To be a bit heartbroken about having a small wedding?

[Bubem855]

Bit of back story, been with my partner 9 years, engaged for 2.5 years and have an 18 month old.

I don’t have a big family, I’m very close with my mum but don’t have a great relationship with my dad (we just make small talk really after being no contact for about 10 years) and don’t really speak to my brother (for no particular reason but he is austistic and we don’t have much in common). I don’t have any grandparents, have a few aunties and uncles and cousin but again I don’t really have contact with them personally.

me and my partner have discussed how/where we would like to get married as he also wouldn’t choose to invite many people (probably about 8 people on his side). To be honest, I would only really want my mum there however at a push could invite my auntie too.

AIBU to be really upset about having a small wedding? It’s not even the fact of the wedding being small I’m upset because I don’t really have any family to invite? I have some friends however we would really just want to invite family to the wedding. I really hope someone gets this.

Unless you’re NC, it’s weird to not invite your dad and brother. And what about friends? The only family I had I my wedding was my mum. I don’t have any other living family. My dad died when I was a teenager. I am NC with my half brother and don’t even know where he lives. Don’t have any other family. That’s fine. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Dh and I still invited lots of friends and Dh has a big family. We had 60 people, which is bigger than a small wedding, but honestly, I would have been happy with less too. It’s still a lovely day and nice to celebrate your marriage, no matter who is there.

I am also puzzled as to why you wouldn't invite your brother (at the very least) but also your Aunts and Uncles and cousins if you don't want a small wedding.

I mean, small weddings can be lovely.
When I saw the title to your thread, I assumed you wanted a bigger wedding but couldn't afford it, or justify spending the £££ that would cost, and was going to say YANBU. But, reading the OP, you are actually saying you have very few people you are close to. That being the case, then I think YABU to be "heartbroken" about the fact the wedding won't be bigger.

Many (most?) people want to share their wedding day with the people close to them. For plenty of people that will include family and extended family and then most people will also invite friends. Friends being the people you choose to spend parts of your lives with. If you choose to not see people you are related to very often, and choose not to develop friendships, then I am puzzled why you would be 'heartbroken' to then not have people to invite you your wedding.

A Wedding is a Marriage Contract between two people with witnesses. Anything more is up to the couple. Have what you both want, can afford and be happy. That is all that really matters.

My sister had a tiny wedding. Parents and close friends only. It was lovely. Like a PP, ibe never understood inviting people you don’t actually know in the form of a +1.

To many people the marriage is more important than the ceremony.

I invited everyone to the ceremony and had a huge party in the evening for anyone who wanted to wish us well. We had close family and friends for the formal meal and only twenty guests of family and a few friends. It saved us money and it meant we could invite lots of friends who wanted to see us get married and then attend a party where you could bring your own drink in the evening.

You could have a small meal with family (and a small ceremony if you need it) then invite people for a party.

And don't feel bad if you don't have a load of people to invite. Quality of friends is more important than quantity.

And do invite your brother. Sometimes people with ASD get missed out of things because people think they don't care or wouldn't enjoy it. Your brother may not wish to come but it will mean a lot to him to be invited. Perhaps he could just attend the ceremony.

I think Yabu to restrict artificially to family when you have friends

friends choose you, family is foisted upon you

We had a smallish wedding as most of my DH’s family had already passed away. We had about 40 people in total including friends and about 10 of my family. It was really lovely. I’m glad we went small.

Why say you really only want family if you then list how you aren’t at all close with any family other than your mum? Why put that illogical restriction on yourself? Invite your friends!

Your friends are extra family and think having a small wedding can spend more on Honeymoon

YANBU, but we had a wedding of 16 people and it was lovely; a really special day. But don’t go small if you’ll regret it - invite your friends.

We got married nearly 26 years ago.
Our preferred choice was an exotic destination with just the 2 of us or possibly my step-son (first marriage for me, second for DH). My mother would have been up for the exotic destination, but it certainly would not have been a massive destination wedding!
The moment my father got wind of this he moved heaven and earth to enable a church wedding - tricky due to divorce - as he wanted to walk me down the aisle. This was the most sentimental he had ever been and difficult to reconcile as he had performed the same for his cousin and my younger sister, so it wasn't going to be a first for him.
However, it was clearly VERY important for him (not that he was paying as I was 41 at the time), so I project managed a wedding in Scotland from Europe in 7.5 weeks. Luckily I am an excellent PM! We came in on time and under budget!!!
Full works, excellent music and food, both of which I chose, 3 bridesmaids with bespoke dresses (I delegated this to my matron of honour), etc. etc. In total there were 32 at the wedding.
I, therefore, did not get a honeymoon. Still, if it made my father happy?
If I were ever to do it again, both parents now dead, it would be a quick trip to the register office and maybe a delicious lunch, but with a party of 6 maximum.