To not make DD6 (Year 1) do homework?

[Thesnailonthewhale]

She was 6 in December, an she's above age related expectations in all areas. Reading age of 8y6m.doing Year 2 maths etc

School are getting a bit uppity about her not completing the set homework each week. (Spellings, some maths sheets etc)

She reads every day without being prompted and is incredibly inquisitive etc helps around the house, plays creatively, is active.
She counts coins at shops, does puzzle books, can tell the time to quarters and halfs and (still working on 5 mins) - weighs and measures ingredients for cooking and baking etc. (all applied maths)

Should I make her do the extra stuff? I can't see the point personally.

If your child has that response to writing "because", then there are 3 reasons:

• They are really struggling with school and have a learning disability.
• They are not used to being told they have to do something they haven't actively chosen and need firmer boundaries.
• They have some fairly serious additional needs/ ND causing them to be unable to regulate their emotions.

A normal, well-parented 6 yo does not have a complete breakdown because they've been asked to do 10 minutes of spelling practise.

You need to seek some support rather than just not do homework because if right now writing "because" causes this reaction, what will happen when she's in Y10 and completing difficult work at home is necessary to pass her GCSEs?

The third reason is the most likely.

If you have good reason to suspect she has ND at this level of support need then it's very important you get the support in place asap.

Ordinarily I'd say make her do her homework but such an extreme reaction isn't normal so I think the more pressing issue for you is to seem assessment. I'd also ask for a meeting with her teacher to discuss this so matters can be clear between you.
But she will eventually have to do homework and those meltdowns are unlikely to go away by themselves so you will need to work on it but you have plenty of time as she's so young.

Of course you can force her. She works well at school. That's great. She can do the little bit of homework they set and get over herself. She can do her spellings.

She's not any different to her other classmates and should do the work set. It's year 1, it won't be too arduous (that means difficult).

Well you sound delightful🙄

@Thesnailonthewhale I wouldn't force a distressed child to do their homework either. It's the end of a school day, at age 6 they are exhausted. Fuck that.

Schools in Finland are amongst the best in the world and they have minimal homework (if any) in primary school.

I see you’re still dodging the question of why you won’t get help for your daughter when you know this isn’t a normal or healthy reaction to homework.

You are doing her a terrible disservice.

That requires actually parenting her appropriately though!

That's not true about Finland. My son is in 1st grade in Finland and gets homework every day, and if he doesn't do it he has to stay behind after school to do it (and I've seen from my older child the difference it makes when they do do their homework and study at home). And when Finland was actually at the top of PISA scales, children had even more homework and a much more formal old fashioned teaching style.

OK, please show me academic research that says what is apparently a few minutes of Twinkl sheets for primary children matters in terms of attainment

My son did get told off despite homework being optional so I asked the teacher to stop telling him off. It was on her not to make him feel bad. He’s a little boy.

To many families, that 40 minutes a week is scarce and valuable and is fitted in between making sure they’re fed, they sleep, they talk about problems they have etc. that 40 minutes for us is spent playing card games or, weather permitting, playing garden games or just chatting. They learn 7 hours a day in school, they work hard and deserve a break.

WFH are within paid time.

If an employer is expecting someone to take work home and work for free they aren’t to be emulated.

I never made my DD do primary homework and she has no problem doing secondary school homework

🤣🤣I earn very well thank you
And I also don’t work for free just because I earn well.
Just because your DH lets his workplace take the piss (or can’t for some reason do his work within working hours) doesn’t mean we are all mugs.
I ain’t working for free for anybody

Don listen to these loons OP.

They never grew out of wanting to be the snitch Head Girl waiting for a sticker and a bit of praise from teacher, and are happy to watch their own children suffer because “Well teacher says, so we have to!”

Or maybe they don’t have a learning disability but just don’t want to do it, is knackered and that’s fair and reasonable?

Why must everyone assign a named problem to perfectly normal behaviour

How does one force a child to do anything? Put them in a chokehold? Threaten them?

I’m pretty sure the OP doesn’t need you patronising her. You don’t seem at all intelligent (and seem emotionally very unhinged not emotionally intelligent) so you’ve a bit of a nerve smugly coming on explaining the meaning of common words.

No they don't, they are in school 6 hours a day with at least 1 hour of breaktime, so less than 5 hours.

You have 18 hours a day when your child is not in school, up to 10 of which might be sleep, so you need to find time in that other 8 hours a day.

I think if you are only able to devote an average of 6 minutes a day to your children you probably should be making some lifestyle changes so that you have time to play garden games and do homework too.

Thank you! I always sat with my kids and did their hw with them. I remember teaching them the number line in year 1

My eldest tutored primary school as his PT job in secondary. He had to set classwork, mark hw and go over corrections. He didn't experience people crying and saying "oh I don't want to do this".

And these were kids that needed extra help.

Not every child does suffer. My kids didn't mind doing their homework and both loved reading anyway.
I have said don't do the homework if it bothers you so much but don't pretend every child is suffering because their parents got them to practise spellings for 5 minutes.

Screaming and crying over writing out a few spellings is not even slightly close to normal behaviour. It's also not remotely reasonable.

My DH doesn't work for free at all sunshine. He's very well compensated (north of £200k). Just big projects, many factors and locations in play and he (and the rest of the team) have to get the job done.

Honestly the amount of butthurt people because others don’t make their kids do homework is hilarious 🤣

Your kids school times must be different to mine then.

Yes funnily enough I get to choose how they spend their 8 awake hours - not you, or their teachers, or anyone else. It might surprise you to learn that every family is different, and so approaches thing differently.

I never said I was only able to devote 6 minutes a day, so stop making things up. It’s completely weird and pathetic. I said 40 minutes a week is valuable and every family is different. I choose to spend that 40 minutes with them having fun, not doing something neither of us want to do. My DS is at football 2-3 hours a night (not including travel) except one day a week. Our spare time at home is scarce and is spent with one another and playing with his sister. I know in MNland I should be self flagellating with shame for not making him do a load of times tables instead but given I’m a normal human, and don’t hate myself for my choices

By actually parenting them, having rules and not letting them do whatever they want. Life's not a free for all.

OP has said her child is suffering and she’s having people tell her to force her anyway, gloating about how they’d happily force their own kids would endorse and in-school punishment too.

My kids love reading too. They just don’t like homework.

Children being tired and disliking homework, and <gasp> expressing that dislike is entirely normal. You don’t have to put a diagnosis to everything you know. Every kid has a complex about something, doesn’t mean they have a disability