Is this being complained at or just commenting

[Springiscomingyyyy]

One day last week , came home to partner obviously in a mood . He tells me spend 20 mins cleaning kitchen after ‘ you and yours trashed it ‘ was taken back as I had been in kitchen that morning before work , so asked what he means . 1There was breakfast plates in counter above dishwasher , this is the same everyday as I am told I unload it too noisily when putting things away . 2. On the draining board there was stuff , I had taken out sandwich boxes from dishwasher and put them there to drip dry and I also washed potato ricer that had soaked over night . He said that was still dirty , never uses it so I would realise when next used , never uses sandwich boxes either .
3 two baking trays on hob , often they are as dishwasher on night before and not enough room .4 some green veg on floor so he had to mop floor .

This weekend he comes in and says it is too hot huffs and puffs . Me and visiting daughter and her boyfriend sat in our jeans . He flounces off and changes into shorts and says it’s too hot as have been playing with thermostat . I reply haven’t touched it for weeks .

this morning come back from shopping kitchen window wide open and I can’t reach it . I say that’s so wide I can’t touch it . He says daughter’s boyfriend practically set kitchen on fire he obviously doesn’t know what he is doing . Boyfriend 25 and was frying bacon and egg .

i say he is always complaining he says it’s not complaining just commenting.

Currently seeing a councillor as his family are just toxic .

is this complaining or am I just sensitive?

How's he even going to know unless she's deliberately slamming cupboards?

Come on.

He sounds like a complete bellend.

an apple that hasn't fallen far from the tree.

i think it's time to seriously think about separating.

you're getting a lot of negativity because reading comprehension is so poor in MN these days.

Re read your posts OP. There's so many "he doesn't like me doing....." He sounds like a controlling moany arsehole. Apart from that everyone should chip in to keep the kitchen clean. I guess by the "you and yours" comment the dcs are your children or he sees himself as seperate from the rest of the family. Again, arsehole.

Re the morning dishes scenario, throw it back to him and ask what you are supposed to do if a) you aren't allowed to empty the dishwasher, b) if you hand-wash you can't put away due to the noise, and c) he doesn't want dishes left on the draining board?

As an aside, how noisy are you putting dishes away? Occasionally my dh will moan that I clatter about in the kitchen putting stuff away but i can be quieter if i think about it if he is asleep

Well I wouldn't be worrying about that. Just start emptying the dishwasher and tell him why if he complains.

Apparently the noise travels up the walls , I am not slamming anything

He sounds like a whiner but more importantly he sounds like a man who doesn't want your daughter or her boyfriend in the house. His house? Your house?

He's complained about it, so she's stopped unloading the dishwasher in the morning. He's just creating issues then moaning. He's a bellend.

It doesn't really matter whose house it is when they're both living there. The daughter & boyfriend were only visiting.

i hope it's her house & she can just tell him to leave 🤞🏼

Yep complete arse, she just needs to get rid of him.

It would wake me Someone (quietly)making a hot drink wakes me up.

it is not 'silly' to not be you.

The problem is the poor level of reading comprehension

I am not sure.

Is OP clattering around the kitchen when unloading the dishwasher? I unload mine first thing and I make an effort to do it quietly as we live in a bungalow (and I am sometimes disturbed by my son clattering in the kitchen at odd hours as he works shifts and his eating pattern can be out of sync with ours) so I try to keep the clattering to a minimum as I know it can be heard. It all gets unload, wiped over if necessary and put away with very little noise or drama.

What time was boyfriend in kitchen? Was it early and he woke DH up? Was he generally being noisy and messy and letting the smell waft through? If one of us is frying then we usually shut the kitchen door and put the extractor hood on. We might also open a window.

It could be DH being a moany arse, or he could getting annoyed for valid reasons.

Then ask him what he wants you to do. The usual noise of tidying the kitchen at breakfast time is expected. His choice is, you empty the dishwasher, or you leave it for him to do when he is up. He can’t have it both ways.

Just went into kitchen , dishwasher empty but he has left his lunch dishes on counter and must of been there for an hr . It’s the hypocrisy that I find annoying.

Why are you with him? Whose house is it?

It’s my house , I keep being told he has standards and he is only commenting. I am posting here to see if Aibu .Someone earlier said I would argue black is white .

Why are you with him?

So it’s your house? You aren’t married I assume and the kids are yours? Seriously why are you with this utter knob? Get rid of him.

Are you married? Is he the kid’s dad? How long have you been with him?

Just trying to get an understanding as to why you’ve stayed with him, because he sounds very controlling and he is pretty much the reason you leave the kitchen a mess, if you’re not “allowed” to tidy unless it’s his way when it suits him.

Just a side note - I can’t ever remember a time when my partner has said I’m not allowed to do something. You do realise that it’s not really how adults in a healthy relationship speak to one another, yes?

He sounds like a grumpy old git - is he menopausal 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Has he lived with you long OP? Because there's a difference if this is two people relatively new to dealing with each others standards, and a person in a long term relationship suddenly starting to get annoyed about things that have always been an issue.
If its the first, then it may be teething troubles and you both need to be a bit more tolerant and open to compromise. However if he's just suddenly started having a go about things he didn't before, it might be a passive aggressive way of causing a row because there are other issues at play.

It’s a newish development he is definitely turning into a grumpy old man -59 and now I am thinking who wants to live like this ?

Maybe he doesn’t actually know but is just being controlling.

Ex was just like this, after 25 years whatever I did was wrong too noisy not good enough. He was being chatted up by a woman who looked like a bulldog. He was really ugly but I think I validated him. Left him they lasted 2 weeks.