AIBU to feel there is no karma after seeing abusive ex thriving?

[Toadsandwarts9]

AIBU?

A suggested friend popped up on my social media - I clicked it and realised her profile picture was at her own wedding married to a guy who I used to date. I did not date him for very long and I was traumatised by him. He was abusive towards me and sexually assaulted me - I ended up needing a TOP and I was quite literally left in the gutter by him. I managed to get myself sorted with therapy and counselling, the local NHS services helped me too and I decided not to persue further charges due to the ongoing impact it would have. I have never in my life been treated with such utter contempt by another human being.

I have no idea how she would come up as a ‘suggested friend’.

This opened a can of worms with me looking at both his public profile and hers, they have a BEAUTIFUL 5 bedroom, 4 bathroom house and a gorgeous little boy. His wife looks stunning and kind. I could not help to think where is the Karma in this? Where is the justice for how he treated me? His profile picture is the family on holiday looking glowing and tanned and him proudly holding up his child.

It just really gets me down that bad men in this world appear to still go on to have great lives no matter how awfully they have been to woman.

I have seen similar patterns with exes and friends of exes.

Anyway - it will take me a few days to process qnd obviously I will get over it. Social media allows us access to peoples lives where the door should firmly be shut and I still have no idea why she would come up suggested but AIBU to feel there really is no such thing as Karma?

Why did you think there was karma? Read some history. People with private planes and yachts haven’t been extra good.

Genuinely, how did you manage to turn my reply into being about you?

Probably because you quoted my post, highlighted the bit of my comment on Social media, and then proceeded to disagree with what I'd said?

Your posts suggest that this experience on Facebook has triggered /re-triggered trauma. If talking about it here is helping you then great. If you feel intensity increasing rather than decreasing some real life support might be worth considering.

You did what you had to do to survive what happened in the past. Keeping yourself as safe as you could mattered. It is still the most important thing. Wondering with hindsight if you could have done things differently so he could feel the legal consequences of his actions - well you’re right that if he had been successfully convicted his life would have been changed because of that and he would have been duly punished. But keeping yourself safe was way more important than dealing out justice. Not to society who would benefit from the successful prosecution but to you - the risk of an unsuccessful prosecution (statistically most likely) on top of everything you were already surviving was one you decided wasn’t worth taking.

Yeah my ex who raped me is a multimillionaire and a pillar of the community type now. It makes me feel sick

So you probably need to read it again then, yes?

Here you go...

Hmm I truly don't know about this.

It takes less than the time it probably took you to type your post, than it does to pop a few photos on SM?
Some people use their SM accounts as photo diaries, some use them to keep in contact with friends/family and some use them for completely different reasons.

I didn't say you popped anything on SM (how on earth would I know?)

And the rest was referring to 'some people'.

Did you think the 'some people' was a code for 'you'?

Im sorry you were treated so badly op. Sounds like you are the lucky one though as you have him far away from you and not living in your house. There is zero chance this man has changed and is now a loving husband who puts his wife and marriage first. You should feel really sorry for his wife, who knows what she is living with 🙁
Unfortunately there is no such thing as Karma, take one look at the world and you will see awful people living amazing lives they don't deserve (look at the president of the USA for one!)
Social media is a load of crap, don't compare your life to the carefully curated nonsense people post online. As with lots of other posters I know someone who made their marriage look all hearts and flowers through their social media posts but in reality she was cheating on her DH and was deeply unhappy.

It takes less than the time it probably took you to type your post, than it does to pop a few photos on SM?

Considering you quoted what I said and then this was your first point who on earth am I supposed to assume you mean by you ???

I'm not interacting with you further because I don't want to derail OP's thread. If you weren't addressing me you should have made it clear, or better still, not quoted me and highlighted my comment to disagree with it!

My exh probably felt he got one over on me when our dc made up with him after lots of £££ over the years... To others he appeared a great df.. Indoors he was a twat.
In fact when he dropped dead of a heart attack at his home the dc were upstairs and didn't even notice he wasn't around...
Indoors your ex will be the same man. Social media is fake news..

Considering you quoted what I said and then this was your first point who on earth am I supposed to assume you mean by you ???

Oh Christ on an actual bike 🤦‍♀️

I did NOT say YOU popped anything on SM.

I said it probably takes people less time to pop photos on SM than it took you to TYPE your post.

