To think there will never truly be a sisterhood because too many women are still competing for male attention?

[WaryLilacOtter]

I keep hearing about “the sisterhood” and how we’re all meant to uplift each other but I don’t really see it in action. The reality (at least in my experience) is that a lot of women are still operating from a place of scarcity, whether it’s about beauty, desirability or male validation.
It plays out in subtle ways too: side-eyes, comparisons, lack of support, even tearing each other down.

AIBU to think this competitive dynamic, especially when it comes to the male gaze, is what’s holding us back from truly building solidarity?

Anyone using the terms sisterhood or be kind us usually practicing and doing the opposite in my experience.

I think that implies women are one single unit who have to always agree with each other and support everything other women do, which is just not realistic.

I think they're competing for female attention too. All the competition, best behaved/cleverest/best at sports children. Best car, Best house, Best holidays. Compulsory status symbol dog.

Nothing to do with men in my view.

You seem to have a lot of interalised misogyny, OP.

Women are human, just as men are. We are not an amorphous "sisterhood" mass.

Yes, in my experience women can be really vicious - to other women. Sisterhood? Don't think so. It's like the 'be kind' brigade can be really vile.

Women are humans and compete for resources and status in different ways to men. But still humans.

I find this a bit ironic actually. You are calling for sisterhood while perpetuating harmful stereotypes of women being in competition with each other and desperate for male attention. If you want to see more sisterhood perhaps be the change you want to see?

Younger women will always to some degree compete for the attention of the men they want to mate with/marry. That’s hard-wired biology. The most principled are able to rationally decouple their actions from their biology and put the needs of women first, most wont.

Once you get past childbearing it becomes much clearer. Any woman who has raised children, has worked for any length of time and particularly any who have done both will rapidly learn how the odds are stacked against us and realise we need to stick together. The scales fall from our eyes.

A younger woman who eschews feminism is just young and yet to learn. An older one who eschews feminism is either an idiot or weak.

Yes. Obviously. We are ultimately human beings and a certain nature appears to go along with that. No matter how we rail against it.

I see what you mean but I wasn’t trying to stereotype women so much as point out a dynamic that I think still exists in some spaces. My point was that the idea of “sisterhood” is often talked about aspirationally, but in practice there can still be competition and insecurity that gets in the way of it. I’d actually like to see more solidarity between women, that’s why I raised the question.

I don’t agree. I think women as a whole are much nicer and more supportive of each other than men are.

Also, what on earth is the "sisterhood"? The one at each others throats about if this includes men or not?

Agreed. I'm not interested in uncritical solidarity with all women regardless of their human qualities.

I’m inclined to ask why there should be a sisterhood.

Women are not some homogenous mass, who all act and think the same.

There are women who I would “uplift” and there are women who I wouldn’t. I’m not going to “uplift” someone just because I share their sex.

Yes this. When female celebrities turn up half naked on the red carpet it’s as much to show off to other women as for male attention.

Then I would suggest you are holding women to unrealistic standards. Human beings, including women, aren't perfect. There will always be humans who behave poorly. In general i disagree that women behave they way you suggest en masse.

Can you give some concrete examples of women competing for male attention? Tbh it’s not something I really see in my day to day life. And what would ‘sisterhood’ look like in your eyes?

It makes no sense to me that anyone would like/support/trust someone just because they're the same sex as themselves.

There cant sisterhood because women dont or never will think the same and is women's only worth when they are connected to men?

I was thinking more of subtle things rather than obvious behaviour - for example things like comparing appearances, putting another woman down in front of men, distancing yourself from another woman because you see her as “competition” or undermining someone socially when male attention is involved. I’m not saying it happens everywhere or all the time but I do think those dynamics still exist in some spaces. By “sisterhood” I mean something closer to women supporting each other, not viewing each other as rivals and not centering male approval in how we treat each other.

These is not and never has been any sisterhood.

I think there will always be women who say things like "women are worse than men" or "I prefer to have male friends". In my experience they usually switch around 35 when they start losing their looks and the male attention becomes focused on younger women and they realise these men weren't actually friends but hoping for more. They've usually been cheated on by their "best friend for lifey" by then too and have a slightly more worldly view on what makes men tick.

Until that point there is no telling these women that women should stick together. Socialised and internalised misogyny is still rife but the internet has enabled women around the world to see that it is never something they could have done to stop him cheating, men globally are low empathy, high immediate reward individuals.

I agree. So many women are obsessed with designer labels & social status. Competitive materialism & consumerism is definitely more of a female than a male characteristic. Apart from sport & cars, obv.

I don’t think sisterhood would mean women all thinking the same. People can disagree and still treat each other with respect and solidarity.

And no, I don’t think women’s worth is connected to men. My point was actually the opposite - that when male validation becomes the focus in some situations, it can create unnecessary competition between women.

This. The 'be kind' brigade are also hopelessly naive when it comes to looking out for women. My particular bugbear today is 'International Womens day is for everyone' ads I've seen. No love, INCLUSIVITY Day is for everyone. THIS is International WOMEN'S Day. The clue is in the title. There. Thats my tuppence worth of 'sisterhood'. Twats.