Am I being unreasonable to refuse to pay for my son’s haircut?

[RareJoker]

This in a nutshell, basically. My son is 17, I give him the money for a haircut every month but the last few times he’s had so little cut off it looks no different! He has that birds nest style that teenage boys seem to prefer these days and I’m getting sick of paying for (what looks like) nothing. This week, he had a 1cm seam razored off the bottom and the rest left untouched.
(I drop him off and know he is actually having a haircut, not spending the money on something else). He’s got a part time job and I’m tempted to say he needs to start paying for it himself.

He has a job, these are the small things that he needs to start paying for himself to help him transition into adulthood and learning to budget and prioritise.

I think it’s important that as soon as any teen has a job they aren’t just left to piss the money up the wall as they please because then it becomes a huge shock when they have to start trying to save or budget.

Even taking a percentage from them and putting it aside yourself for their future is a good idea.

Give him an allowance for all his expenses, he then can learn to budget

He's still 17 so imo you should be paying for reasonable needs such as haircuts and once a month doesn't sound bad to me, my 18yr old has very curly hair and has it about that often.

My teen DS's attitude to his hair is that when it gets to a length he likes, he 'pauses' it, in his words - i.e., he goes to the barber specifically to keep it looking exactly the same. It's his hair, and if he's happy with it, it's fine by me. I grew up with my mum controlling my hair (always much shorter than I wanted it), and then criticising it constantly when I finally had enough and insisted on growing it long, and I don't want to do the same to my DS.

I pay £16 for my DS17 haircut every month. It grows like topsy and if he doesn’t get it cut regularly he looks like a permed mushroom head by about 6 weeks and he has full blown ringlets by two months. He looked like Rapunzel during COVID. He has beautiful, glossy, chestnut curls but unfortunately he wants to look like a furry cow pat.

My teenage sons like to go to the expensive barber in town every 6 weeks or so. I think it’s a rip off as they hardly get anything off.

I give them 50% of the cost of the haircut (which is 100% of what they could spend in a different barber) & they have to pay the rest themselves.

I guess it depends how much you're paying for this monthly visit to the hairdresser?
My DH gets me to do his hair for him at home and likes it done every 3 - 4 weeks or he starts to feel untidy so I do appreciate with a very short style it needs maintenance.
Part of the reason I grew out my pixie was because the constant trims cost me a fortune while my bob can tolerate some neglect! 😂

But I suppose regardless of what it costs, if you don't want to keep paying for it, I'd just let him know that the next one is the last one you can pay for and he needs to start budgeting for it.

And yet your comments are full of barbed words.

It's only the same as girls have the tiniest bit cut off of long hair.
Just extend it to 6 weeks and then maybe 8

If you give him a money every month for the purpose of a haircut what difference does it make ihow much hair is cut off?

Would a mohican be satisfactory on the basis that they've taken two thirds off

The other way of looking at this is - is the hairdresser charging a fair amount for such a tiny trim? My (same age) son’s barber is only allowed to take off minuscule amounts and charges him £5 ( £24 for a proper cut)

I think your husband is in the minority unless he has longer hair. My son absolutely needs his hair cut every 6 weeks and so do I, for that matter or it starts to look scruffy.

Another one for let him pay for it.

He earns his own money and can pay for his own haircuts. It isn't even expensive for boys/men

Boys hair is about maintenance, not a restyle each time. At 17 I think it’s unreasonable to expect them to pay for haircuts unless money is tight. When he leaves education it’s perfectly reasonable to expect him to pay.

If you had a daughter and she had regular trims to maintain a certain length would you be this anal about it?

YABU it's maintaining the style he likes

Yes they do, I am a hairdresser and if someone has a close grade clippered haircut, to maintain it it would need to be done that often.

Yabu.
I presume he's still at school, he won't learn the value of money or financial management unless you teach him.
Work out what you spend per year on essentials for him, clothes, haircuts, travel, etc. I would exclude big things like coats.
Divide by 12 and give him an allowance. He then has to budget for those things and can choose. Get him to open a bank account and pay the money in.

He might find he chooses not have a micro haircut or he might decide it's worth it. He has to grow up and learn though.

Why on earth would he need a monthly haircut?

My Sons have the same sort of haircut as your son from what you described. I am a hairdresser and to maintain the cut it does need to be done monthly and you would be surprised how much their hair grows in that time and how much comes off from the back and sides each time, although sometimes its a lighter trim on top, I still have to cut and blend for the shape to be right. one son has a low skin fade and the other one has a grade 2. Its just the fashion atm and will soon change, I wouldnt force him to have more than he wants of but I would suggest he has a budget for things like that, he might go a bit longer between trims if he had to budget, or if he wants it monthly then he pays some towards it from the money from his part time job.

For many reasons already stated on this thread.

If he has a fade around the back and sides, they grow out within 3 to 4 weeks.

....there's a Turkish barber near us. I'm not sure I'd have the nerve to call any of their clientele 'flouncy'. Nor, indeed, have any grounds for doing so.

And I speak here as one who rather likes a bit of flounce in a man.

Depends on how many hours his part time job is, and how much he earns from it, and also how much the monthly haircut costs.

If he works little and earns little, and the haircut doesn't cost much, I would continue paying for it.

The haircut is just maintenance and not for a dramatic change so you won't notice much of a difference as such. But I get him wanting it cut back to how he likes it once a month.

Surely the point of a haircut every 4 weeks is that you want it to always look pretty much the same. If you left it longer it would grow and not look how you like it. I think at 17 if he is in education you should pay for his haircuts. It can't cost much if he is only having a trim.