I think you're right to leave it now, because I think you're just being cantankerous.

I have not searched either of them - on any social media / google. I would not have wanted to retraumatise myself. Maybe he has my number in his phone or something?

I know this logically - I have worked with woman who have been talking about wanting a divorce but then post on a Friday about how they are having an amazing night in with the love of their life and family! It is not nice when it is someone who treated me so badly. He removed some of our mutual friends from his social media and I think that was to ensure less of a chance of anything getting back to his new wife.

Yep. This one is similar. Reviews about how amazing he is online professionally - I actually think he has written them himself as they do not look genuine. One says ‘rarely do you meet nowadays such a rare breed of kind man’ 🤢 - I just do not believe someone would write it from the tone.

Karma doesn't exist, but he's probably not as happy as he looks. I don't think abusers are ever happy people, or they wouldn't behave as they do. He probably doesn't have a genuine, equal, loving relationship with the new woman, because he's not capable of it. Don't take this at face value.

For your own sanity and happiness stop looking at this stuff! What does it achieve?

In Eastern philosophies like Buddhism and Hinduism where the concept of karma originated, it is a much more complex, long-term process that spans across many lifetimes, not just one. It's not some kind of instant cosmic payback for a wrong done to you today; it's a vast, interconnected web of actions and consequences that unfold over time. I'm not saying I believe in it, but even if one did, it isn't supposed to work the way many people think or wish it did.

There is no karma. Everything does not somehow come home to us. The universe is not paying attention, and it certainly doesn't care. If there's any justice at all, it comes only from human agency, and because of that it is inconsistent and flawed.

What's really thorough, though, is social media algorithms. If a friend of a friend of yours is married to a friend of your ex, then the algorithm is going to hazard a guess that you might be friends with the bloke's wife, or that you might like to be. The algorithm thinks, "Long shot, but what have I got to lose? Costs me nothing to suggest it."

YABU to believe in karma. It's bullshit. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.

Obviously I hope he isn't abusing his wife but in reality he has or will. The potential is certainly there.

Social media is a snap shot. I certainly posted happy family holiday photos while my marriage was all going to shit.

Don't allow yourself to keep checking OP. It won't do you any good.

I think we can blame John Lennon for that.

He came up with the brilliantly-catchy but philosophically-nonsensical phrase 'Instant Karma' - and everyone thought, "Well, real karma sounds like hard work, but I'm all for the instant stuff. Like porridge."

I would guess she’s been looking at your profile

Sadly, karma is not a real thing. Life, the world, its just unfair and random, actions don't always get the consequences they deserve, and its just an extra kick in the teeth to the victims of awful behaviour when the perpatrator receives no punishment.

Then at the same time, genuinely kind, loving people who have never treated anyone badly get awful things happen to them.

I've been in the place you are with multiple abusers, the only thing that works is to block them, or i keep hurting myself "checking up" waiting to see if they ever get theirs.

I know and it appears they never do.

I'm sure if you'd seen my Facebook a decade ago you'd have thought i was in the perfect marriage. But my ex was abusive for years, and therr are still issues with post seperation abuse.

But I do totally understand. I supported my ex financially and every other way and this led to him being in a very successful career. Meanwhile I'm on a low income because of our autistic kids. He is disney dad.

But... although he appears outwardly happy and successful he cant be given all his focus is still on trying to upset me. Whereas I'm genuinely happy most of the time. So perhaps the karma is that he never can be happy it seems.

Karma is a debt to be paid in your next life, not this one…

In Eastern spiritual traditions, the concept of karma is linked with the concept of reincarnation. So bad actions are believed to result in bad consequences, but they may not necessarily happen in this lifetime. Same for good actions.

However I would never believe social media or any 'hearsay' about what a relationship is like, even from the people involved in it. Anyone who doubts this only has to read poor Virginia Giuffre's autobiography--a good and educational read. To judge from what she wrote and spoke publicly during her lifetime, her DH was a heroic and supportive husband. Revelations after her death indicate that he was physically abusive to her over a long period of time.

I am sure, given what she went through with Epstein and Maxwell, she simply couldn't bear to speak openly about the abuse within her marriage, which she had always wanted to be her sanctuary. I understand that and I understand anyone who paints a positive but inaccurate picture of their closest relationship. But the rest of us should be very careful about taking it at face value.

More likely he was searching for her.