Nothing for Mothers Day (first as a single parent)

[BattyBurg]

It’s Mothers Day tomorrow and I have a bad feeling that I’m not going to get anything this year. I’ve celebrated today with my mum, dad DC. Done a buffet and baked a cake and we all had a nice day. I had hoped to see my teen tomorrow but he’s doing stuff with his mates all day which is fine but it looks like nothing has been organised with Ex, no cards though the post, teen didn’t come down with a card or anything today and my youngest wouldn’t be able to organise anything himself apart from a card in school.

AIBU to have expected ex to have organised something? Sent a little something through the post or a card etc?

For those of you who are separated, does your ex organise anything on Mother’s Day?

I'm sorry this happened OP. I do think your teen could have arranged something though and it is unfair being out all day with friends - though to be fair to them, they may have thought Saturday was in place of mothers day. I dont think you should rely on an ex (and if he doesnt help for you, dont help for him). I personally would expect my own parents as grandparents to help my children when too young to do something themselves because theyre my parents so love me. I'd expect to give them some pocket money for it. If I didnt have parents or a friend to help, I would give my kids some money, go to a supermarket and let them choose things and buy them but try not to peek.

YANBU and I’m surprised at some of these responses. It’s the ex’s job and responsibility. I organise presents from the kids for my ex on Christmas, his birthday and Father’s Day. Not because I like my ex, I’m glad to see the back of him, but because it’s the right thing to do for the kids, and for him.

My ex has the kids EOW which includes this weekend. So I haven’t seen my kids today and they have sent me a message to say happy Mother’s Day. But I haven’t had a card or present. It’s not acceptable and it’s upsetting. It’s not about the money, I just would have liked him to take them to Tesco and pick a cheap card and a bar of chocolate.

I’m sure there will be people who tell me not to bother for Father’s Day in return. I will though because it’s the right thing to do and I want to teach my kids that.

My kids are too old for the cute cards at school but not old enough to organise / sort something themselves.

Sorry you didn’t get anything today, that’s not acceptable and it costs very little to pick up a card and a little box of chocolates etc. I’m like you and I’ll always organise Father’s Day cards and gifts, same for his birthday and same for Christmas (from the children) This year was out of character for him as to be fair he’s normally really good at organising things from the children since we separated. I know many won’t agree with this but I did text him to say I was a bit sad that Mother’s Day wasn’t acknowledged but I do hope in the future we will continue to acknowledge special occasions (via the children) especially as our youngest is disabled and wouldn’t be able to organise anything himself. I’ll continue to get cards for their dad as I do believe it’s what a decent person does unless he specifically tells me to stop. I do think it would be sad if we didn’t bother anymore.

But what's stopped the teenager getting one himself?

Buy yourself something lovely! That’s what I used to do.

I’m off shopping tomorrow to treat myself! 🎁🤷‍♀️

Well if you don't get anything, he can't expect Fathers Day stuff can he??

Ahh mate, I sympathise completely. I used to make a real effort with the ex because I wanted to model a good co-parenting relationship to our child, so I’d make sure there were cards and gifts. Alas, he’s a phenomenal thundercunt and would never reciprocate (in fairness, he never did much when we were together either). So I pulled back on that, and when it comes down to celebratory days, I sort myself out.

If DC is with me, we have breakfast in bed together in my bed (supermarket pastries and mugs of tea) as a treat. This year I bought myself two books I wanted and a bunch of flowers and, as DC was with the ex today, I also got a lie in with the cat.

I live by the concept of treating myself like my own best friend!

I’d be having a word with the teen though. Outline your expectations now!

You’re not BU. It’s nice to wake up to a little card. When my SC was at home living with me (26 one of them is now) I used to always give them money for them to buy their mum something on Mother’s Day even though they didn’t have much to do and my SD lived with her mum so I used to just check with her if her step dad had sorted it out or I would of, costs nothing to be nice?

Um, no, my ex might organize a hit man but no, not a gift for mother's day😂. Treat yourself. I would think the joy if being single is not having to play the dance of 'will he-won't he' on special occasions. He won't and can't be expected to, so take charge of your happiness.

