To be a bit heartbroken about having a small wedding?

[Bubem855]

Bit of back story, been with my partner 9 years, engaged for 2.5 years and have an 18 month old.

I don’t have a big family, I’m very close with my mum but don’t have a great relationship with my dad (we just make small talk really after being no contact for about 10 years) and don’t really speak to my brother (for no particular reason but he is austistic and we don’t have much in common). I don’t have any grandparents, have a few aunties and uncles and cousin but again I don’t really have contact with them personally.

me and my partner have discussed how/where we would like to get married as he also wouldn’t choose to invite many people (probably about 8 people on his side). To be honest, I would only really want my mum there however at a push could invite my auntie too.

AIBU to be really upset about having a small wedding? It’s not even the fact of the wedding being small I’m upset because I don’t really have any family to invite? I have some friends however we would really just want to invite family to the wedding. I really hope someone gets this.

Friends are the family you choose

@Bubem855 We had a tiny wedding with just 18 guests and it was the most romantic and magical day ever. Just close family and friends. For us it was partially to do with budget, but also because we didn't want ro invite people we weren't close to.
Each to their own, but I will never understand why so many people choose to fork out a lot of money for literal strangers to come to their wedding (in the form of a plus one!) I just find that really bizarre.
We did away with all of the who sits where nonsense and had one big table at the wedding breakfast - it was absolutely lovely.
The whole day was so relaxed and joyful.
We invited a few more less-close friends to the evening reception but still kept the intimacy of the whole day.
Zero regrets.

Big weddings cost an absolute fortune. I do get what you’re saying but a small intimate wedding can be lovely. We had 12 guests to our wedding, as we have a small family. It was very special.

The most beautiful wedding I’ve ever been to, had 14 people there, including the bride and groom (my half brother).

DS had two weddings. One had just myself and DIL's DM present (a very quick legal ceremony). It was held in a registry office in a city often voted the most beautiful. Afterwards we took photos and walked to a restaurant with a private dining room and had a celebratory meal with dads, the best-man and matron of honour.
The applause, cheers, horns being blasted and the wellwishes of strangers was totally unexpected, but lovely. It was a wonderful day.
A fortnight later they had a huge affair costing six figures. Whilst it was spectacular, the private day with just the eight of us was my favourite. It was far more personal and we spent the day with DS and DIL. They barely had time to breathe at the 'big' wedding.

True.

@Bubem855 - a wedding is an opportunity to celebrate the joining of you and your husband to be with the people you love and who mean something to you.

It is sad.
I lost my Mum last year quite young, it has broken me. You wouldn’t know it from the outside as I’m good at “carrying on”.
We’ve decided we’ll elope with our children when we get married as I couldn’t bear to get married without my Mum there.
I hope you have a wonderful wedding, however it looks 💛

It’s the marriage that’s important, not the wedding.

I like you have a very small family, my OH has a large family but whilst we talk when we see each other, we have little to do with each other. We live rurally weddings here are about show and no substance. Whilst I’d love a big wedding I also don’t want to pay for people who can’t be bothered most of the time. The day is about the two of you, spend the extra money on that slightly nicer dress or nicer venue, anything to make your wedding extra special x

I think it's completely understandable to feel sad about your family situation and weddings bring it into focus. I felt similar attending my friends' big weddings because I lost my mum and several other family members I was close to in my twenties so I always knew if I got married there wouldn't be much of a wedding. In the end, my DH and I just had a practical registry office ceremony when our DC was a toddler and then had two celebrations later with our friends in different parts of the world, and it was lovely in its own way. I've always been sad though that my family weren't around anymore to celebrate with me.

One of the loveliest weddings I’ve been to was an abroad wedding where there was the B&G immediate family and a few close friends it was absolutely beautiful.

I think it's completely understandable to feel sad about your family situation and weddings bring it into focus

This. I'm sorry your family feels so small. I know the feeling.
I hope your wedding day makes you happy, whatever it ends up looking like x

I've been to 3 weddings where guests were immediate family and a handful of friends and all were absolutely beautiful, all were abroad.

