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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit heartbroken about having a small wedding?

62 replies

Bubem855 · 08/03/2026 03:25

Bit of back story, been with my partner 9 years, engaged for 2.5 years and have an 18 month old.

I don’t have a big family, I’m very close with my mum but don’t have a great relationship with my dad (we just make small talk really after being no contact for about 10 years) and don’t really speak to my brother (for no particular reason but he is austistic and we don’t have much in common). I don’t have any grandparents, have a few aunties and uncles and cousin but again I don’t really have contact with them personally.

me and my partner have discussed how/where we would like to get married as he also wouldn’t choose to invite many people (probably about 8 people on his side). To be honest, I would only really want my mum there however at a push could invite my auntie too.

AIBU to be really upset about having a small wedding? It’s not even the fact of the wedding being small I’m upset because I don’t really have any family to invite? I have some friends however we would really just want to invite family to the wedding. I really hope someone gets this.

OP posts:
Theonethatlurks · 08/03/2026 08:24

My fiancé and I are choosing to have a tiny wedding- well, not a wedding really. Just a ceremony and small celebration at home for just about 10 people. The fuss of a big wedding is not for us. We are getting married in two weeks and I wouldn’t change a thing. We also have small children and our priorities are just different now- keeping the routine going and minimising stress. You can still make it the best day of your life!

DisforDarkChocolate · 08/03/2026 08:26

But you do have family, apart from your Dad you could have more contact if you wanted too

Westfacing · 08/03/2026 08:27

I have some friends however we would really just want to invite family to the wedding.

I voted you are being unreasonable!

You can't be really upset that you're having only a small wedding when it's of your own doing. If you have a small family, and not much in contact with them anyway apart from your Mum, and you don't want to invite friends, the wedding group will be small. You can't magic-up a big family!

GladHedgehog · 08/03/2026 08:35

Well you do have family, it's just that you dont bother with each other irl. It does seem a bit weird that you are getting upset about them not coming to your wedding when you a) haven't invited them and b) dont really want them there anyway.

Is this really about your wedding, or are you just wishing things were different with your family?

Soreenmaltloaf23 · 08/03/2026 08:36

Why aren't you inviting friends? Surely they are happy for you and would love to be involved? My friends are the people I'd invite first in your situation.

Dancingsquirrels · 08/03/2026 08:42

Unclear whether your regret is truly about (a) having a small family or (b) having a small wedding

If (a), you could try to gradually reconnect with aunts and uncles and cousins to increase the size of your family. This takes effort and commitment but can be done

if (b), invite more friends

PersephoneParlormaid · 08/03/2026 08:46

I had a big wedding and invited people I didn’t want to, because I’d been to their weddings, or because they were related. It was too big and I spent the whole day going around speaking to relatives. I never even got one bite from the evening buffet. It was money better spent elsewhere.
If I had my time again I’d have a small wedding, very casual.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 09/03/2026 19:24

Quality over quantity OP. Make it the best you can and have a fantastic time.

Catherineeee · 09/03/2026 19:27

I've been married twice. The first at 22 where I had a big wedding and it cost a lot of money, my second at 29 where we had eight guests and eloped to Gretna Green. The latter was the most wonderful I could have ever, ever asked for and I loved it so so much. I know you're a bit sad but really it's only about you and your SO and I think that's what you need to keep in mind. I would also fully recommend Gretna Green!

Advocodo · 09/03/2026 19:35

Your post is confusing and contradictory!

EmbroideredGardener · 09/03/2026 20:14

I put YANBU because it isnt the day you want. I had a comparatively big wedding and I wish I'd had a smaller more intimate one. We had people there I wasn't bothered by but my parents insisted we invite them, and many of them I haven't seen since. It's one of the only things Id change about our day, but it would make a massive difference.

Make sure you invite people that are important to you, and if you do want to build bridges then a wedding is the perfect time to do that!

TheIceBear · 09/03/2026 20:36

YABU small weddings are the best . I hate huge wedding so impersonal and boring , being forced to make small talk with people you barely know etc. small weddings are much nicer in my opinion.

SouthernNights59 · 09/03/2026 20:37

We had a small wedding - around 20 guests - and it was lovely. Several guests commented on how nice and friendly it was, and there was zero stress involved in the planning. I wouldn't have changed a thing.

