Is this being complained at or just commenting

[Springiscomingyyyy]

One day last week , came home to partner obviously in a mood . He tells me spend 20 mins cleaning kitchen after ‘ you and yours trashed it ‘ was taken back as I had been in kitchen that morning before work , so asked what he means . 1There was breakfast plates in counter above dishwasher , this is the same everyday as I am told I unload it too noisily when putting things away . 2. On the draining board there was stuff , I had taken out sandwich boxes from dishwasher and put them there to drip dry and I also washed potato ricer that had soaked over night . He said that was still dirty , never uses it so I would realise when next used , never uses sandwich boxes either .
3 two baking trays on hob , often they are as dishwasher on night before and not enough room .4 some green veg on floor so he had to mop floor .

This weekend he comes in and says it is too hot huffs and puffs . Me and visiting daughter and her boyfriend sat in our jeans . He flounces off and changes into shorts and says it’s too hot as have been playing with thermostat . I reply haven’t touched it for weeks .

this morning come back from shopping kitchen window wide open and I can’t reach it . I say that’s so wide I can’t touch it . He says daughter’s boyfriend practically set kitchen on fire he obviously doesn’t know what he is doing . Boyfriend 25 and was frying bacon and egg .

i say he is always complaining he says it’s not complaining just commenting.

Currently seeing a councillor as his family are just toxic .

is this complaining or am I just sensitive?

He’s obviously complaining. You know this.

I’d complain about a messy kitchen (leaving green veg on the floor is a bit ridiculous), as well. Everything else, he’s being a bit of a knob, imo.

I didn’t even see any when I was in the kitchen , but guess must of been some .

Oh, you have only his word for this? You didn’t see it yourself? Then he might be fibbing just to have something to complain about. He certainly sounds the type.

I’d get annoyed at the mess in the kitchen too. He probably sees it as drawing it to your attention as opposed to complaining. I also get annoyed when it’s too hot or too cold and the thermostat is something me and DH bicker about. All sounds pretty normal to me.

He sounds like an are. Draining. Bitching about inconsequential things.

the you and yours comment was loaded with hidden meanings, as though you and yours are terrible. I’d ask him firmly to say what it is that he wants to say instead of being passive aggressive

He is complaining and rightly so as it doesn't sound as though you, your DD and her boyfriend are doing much to tidy up after yourselves.

Even the plates above the dishwasher, how hard is it for people to just wash them by hand when they're finished with them?

Yes but he’s a man so being tidy is him being a controlling arse. Messy men are also wrong too…

op I’d be annoyed at people leaving a mess too. If you’re around tomorrow we’re a bloke you’d be told to tidy up after yourself

Wow. You’re basing that on what?

OP knows exactly what was left lying around the kitchen and even gave up chapter and verse on why she had left it all lying. I don’t know how they split chores, but if hers was to clean the kitchen that night then I’d have been fed up with her too.

And the boyfriend cooking bacon and creating a bunch of smoke is annoying, he opened a window wide, which is a perfectly normal thing to do, and OP comes home and complains that a window is open too far? Who actual complains about that? He opened it, so leave it and he’ll close it and ask him to close it. But OP had a moan about a window being open…. Grow up.

I agree it's a bit moany/complaining but my dad did this all the time. It was just his way to moan all the time but didn't mean harm or directed at anyone.

His issue seems more around the other people - does DD and her BF live with you? Is your DP her dad? Is this a dynamic of blended families and DP resentful of other adults?

Exactly.

If a woman walked into the kitchen where no-one had bothered to wash up their breakfast plates, or dry up what had been washed the day before and left stuff on the hob, whilst leaving food on the floor to be slipped on underfoot, I can only imagine the outcry.

There are 3 adults in that house and a boyfriend who cooks himself breakfast.

Why shouldn't they all clean up after themselves?

He doesn’t like me using the drain board if I wash anything it goes in the dishwasher too

To be honest, it wrecks my head when people just walk off and leave the place untidy especially if I've spent time cleaning it. I get that people are different. But cleaning up as you go takes two mins and its respecting others who have to share the space with you. I'd be complaining too.

See this is where it’s so nuanced, without being there we can’t know if he has a point and the OP and her family are messy or if he’s constantly nitpicking.

This does sound very like my controlling and joy sapping ex husband though. Note EX.

For breakfast dishes I can’t put them away as he says sound of cupboards can be heard in bedroom , I can’t wash them up as he hates draining board as says dishes not clean so I do leave them next to full clean washer .

You use the draining board while you're washing up though.

And then you grab a tea towel, dry and put away 🤷‍♂️

I think the thermostat thing is fairly normal it certainly is in my house. DH and I are constantly changing it, he wants it warmer and I'm usually too hot. DH is disabled and can't move about much so that might be part of the problem. We just make a joke if it.

I'd be less than impressed a out the kitchen issues, why can't he just deal with it.

Have you posted about him before? Is he generally hostile towards your DD? Who put him in charge? Two of you decide what goes were. You had good reason to leave the dishes, so he STFU. Three of you found the temperature fine, so he goes and puts less clothes on. My DH used to just stand outside for a bit. He worked outside and was used to the cold. This is just going to get worse as you both age. Why live in this misery? So what he cleaned the kitchen floor, boo fucking hoo. He's a moaning arsehole.

Wash them, dry them and put them away?

This idea appears to be too radical for all the adults in the house.

Apart from fact that he doesn’t like me putting things away if he isn’t up

I think he is complaining. Either that or he is really dull and thinks that giving you a blow by blow account of his housework is a good conversation topic. A comment would be 'I tidied the kitchen' a complaint is assigning blame 'i cleaned up the mess in the kitchen that you made'

Whether his complaints are justified though isn't really clear

Did you miss the bit where OP says he complains if she puts them away?

What does he add to the sum of happiness in the home, or is it all negative? His complaints are very petty.

Oh don't be silly.

Close the cupboards normally and no-one's waking up.

I've a feeling if we said black you'd say white for the sake of it.