Is my mum right?

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have a partner I am marrying in July and a son aged 9 with my ex husband.

Mothers Day is coming up, so I have obviously went and got my mum presents and my partner vice versa.

Before living with DP, my mum had took DS out to pick out a couple of things for me for mothers day and a card, but had stopped this because she said that my DP should really be doing this now.

Last year, I had to remind him to take out DS and DS had asked could he use his pocket money to buy me something (I refused and gave him a tenner) - my mum has said it should have been DP coughing up a small amount rather than me.

This year, DS hasn't brought it up, so I have simply let it be. No cards in the house, no small token as a gift. I dont even want to bring it up at this stage and just take the card he makes at school as my gift.

DS's dad absolutely despises me, so wont take his son out for me, but does go all put for his girlfriend - as shes "step mum".

My mum says its now up to my DP to do something - even if its something very small.

Its made me think about it more, and it would be nice to feel a bit appreciated and I may feel a bit deflated on mothers day waking up to not even a small token of appreciation

Your mum is right, and if your partner is so thoughtless at this early stage I certainly wouldn’t be marrying him. It won’t get any better.

I have kept all the handmade cards my sons gave me when they were little. They are more precious to me than anything they could have bought in a shop.

I think it should be your ex. But other than that yea maybe your partner could step up. However, I would like to think I would step in if it was my grandkids. So in truth I think they’re all being as bad as each other. Has your mom got any other concerns about your partner?

I agree with your mom that your partner should be helping your son prepare a little something for Mother's Day. But instead, he's completely uninvolved.

Does he ever get involved with holiday stuff? How involved is he in your past Mother's Day things and other holidays?

Your son is 9 , they’re aware of Mother’s Day at school.
for me mothers day is my daughters’ responsibility. Just tell your child you’re looking forward to Mother’s Day . If they don’t make anything at school anymore mention it to your partner. I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with allowing a child to spend some pocket money on their mum .

Yes i think your partner should make sure your son has got you something, it shows he cares about your son and you, your mum could step in but i think she is trying to make a point.

This year, DS hasn't brought it up, so I have simply let it be. No cards in the house, no small token as a gift.

But it's only Monday and MD isn't until Sunday?

I mean you could take him to a shop to pick a card and wait outside for him. Why can't he spend his pocket money ?

How about you just wait til Sunday and see what pans out ? I haven’t bought my mum anything yet nor MIL and I’d imagine lots of people are same

Your mom is correct.

Your mum is correct, it’s down to your dp now. That said it’s only Monday.. there is still 6 days!

A 9 year old is old enough to know it is Mothers' Day and to make a card without supervision and to ask to go to the shops, if they can't go to one under their own steam. And, I'd suggest that they should have routine pocket money that covers things like family presents, rather than giving them money specially.

I think partners really only organise Mothers' Day on behalf of children when the children are very young.

Oh for goodness sakes. Your son can do a card on his own can’t he? Why does he have to give you a gift? And maybe your mum or partner can suggest to him he makes a card. Hopefully your partner can do a breakfast with your son for you.

If you had to remind your dp last year and then again this year there’s nothing, have you made a good choice of partner? Why would you choose this again?

I think it’s a little unreasonable of your mum to stop now, given that your son in a year or two will be old enough to sort out his own Mother’s Day card and gift for you.

However I suspect that if your mum knows even the half of the issues in your relationship that you’ve posted about on here, she probably (rightly) can’t stand your DP and thinks this is yet another area in which he’s a waste of space.

At 9 a child is plenty old enough to sort this out for themselves. Why isn’t the card made at school enough?

(Stepparent) Your mum is right; it’s your partner’s responsibility.

It would be on DP yes, but I’d think it’s on DP to make sure you have a homemade card and to remind DS the night before it’s Mother’s Day and to come and give you a cuddle in bed.

Imo a cuddle and a homemade card can’t be beaten and that plus a lie in is enough.

I agree with the first post on this thread. It doesn't sound promising. Listen to your Mum.

I can see everyone’s point, here! You’ve kind of fallen between 3 stools. None of them have definitive responsibility.

I’d go to a suitable shop with your son, give him a tenner and then wander off for 10 minutes.

In future years, I’d make sure he always has enough pocket money to buy you gifts independently (for birthday and Christmas too).

Op Id take your son shopping and let him go off for a few minutes and get you something. Would have been nice for your mum to continue what she was doing before though. I don't really see it as your partners job as he isn't his parent.

Have you communicated any of this to your partner? Your DS isn't his so he may not realise that you consider this to be his responsibility.

It's true. You should be buying things for your own mum on mother's day, not her supplying them on behalf of your children when you have a perfectly functioning husband. Well, your husband isn't perfectly functional at all is he. He's a prick. That's the issue here.

Not sure what you're expecting, it's not mother's day yet... And a card is good enough IMO.

Honestly I think you should do this, your son needs an adult in his life that cares enough and that isn't trying to prove a point or willfully ignores you. He will thank you for it.