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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this being complained at or just commenting

55 replies

Springiscomingyyyy · 08/03/2026 11:05

One day last week , came home to partner obviously in a mood . He tells me spend 20 mins cleaning kitchen after ‘ you and yours trashed it ‘ was taken back as I had been in kitchen that morning before work , so asked what he means . 1There was breakfast plates in counter above dishwasher , this is the same everyday as I am told I unload it too noisily when putting things away . 2. On the draining board there was stuff , I had taken out sandwich boxes from dishwasher and put them there to drip dry and I also washed potato ricer that had soaked over night . He said that was still dirty , never uses it so I would realise when next used , never uses sandwich boxes either .
3 two baking trays on hob , often they are as dishwasher on night before and not enough room .4 some green veg on floor so he had to mop floor .

This weekend he comes in and says it is too hot huffs and puffs . Me and visiting daughter and her boyfriend sat in our jeans . He flounces off and changes into shorts and says it’s too hot as have been playing with thermostat . I reply haven’t touched it for weeks .

this morning come back from shopping kitchen window wide open and I can’t reach it . I say that’s so wide I can’t touch it . He says daughter’s boyfriend practically set kitchen on fire he obviously doesn’t know what he is doing . Boyfriend 25 and was frying bacon and egg .

i say he is always complaining he says it’s not complaining just commenting.

Currently seeing a councillor as his family are just toxic .

is this complaining or am I just sensitive?

OP posts:
Horses7 · 09/03/2026 20:18

Male menopause or he just doesn’t like living with people who leave veg on the floor etc etc.

ShakeNCake · 09/03/2026 20:39

OP i've been in this exact position, and others who haven't are incredulous. If you put them in the dishwasher it will be done wrong, if you hand wash them and put them away it will be too loud, but if you leave them on the side you're making a mess. You cannot win, and in the end you second guess absolutely everything. My Ex actually said to me "don't use your intuition because its always wrong. If you think something is a good idea, do the opposite". Its not worth walking on eggshells. Life can be easier than this!

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 10/03/2026 18:13

BlueMum16 · 08/03/2026 11:30

I agree it's a bit moany/complaining but my dad did this all the time. It was just his way to moan all the time but didn't mean harm or directed at anyone.

His issue seems more around the other people - does DD and her BF live with you? Is your DP her dad? Is this a dynamic of blended families and DP resentful of other adults?

Visiting DD

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 10/03/2026 18:23

Springiscomingyyyy · 08/03/2026 15:00

It’s my house , I keep being told he has standards and he is only commenting. I am posting here to see if Aibu .Someone earlier said I would argue black is white .

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I think I'd be saying something along the lines of:

If you don't like it, you can always do it yourself.

If you don't like it, you can always fuck off/you don't HAVE to live here....

Sorry if it's been asked already but what joy does he bring to the relationship?

The 'you and yours' comment is just plain nasty imo.

Personally I'd ltb.
I'm ltb at the moment and it's fucking hard. We have two DC, nearly 12 and 8 and I know they want us to be together but after 16 years where I've tried and tried and given chance after chance; I'm so unhappy in the relationship and the thought of intimacy gives me the ick.
I don't love him romantically but I recently gave him 'a final chance ' 🫣
3-6 months but I don't think I can do one month 🫣

Anyway I digress.

You are not being unreasonable lovely.
Fuck him off and have a peaceful life 💖

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