known anyone wish happy Mother’s Day to anyone other than their own mothers, or mil at a push. Neither my DH or any other family member says happy Mother’s Day to me because I am not their mother.

Honestly not "obsessed" and wouldn't expect anything "commercial" - I guess just the focus of today brought home feelings of never feeling seen/supported by my own mum in motherhood into the foreground, today more than other days. Just made me a little sad, that's all (and more than just a single text on a single day, it just felt quite representative of a wider picture). Certainly wouldn't mention anything "in real life" / go any further than an anonymous forum - and will still take her out tomorrow - just seeking opinions.

You're not her mum.

@charliearms i'm with you ,think it's a snub

Huh? My mum has never wished me a happy Mother’s Day. I’m pretty sure no one apart from my own children have.

Why have people got into the habit of wishing every Mum a happy Mother’s Day? I’ll say it to my own mum and step mum and that’s it. A WhatsApp group I’m in with some friends were wishing each other HMD this morning, I said it back because I’m not horrible but I just thought it was bloody weird.

You wished your Mum happy Mother’s Day but she doesn’t have to say it back because she isn’t your mum!

Turning it round, if she HAD said something, would it really make much difference to your relationship as there are clearly underlying issues. I can’t imagine anyone having the headspace to do this as a deliberate snub though

Maybe she thinks she shouldn't say it because it should come from your child not your mother? Nothing wrong with that.

It loses its meaning when the whole world that isn't your child is wishing you.

I rang my mum wished her a happy Mother Day but she didn’t say the same back to me..I didn’t think anything of it why would I .. my kids wished me happy Mother’s Day that’s all that matters

I agree.

This really upset me, that she couldn't even bring herself to wish me a Happy Mother's Day back - sorry, but I do think you are being a bit oversensitive about this. She took your kind wishes at face value and said thank you - she probably did not know it was a test of her coldness/warmth - best warn her next time! 😀

If you have a poor relationship with your mum and don't feel supported, would her saying happy mothers day as an empty gesture really have made any difference?

I have a close and supportive relationship with my mum. She hasn't wished me happy mothers day? Why would she? I haven't even given it any thought as to why she would or not.

Why have people got into the habit of wishing every Mum a happy Mother’s Day?

Because a lot of us think it’s nice. That’s all, really.

These replies. 😂 My MIL who I’m not even particularly close to wishes me a happy Mother’s Day every year! You don’t have to be someone’s child to wish them a lovely day.

Yes, I do think it’s a bit cold. Is she like this? I am NC with my mum and she often uses the occasion to send me an email and tell me what a terrible person I am. 🙄 But I think it’s normal to wish the special women in your family a happy Mother’s Day. For example, MIL isn’t my children’s mother, but dc still make her Mother’s Day cards. It’s a thoughtful thing to do and takes no effort.