To leave him alone (for a couple of hours) 12 hours after general anaesthetic

[awsedrftghyh]

My (fit, healthy, 71 YO) father had a biopsy at 2pm today under general anaesthetic. It's a minor op obviously but the location (inside throat) means it will be done under general anaesthetic.
He has had the op and is now in recovery, I'm picking him up at 6pm.

The hospital told him the usual advice is not to be left alone for 24 hours after general anaesthetic.

I had something planned that means being out from 6-8am tomorrow morning. I really want to go but easily could and am more than willing to cancel.

He thinks I should still go because he will be asleep at that time anyway, and I obviously wouldn't be watching him sleep but would likely be downstairs, or asleep myself if I don't go out. He thinks it won't matter if I 'pop out'. I'm a bit more cautious.

What would you do?

YABU - don't go, too risky
YANBU - go, the risk is very negligible

This is completely untrue. Many people are fine but others have delayed reactions - see PP upthread who was fine, then had a drop in blood pressure, fell and smashed her face off the toilet.

id go for the later slot as it’s another couple of hours post-anaesthetic and he’ll know how he feels when he gets up.
i had a GA recently and i was pretty groggy for 24 hours (also a quick procedure, not a full-on operation). I would’ve been fine w someone popping out for 2 hours.

You wouldn't need to check on him, you'd just need to be in the same building as him in case he fell, or had some other post-surgery complication.

I can only imagine those people saying "nah, leave him, he'll be grand" have never been around someone suffering an adverse reaction from GA, because it's bloody scary.

The hospital told him the usual advice is not to be left alone for 24 hours after general anaesthetic.
I would definitely follow the advice, it's a low likelihood but potentially very high impact risk.

thank you. To be fair, the first 24 hours were ok, but he then had an unpredictable but not unheard of post op complication (post op stroke) and I found his body a while after. It was bad enough knowing that we'd done everything by the book....would have been even more devastating if it'd happened while he was supposed to have a resident carer looking out for him. Most people do get away with it when they decide they're ok to break the rules...just every so often though it really won't be ok.

Oh my word, my heart is breaking for you, honestly. You’re so right on every level. I am so sorry for your loss. As you say, you knew there was nothing more that you could have done. My dad is now 80 and my mum in her late 70s, anything they need medically that is more than a GP or dentist appointment I take leave and stay with them as you never know. And you can’t always fix it, but you can know you tried. Again, my true and deepest sympathies. You did everything right. Sending love.

I think I’d stay but probably only because I’d want to still be asleep at that time!

If anything happens during the hours they have told you to be with him and he becomes unwell because of it - what then ?

My god no thats worse then leaving him to sleep. Op he will be fine

He'll be a kip OP. Just go to your thing m

My mum was 71 when she passed away. It's about his general health, not his age.

I haven't been alone with someone who has complications, no. I'm very sorry if you have.

I've moved it to the 9.30-10.30 slot so that I can make sure he wakes up okay, gets downstairs okay and has eaten breakfast and been hydrated. Then I can assess if he is well enough to be left by himself for a short time with neighbours on call just in case and willing to pop in on him, or if I need to stay. It will have been 22 hours post GA by the time I leave him. He is very insistent that I do not cancel so this feels like a good compromise.

For the record I will not be wearing leggings and have never owned anything by luluwhatever.

Medical advice to be with someone for 24 hours is given for a reason. However I think moving your appointment so you are around for 22 hours seems reasonable.

He will probably be fine if you leave him, but I think confining him this bed, pissing in a bucket so you can attend your event isn't really on. Your obviously not confident in your decision and personally I would just worry. The anaesthetic stays in your system for 24-48hrs, you can become drowsy or lightheaded fairly suddenly, and your dad's judgement is still technically impaired. In the rare event something does happen your just going to blame yourself

I don't know why you agreed to care for him afterwards if you aren't prepared to do the 24hrs.

The thing is, you never know if you will be that person until it happens,

Knew you were going to do anyway, wonder why you asked in the first place really.

@awsedrftghyh i wouldn't leave him last time I had GA at 27 I was groggy for 24 hours.

I actually didn't agree. No one asked me. It was just assumed that I would.

(Like it was assumed that I would move in and put my entire life on pause to do literally everything for Mum for 6 full years: every incontinence pad change, every shower, every nose blow, and never spend more than a few minutes away from her or do a single thing that was for me.

And now Dad has cancer just a few months after Mum died. And I'll do everything he needs, for as long as it takes. Because I love him. But I also need to listen to him and check what he wants and check what's right for both of us and have some balance because it looks like this is going to be another long road.

I will wait 22 hours. I will be very careful to make sure he has everything he needs in the morning, that he is feeling okay and is comfortable on the sofa with everything to hand and every need met before I go out, if I go , and if there are any signs that he is not okay I will cancel.

I asked for advice and thoughts. I received them. I've had mixed advice. I've considered it and consulted others and made a provisional decision. Asking has been helpful and I have altered my provisional plans accordingly.

My best friend had a GA (was for teeth removal) and had a funny turn when going up the stairs. Luckily her DP was right behind her and stopped her falling.

Then you have my DP, who had a hernia repair and was at a xmas disco the next evening. When I met him at the hospital, he marched out grasping a Costa coffee... like he had just finished a shift, not had a GA.

Fair enough.

Surely he checked that you were off work and available?

Sorry about your dm but yes looking after out family tends to be the norm unless there is a big drip feed coming regarding poor relationships.

I hope your df is ok .

Good for you OP, well done 👏

Ignore any mean comments, you asked so clearly for advice rather than criticism, so I don’t know why some pps think that’s what is required. 🙄 there are always some…

He didn't check, I work from home. I only found out about this yesterday.

I also don't think you can call spending every moment of the last 6 years doing everything for someone who was almost immobile and doubly incontinent 'the norm', we wouldn't have a serious crisis in the care sector if that were true