To think this woman needs to grow up?

[EwwPeople]

DD had a girlfriend last year. It was a bit too intense and not entirely healthy, so after asking me for support, we both agreed it was too much and she broke up with the girl. There obviously was upset and heartbreak on both sides, but it was done in a nice way . They are not friends anymore, but they are civil to each other (share a bus and one class).

Last night , we went to an event at the school. We bumped into the girl and the parents. I smiled and nodded (not effusively, but just as acknowledgement/politeness ) , the dad did similar but the mum huffed and rolled her eyes at me.

I know in the grand scheme of things it’s a complete non event , and I wasn’t crying in my cornflakes this morning about it, but it did bother me. Mainly because I teach (and model ) to DD that we do get over things and maintain a certain degree of civility, even when a fall out happens (as long as it isn’t anything too terrible).

Just musing on this while I’m avoiding housework.

I think she’s probably just showing solidarity for her daughter. She maybe got a different story from her who knows. Childish yes, but not too bad.

I agree with PP. Maybe a little childish but every parent only gets their child’s version, so your view that the breakup was done nicely and that they’re civil may not be the view she has. Not that I’m saying your DD is lying, just that two people can describe the same thing quite differently, and neither are actively lying.

Her version and yours will be very different.

In her version, her daughter's girlfriend's mother stuck her oar into their relationship and split them up, breaking her daughter's heart. To her, you're the busybody who made her child unhappy.

I've had parents blank me after my kids break ups, I just think that's life, if that's how they choose to behave, that's up to them 🤷‍♀️ her daughter might have been much more upset than yours and that's hard to see as a parent.

Well, is DD 12 or 17, for a start? And yes to what @HeadyLamarr said.

I honestly just don’t think there’s any need to acknowledge the parents of your young teen’s ex! How bizarre.

How old is your son?

Well, other people feel differently to you. I wouldn't be especially civil to you in those circumstances, and it doesn't sound like she was particularly awful.

Yeah she'll have been given hours worth of sobbers about being heartbroken and what a terrible person your daughter is. Probably.

As you say they will get over it. Mum included. I mean she might just be a bit of a cow the mum so in a way it's good they're not together anymore so you won't really have to see her.

What’s her son got to do with it?

Why are people saying son? OP clearly says DD.

Anyway OP I echo those saying don't overthink this. You've no idea what the other side of the story is and it was just an eyeroll, at most, hardly a big deal. People are allowed have their own feelings and don't have to share yours.

Why are you getting yourself so involved in your DD's relationships?

Her daughter or her wouldn’t know I was involved. DD came to me crying, showed me the messages , asked me what to do . I gave her my opinion and then she asked me to help her word things in a sensitive way to minimise fall out. The whole thing took about a week , because I wanted DD to reach that conclusion herself . I wasn’t meddling.

But I do take your (and other posters’) point of another perspective on that side as to why the relationship ended.

The thing is though, we both had crying, hurt, distraught daughters.

We were quite friendly, as the girls had been friends before getting together, so we’ve had coffee once or twice, went to an event or two, chatted at drop/off pick ups for parties, sleepovers etc. , exchanged lifts/childcare.

This is a really bizarre thread and I think highlights how bigoted and cold mumsnet csn be.

@Doseofreality and @TheFilliesWillRiseAgain Did you both post about a son, when it is very clear this was her daughter, as some sort of backhanded insult about lesbian teens? Just blatant homophobia.

And @faerylights um… what? It’s totally normal to talk to your teens about their relationships, especially when they actually come to you for advice and show you what they’re going through. Did you never have that sort of rapport with your own mum or your kids? How sad for you. It’s actually really sad to think of a teen coming to you for advice, showing you messages because they need help to manage it and you saying “well, I’m not getting involved in your relationship so work it out yourself.”

Mumsnet is on another planet, honestly.

Yes you both had upset crying daughters but she had the extra sting of being dumped and told that it was because she was being too intense. He daughter may have been much more upset than yours and for longer. I'm not saying the mother's behaviour is right, just that it's understandable. I think we're all capable of being irrationally angry when our children are hurt!

Fair enough actually.

Because she talks to me and more importantly she asked for help?

@Trusttheawesomeness Actually, I regularly went to my mum for advice but she still didn't feel it was her place to help me break up with my boyfriends and help me "word messages" to them. That's so beyond inappropriate to me.

@EwwPeople but that doesn't mean it's appropriate for you to help her word messages to her teen girlfriend. You can give advice without basically ending the relationship on your DD's behalf 😐

Exactly.

I imagine if your DD was on the receiving end of the text message like the one you helped send, you'd be pretty angry on her behalf as well.

I think it's good that your daughter felt comfortable enough, to come to you for advice and support. You helped your daughter navigate a difficult situation, in a kind way.

I suspect that the version of events your daughter's girlfriend, gave her parents was rather different to your daughter's. She may have exaggerated events or viewed them completely different. Yes, both girls were upset, but your daughter's ex, is the one who has been dumped. That stings. The Mother is sticking by her daughter, which is what anyone would expect. I do think her behaviour is a little childish. Our children are going to have relationship break-ups, it's part and parcel of life.

This.

I just couldn't get exercised about someone rolling their eyes in passing.

Put it out of your mind OP, there's absolutely no point in dwelling on it like this.

I would imagine if the other mother could see that you've made her passing eye-roll the subject of an internet thread, she too would ask if you need to grow up.

You might model that but you dont control other people, she must realise people dont all act the way othet people decide they should