Is my mum right?

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have a partner I am marrying in July and a son aged 9 with my ex husband.

Mothers Day is coming up, so I have obviously went and got my mum presents and my partner vice versa.

Before living with DP, my mum had took DS out to pick out a couple of things for me for mothers day and a card, but had stopped this because she said that my DP should really be doing this now.

Last year, I had to remind him to take out DS and DS had asked could he use his pocket money to buy me something (I refused and gave him a tenner) - my mum has said it should have been DP coughing up a small amount rather than me.

This year, DS hasn't brought it up, so I have simply let it be. No cards in the house, no small token as a gift. I dont even want to bring it up at this stage and just take the card he makes at school as my gift.

DS's dad absolutely despises me, so wont take his son out for me, but does go all put for his girlfriend - as shes "step mum".

My mum says its now up to my DP to do something - even if its something very small.

Its made me think about it more, and it would be nice to feel a bit appreciated and I may feel a bit deflated on mothers day waking up to not even a small token of appreciation

I feel for you and sorry to hear you feel under appreciated.
My DDs father and i arent on good terms either but we do both give our DD a small amount to get a card and token gift for the other. (He also goes all out for his partner who has no children and very limited contact with ours so i get that is irksome too!) its nice for our DD if nothing else to shop with one for the other.
I do agree with PP that this is the right approach and shouldn't fall to our own parents and/or new partners but i do also buy myself something i want at mothers day, christmas and birthday and give to my daughter to give with the token bits. Its not really the spirit but i appreciate me as the main parent & care giver so please do treat yourself and know you are doing a great job!

Think about it for a minute.

OP's mom has been basically in charge of her grandson's MD gifting. Nice, but she's right that that's really not her job. You should be getting her a little something. Now there's a live in partner in the picture and if he's part of the family, he needs to act like it. You're getting married in just a few months. If he leaves you feeling unappreciated on a holiday, you know that's what to expect during your marriage.

Have you asked him to take care of this? He's going to be a stepfather in a few months and as you and your ex are on poor terms, it's for this guy to step up a bit. Or not, if that's what he chooses and you accept.