To raise washing with ex?

[Smellysusan]

When DC is in my care, they are washed/bathed every day. They genuinely get smelly without (7 year old) around their bum area.

Ex never washes DC, even when they’re there for five days at a time.

I know we both have PR but AIBU to raise this? Am I being OTT?

Can you send a towel/ shower gel/ bath toy / robe whatever, with DC and suggest DC ask Dad what day they should get a shower?

I don't think usually a 7 year old needs washed every day, but maybe your DC needs to talk through how to wipe well after toilet.

Child doesn't smell. You can flannel wash daily if needed. A 1 yr old is likely to need washing more because of food spillages and nappy explosions

But an older child may depending on the child can go longer.
The daily showers is relatively new situation for humans

This is what I’ve always done…they just start to smell a bit warm and biscuity. They smell like school too.

Each to their own, I’m not saying I think ex should shower DS every day but I think he needs to wash him at some point in the five days.

And lots of kids absolutely reeked!

And lots of kids were visibly grimy/ dirty back in the day. Gross

At 7 my kids were in the habit of showering every morning. I don’t think it needed to be daily but it was easier than coming up with a more complicated plan.

How receptive is ex likely to be to a discussion?

Not at all, very HC hence the CAO.

I’m not really sure what to do if doesn’t take it on board. It’s not SS level, it will be a case of putting the responsibility onto DS which feels wrong but better than nothing.

You are not being OTT.

My children shower / bath daily and if not, definitely every other day.

I’m surprised at some of the replies here where people are saying a wash once a week is enough?! This from the site where people turn their noses up if you don’t wash your towels after every use and your bedding once a week!

It’s not the son’s responsibility to tell his dad that he needs a shower! The dad to needs to step up and parent.

You’re not in the wrong OP.

Can you send son with a pack of baby wipes and teach
him to wipe his bottom before bed/in the morning? Do you use moist toilet tissue so he can really clean himself?

I do agree a 7 year old should be able to shower themselves and take some responsibility for being clean. If they are asking you to check their bum then they are obviously aware of cleanliness.

If dad won’t run a bath or shower for him then he needs to have other options.

Isn’t it interesting how some men are like this, don’t wash their kids or facilitate them washing themselves, yet they themselves are always perfectly washed and styled. Name brand clothes and perfectly coifed hair, clean teeth. Always in a designer winter coat when freezing, kids stood shivering in a t-shirt.

Shocking how often I come across it working with kids.

My ex is one of these, to the point the headteacher is emailing me multiple times a term about it. We have to keep a hygiene grab bag, spare change of uniform and breakfast items at their school. Because he sends them in so filthy.

Send him a message but I’d prepare for him to ignore it.

Could you ask the school to talk to ex. Surely they will notice if DC is unclean at school. My DD pongs if she hadn't had a shower after PE.

@Smellysusan id be buying toilet wipes instead of toilet roll for your son . Also handing dad a pack . Plus mentioning that son needs showered every second day while away . Also can he supervise teeth brushing especially at night .

Does your ex shower daily /regular ?

@Imbusytodaysorry
ex is actually really clean, or was when we were together.

I am yet to have a response from him anyway. I feel it will be ignored.

Sounds like lazy parenting then .

If his bum still smells after he’s wiped it then no, he isn’t wiping properly.

If a child isn't capable of keeping themselves clean, for whatever reason, then the adult who is caring for them HAS to do it. I would be reading your ex the riot act about his neglect of DS. What a bloody knobhead. Does he wash?

Eh, no! This is not normal (or shouldn't be!). Please raise it with ex - it is neglectful of him, unhygienic for them, and schools them in to a lifetime of bad habits.

Yes, but this is 2026, not 1826. What was the norm in your day is not the norm today. In this day and age, kids should be having a bath or shower everyday.

Was gonna say YANBU, then I remembered when I was a kid, we had a bath once a week.

At 7 a child should be washing themselves and able to use a shower (shown of its a new one). I’d do as pp say and show the child how to wash with a soapy flannel.

My nephew who’s 7 has a bath every night but doesn’t sometimes actually wash with soap, if I’m there I soap his arms, legs and back for him, I think his parents check he’s washing though. He seems clean and non smelly.

We had a bath once a week but a stand up wash or shower every day.

I probably just smelled a bit ripe 😂

Nope. A bath/shower every day is not healthy for their skin or their hair.

2-3 times a week is more than enough.

What does "in this day and age" mean? In the age when nobody actually plays out any more and everything is sanitised? 😂

I am being flippant of course but I think general life is cleaner nowadays, which would lead to lower necessity of daily baths, wouldn't it?

I disagree with this, we were specifically told not to bath our child daily.

However I'm with you in that I don't think 1 weekly bath (with no other washing) would be deemed adequate care in 2026. The range of "good enough" has changed. But not so far as to make daily showers an essential.