SwimmingFree · 09/03/2026 20:46

I had a small wedding and it was wonderful, so romantic and beautiful. Married 20 years and don’t regret it at all. So pleased I didn’t spend a fortune and weddings are important but the marriage is so much more important.

i did vote YANBU though, as you are definitely not being unreasonable about being sad if it’s because you feel you don’t have people to invite. This is something you can work on though, there’s lots of friends out there you’ve not met yet.

Rafting2022 · 09/03/2026 20:58

ThePerfectWeekender · 08/03/2026 03:57

DS had two weddings. One had just myself and DIL's DM present (a very quick legal ceremony). It was held in a registry office in a city often voted the most beautiful. Afterwards we took photos and walked to a restaurant with a private dining room and had a celebratory meal with dads, the best-man and matron of honour.
The applause, cheers, horns being blasted and the wellwishes of strangers was totally unexpected, but lovely. It was a wonderful day.
A fortnight later they had a huge affair costing six figures. Whilst it was spectacular, the private day with just the eight of us was my favourite. It was far more personal and we spent the day with DS and DIL. They barely had time to breathe at the 'big' wedding.

£100,000+ on a wedding? Unless they’re multi-millionaires that’s absolute madness.

venus7 · 09/03/2026 21:36

Invite friends, but keep it small and easy.

SkinnyLatteExtraHotPlease · 09/03/2026 22:43

"Blood is definitely not always thicker than water"

Small & intimate = perfect

Congratulations 🎊

Mere1 · 09/03/2026 23:30

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 08/03/2026 03:38

@Bubem855 We had a tiny wedding with just 18 guests and it was the most romantic and magical day ever. Just close family and friends. For us it was partially to do with budget, but also because we didn't want ro invite people we weren't close to.
Each to their own, but I will never understand why so many people choose to fork out a lot of money for literal strangers to come to their wedding (in the form of a plus one!) I just find that really bizarre.
We did away with all of the who sits where nonsense and had one big table at the wedding breakfast - it was absolutely lovely.
The whole day was so relaxed and joyful.
We invited a few more less-close friends to the evening reception but still kept the intimacy of the whole day.
Zero regrets.

We had 11 guests at our wedding 50 years ago. I have no regrets. The people we loved were there. Everyone was relaxed. It was a fabulous celebration.

focused1 · 10/03/2026 08:08

We were buying a house and we could have invited a crowd or just our small close family so we had a small registry office gathering , a pun meal then a few friends round at our new place for snacks / drinks . We have been married 40 years .Many large weddings you are paying for people you rarely see again. I didn’t want my parents to pay either although I feel because of this they suggested white goods for our new home . Practical and kind.

Tonissister · 10/03/2026 08:16

I get it. But you could invite your bro and dad too. It's a rite of passage, even if you are not that close to them. Or just create a wonderful atmosphere with your close friends.

A small wedding is SO much less stress and cost. I feel sick at the thought of how much a young family member spent on their wedding a couple of years ago, letting all the relatives get sloshed on their hard earned money. They could have put those thousands towards a bigger house. They need one now they have kids.

Pick a pretty venue, gorgeous dress, flowers, music, food and enjoy the day. You'll be so glad not to have wasted thousands on a massive do where you barely get to see anyone.

Zanatdy · 10/03/2026 08:19

what about friends? Or is just family?

FacingtheSun · 10/03/2026 08:23

It makes no sense that you won’t invite friends, only family, when you don’t seem to have much of a relationship with any of your family except your mother.

DH and I are close to family, and both have enormous families, and still chose to get married with two witnesses.

HortiGal · 10/03/2026 08:57

Seems odd for to be bothered by this when you say you won’t invite friends, there’s no rule it has to be family only, invite as many as you want

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 10/03/2026 18:09

I voted YABU, purely because you have a person in your life who loves you so much that they want to marry you and make you their wife.

Weddings are to declare your undying love for one another.

I'm sorry you are upset about the size of your family but I do think you should be inviting your brother at least. That's discrimination. At least invite him to be an usher and give him the opportunity to say yes or no.

I'd love a small intimate joining.
Shame my DP of 16 years (soon to be ex for other reasons) wasn't onboard despite me telling him what getting married means to me.

MrsHaroldWilson · 10/03/2026 18:16

I had a small wedding (20 people including us) and I don't regret it. I had a lovely day, it didn't cost much and minimal planning was needed so it was stress-free.

I can understand the desire for a big wedding - it must be nice to be the centre of so much attention - but ultimately, it's only ever going to last one day, the bigger it is, the more chance of something going wrong, and big weddings cost an awful lot of money which could be used on things that would last more than one day!

I'm still married 20 years later which is ultimately the most important thing!