Am I being unreasonable to refuse to pay for my son’s haircut?

[RareJoker]

This in a nutshell, basically. My son is 17, I give him the money for a haircut every month but the last few times he’s had so little cut off it looks no different! He has that birds nest style that teenage boys seem to prefer these days and I’m getting sick of paying for (what looks like) nothing. This week, he had a 1cm seam razored off the bottom and the rest left untouched.
(I drop him off and know he is actually having a haircut, not spending the money on something else). He’s got a part time job and I’m tempted to say he needs to start paying for it himself.

Our 17yr old is the same. Used to be 6/8 weeks now every 4. I pay for one he pays the next.

My DP has thick hair and a very short, sharp haircut and likes to keep it that way rather than letting it grow out.

I’ve got short hair and I get mine cut every six to eight weeks. It would look awful if I left it three months.

Mine is the same. Same hairstyle and the overgrown front curly hanging down part never looks like it's been cut at all. I just leave him to it.

Whether you should pay for his haircut or not form an affordability perspective depends on various factors which we're not privvy to, in terms of whether you can afford it etc.

However, YWBU to take into account how his hair is cut - it seems odd that you want more 'bang for your buck' in terms of how much he has cut off. Either you pay for it or you don't based on whether you can/want to. Having had very short hair, a small amount of growth around the more shaved sections makes a massive difference to how tidy is looks and feels

When I was his age I had a weekend job and my mum would go 50/50 on my hair cut with me. I got it cut how I wanted (but she wouldn’t have paid towards a colour or treatment). I think the local cheap and cheerful hairdresser charged around £20 for a cut and the salon I would go to was around £40 so she agreed to pay half if I wanted to go for a more expensive option. Could you apply this to your situation?

Im with other PP.
Start giving your son a monthly allowance or go 50/50 on his haircuts.
I think a monthly allowance plus any earning from a part time job, should help him learn a bit about how to manage money.

Just pay for his haircut, don’t police it

It's his hair OP. Its like when parents forbid their girls getting too much off. Same controlling thing. He can have it how he wants.

YABU! He’s maintaining the cut / length not having a complete restyle.

My son did/does get his done about once a month and it was very much tied up in his self esteem so I happily paid for it, as it was only about £10. My only objection was that he was very generous with the tip! he started paying for it himself when working full time at 18.

This is why there are so many Turkish barbers. Nothing to do with money laundering etc. It's flouncy men going for a haircut once a month

Most of the men I know go monthly.
I think it’s not unreasonable to not pay in general, but I do think it’s unreasonable that you are only not happy to pay because of the haircut itself. It’s a bit controlling.

And?
Whats wrong with there being a number of barbers?

If he's still.in full-time education then switch to giving him an allowance so he can choose how to spend his money. He can top up with his part-time earnings.

At 17 I don't think you should get to control his hairstyle by paying or refusing to pay if you don't like it.

What is a 'flouncy' man??

They also provide facial saunas, shaving and ear/nose hair removal.

There's nothing wrong

Maybe zesty was a better word

I have my haircut every 6 weeks and you don't see much change it just keeps the style in check. Isn't that what he is doing?
I think you should either carry on paying or give him an allowance to cover haircuts and other grooming deodorant etc and he can decide what he does with it

If you begrudge giving him the money monthly, then don’t. Give him whatever you can afford to. I’m not sure what you’re expecting though, even if he shaved it all off, to maintain that look he’d have to have a minimal trim monthly so would be exactly the same amount of hair off as now! If you want your hair to look the same, you need to have a month’s worth of growth cut off, which doesn’t amount to much.

Do you have a radical hair cut regularly? I had a trim every few months and literally nobody notices - including me!

Why shouldn't men have their hair cut once a month?

My 10 year old needs hair cut every 3 weeks, could do with it every 2 weeks.

Unless the top section is getting towards bobble/hairband stage it is being cut, probably doesnt look too different as messy style.

I think paying for monthly haircut is reasonable until working full time.

That said if times are tight absolutely not unreasonable to expect ds to pay for his own.

I've had to Google zesty and got this...

"Zesty" as a slang term for a person refers to someone who is high-energy, vivacious, and exciting. In Gen Z internet slang, it is also commonly used to describe a man who is flamboyant, effeminate, or, in some contexts, openly gay. It often implies a playful, energetic, or "fruity" demeanor.

By zesty and/or flouncy are you saying effeminate?

Why would going for a haircut once a month mean anything other than they want to keep their hair neat?

For example, fades are very popular but they grow out faster than some men's beards.

I’d compromise and tell him he needs to pay half.

You need to pay. Haircuts for men work differently and they do need them every month or so.

Short hairstyles lose their shape/look/tidiness more quickly than longer ones. It's not rocket science, nor is needing your haircut a character flaw or an indicator of being "flouncy" or "zesty"...