I had the big wedding, hated every minute of it. My ex wanted the big fancy wedding (he was a show off, it wasn't his money he was spending either), I would have been happy with the registry office and pub.

Understand that you feel sad. But a big family doesn't mean happiness.

Why would you not want to invite friends to the wedding? Friends were some of the most important guests at our wedding. And if I got married again that would still be the case.

We had about 50 people, so not huge. But looking back sometimes I wish we had done something smaller! Some of the guests we invited because we felt we "should" - mainly family on DHs side who to date we haven't seen since (except for at a funeral).

Invite the people you love and enjoy your wedding surrounded by people who are important to you. However many that may be.

My late DH and I had a small wedding, by choice. It was lovely - we just wanted to be wed, and didn’t feel the need to have a showy day. 👍

I don’t understand - you could invite friends and extended family but you only want your mum there but you’re sad you will only have your mum there?
I think you should just invite more people - especially friends

Ours is going to be just 20 guests, with only two family members not including the two bridesmaids who are each of our daughters, the rest are friends.

I had a big wedding and had a great time buy trust me, I wish it’d been smaller - just immediate family, at most. It cost a fortune and the money could’ve been more constructively spent on other things. We had a photographer but aside from the 2-3 we’ve framed and put up, I haven’t looked at the others in the decade since. It was mainly nice to see friends who I don’t see as often as I’d like.

I only had my children at my wedding so it was truly tiny, 6 of us including me and DH and it honestly was the best decision ever. It was relaxing and fun with zero stress. When we told people about our tiny wedding those who had big weddings said they wished they had done smaller ones as big weddings are a lot of work

I had the opposite problem OP. I have a massive family and really didnt want an enormous showy wedding where I would be the centre of attention. We tried cutting guest list to 'just close family (ie parents, siblings, grandparents) and friends' but because my DH has a totally normal size family, it skewed the guest list about 80/20 my way. I floated the idea of eloping with my mum and it did not go down well! We ended up with the 100+ guest list I never wanted. Though I have had several people say it was one of the most magical weddings they have ever been to, my memories are of feeling like an anxious, overwhelmed zoo exhibit. My marriage is a 1000 times better than my wedding to me. Please just focus on your (I assume) lovely DH and your little one. They are the only people you need. Think about what makes your little family precious to you and prioritise that in your special day.

I think a small wedding can be just as lovely as a big wedding - it's more intimate and you actually get to spend time with and chat to all your guests! I would invite your aunties and uncles and cousins even if you don't see them often - weddings are a joyful occasion and a good chance to catch up. And why not invite your friends? They would probably love the opportunity to celebrate with you.

Yes, me too. I don’t quite follow what the problem is. If you want loads of people there then invite the extended family and more friends.

I suggest that you have a think about what it really is that’s upsetting you.

Many people aren’t close to their extended family. Many people feel under pressure to invite people they don’t really want to attend.

Please don’t be sad. Try to reframe it in your head if you can (easier said than done I know).

The wedding isn’t the big deal here. It is just a few hours out of your life. There is way too much focus on The Wedding. We are all conditioned (particularly women) to dream of the beautiful church, dress and crowds of happy beautiful people all celebrating. It is NOT IMPORTANT.

Try to focus on the meaning of the marriage; you are formally starting a new family, with the man you love and your beautiful child. The day doesn’t matter, except to the two of you.

DH and I were railroaded into a big, traditional wedding - too young to really stand up for ourselves. We are both quiet, private people and we both found the big day excruciating; way too much attention on us for hours, we kept sneaking off to hide together just to get a break. I regret not doing what we wanted, which would have been just a small intimate wedding for the smallest number of people possible (family only), and then having a casual party in a pub months later for a few hours to celebrate with friends.

Agree with the other posters; small is magical, intimate and personal which is what weddings should be.

If there is no fall out, why are you not including your brother? My autistic brother was invited, yes he sometimes says the wrong thing, and yes we're not close, but I still wanted him there. He is very much part of my family.