I think it’s a bit odd to expect an ex to organise something tbh, but I would have expected something from a teenager, even if just a card. I remember going to the shop and buying my Mother’s Day flowers with pocket money, even when I was 13/14. I didn’t need an adult to organise it.

Not while my DC is a teen. You have to prompt them. I got a lovely present and a post it 💕💕

If you got a card from youngest, then your only argument is with teen DC really. I would have a little word about being more thoughtful to him.

I don't really think it's about presents, cards are lovely and it's about someone thinking of you. Which should now be teen DC, who could have made a card and then offered to make you tea or something.

so during the week i reminded my teen it was mother’s day. today i had to remind her to give me the present i had given her the money to buy. it’s not great but at least get something! i’m hoping at some point it will stick and actually happen without prompting!

We do this. Because if we don’t our children would be devastated not to have anything to gift on Mother’s Day and Father's Day.
They’re not quite old enough to
go shopping alone but I am certain they’d think to make a card if my ex didn’t help them.

I’d expect a teen to use initiative and organise something. If he/she hasn’t, I’d also be using this to have a chat about how Mother’s Day is important to you and that it’s been ignored has hurt your feelings. If you don’t do this, don’t expect your teen to become a thoughtful partner in his or her adult relationships when they’re not learning this as a child. A teen is way old enough to start thinking about the impact of actions or non actions on others.

Its sad you got nothing. But I certainly wouldn't expect an ex to organise anything. And Teens often don't bother unless prompted.

I think YABU to make this your ex’s responsibility. You need to have a word with your teen if you’re upset. He should be old enough to organise something himself. Getting your ex to sort it just makes it someone else’s job. If you actually want to raise a child who has the capacity to think about others you need to address this with him directly. Otherwise he’ll grow up to be one of those thoughtless DH’s people on this forum moan about on every special occasion.

My ex got me a card, flowers and chocolate from our 4 year old, we do 50/50 custody and I would do the same for him for Father’s Day (not the flowers)

I specifically remember when me and my sister were younger (teenagers probably?) I think it might have been my dad's birthday but same premise applies. We'd not got anything. I remember my dad sitting us down and making us realise the importance of at least a card. And that we should have got a card. Because that must show you've thought of someone of course.
I've never forgotten that.
And yes it's true.
And I do think cards are important. Maybe that's where I get it from.

I miss him

I had no one to organise my Mother’s Day gift on Mother’s Day as no family and my ex would love me to get nothing ( v bitter man) . so I used to give the kids money and they would buy me something in a shop where I was if needed , they loved it as did I and we had a picnic tea on a blanket in the lounge with a video on . Make your joy where you can ( I was hideously lonely at times as a single mum and tried to hard to turn situations round )

Exactly

My brother (who really dislikes his ex) has always gotten her something for Mother’s Day from the DC.

Now they’re getting older he’ll take them shopping to get her something but have less say.

It’s really nice for exes to do things like this but it’s not something that is mandatory and so you don’t really have a right to be upset.

Perhaps a conversation about what happens going forward.

This. I have a son and a daughter. Son is absolutely lovely in many ways, however remembering things like Mother's Day isn't on his radar. He always does remember, but I know it's my Dd or his DP who has reminded him. As far as exH goes, no chance as we privately hate one another. Personally he shows his love for me in many ways and I don't give a toss about 'getting anything' on a yet another UK 'marketing' day - I'm just proud I've taught both my children to sniff out the money in every scenario, be it a social media post (human advertiser) or an advertisement on YouTube - and that I value time with them more than any price hiked bunch of flowers.

I had years of this despite never missing my children’s dads Father’s Day or birthdays. Once they got to teen years they started buying a card. Or a pressie like a candle or socks. Whatever they got me meant so much as they used their own money, thought and time to get them. So I’d say as the kids get older you’ll be more appreciated. Even if it’s a cup of tea, toast and daffodils pulled from the garden. (Bought proudly to mr one Mother’s Day). I was just happy to have them with me on the day more than anything.