To think this woman needs to grow up?

[EwwPeople]

DD had a girlfriend last year. It was a bit too intense and not entirely healthy, so after asking me for support, we both agreed it was too much and she broke up with the girl. There obviously was upset and heartbreak on both sides, but it was done in a nice way . They are not friends anymore, but they are civil to each other (share a bus and one class).

Last night , we went to an event at the school. We bumped into the girl and the parents. I smiled and nodded (not effusively, but just as acknowledgement/politeness ) , the dad did similar but the mum huffed and rolled her eyes at me.

I know in the grand scheme of things it’s a complete non event , and I wasn’t crying in my cornflakes this morning about it, but it did bother me. Mainly because I teach (and model ) to DD that we do get over things and maintain a certain degree of civility, even when a fall out happens (as long as it isn’t anything too terrible).

Just musing on this while I’m avoiding housework.

Fair point.

She literally asked “what should I say?”. So i talked to her about what and how she’s feeling and what does she want to say. Then helped her word it. You might feel that was inappropriate, and that’s your right, but I don’t think we’ll agree on this.

Is that how you respond to every thread in here with an OP asking how to handle a situation, how to word a message, what to say to someone? You’d just tell them it’s not our place to help them word something.

When someone tells you how they’re feeling and asks for help to make it more coherent to send to someone, you’re not “breaking up with their partner for them.” What a weird way to look at it.

You can call it inappropriate but I don’t think many people will agree with you there, given this site is full of thousands of people helping others with how to word stuff.

I don't post because I want people to agree with me, I post to give my opinion.

People are free to disagree with me as much as they like, it's no skin off my nose.

This. I hope some posters here don’t actually have kids this age.

Did you actually read the post! Its 2 girls

Did she break up with her over text, is that what you mean about helping her word it? If so, I can understand a lot of upset from the other child. And irritation from the mother a) about the text break up, and b) if the wording sounded more grown up and she or her child felt it may have been written with your input

Daughter

It would make me wonder what she’s been told. She definitely needs to grow up 🙄

I’ve had my teens really upset due to being dumped. It’s not a pleasant thing to go through and the first time it happens to you you are devastated.

I wouldn’t be falling over myself to be civil to the parents in that situation.

it is quite likely that your child has told others that they discussed things with you and you helped word things and if so this will definitely have been seen as too much.

You can’t dictate how they should respond. They may feel entirely different about this than you do. Let them have their feelings.

She sounds rude. You maintained your dignity and the moral high ground. No wonder her DD is as she is if this is how her DM behaves. Apple, tree…

The mom is pathetic but lots of moms are.

I recall falling out with my best friend at school (I cannot remember why.)

But her mom saw my mom in public and blanked her.

These are the immature people raising trash adults! Unless the other person was abusive to their child, getting involved in a kid’s dispute is childishz

I agree with the being angry bit. I’m still annoyed with the girl who put DD’s shoe down the toilet at primary in 1999. 😂

Yowza some of these posts!

Of course you help your dc navigate relationships and breakups. I helped my 24 ds and my 27 dd navigate breakups in the past 13months. Who else do dc go to for advice? Only their friends??

op I do think it’s worth repeating….thats what dating is….its meeting and finding out about a person and it isn’t always for forever. No real reasons needed to end “dating”

as for the mum… rolled her eyes? Kinda childish and possibly uncomfortable. Just model maintaining grace and confidence be pleasant but removed. They really are children and will have other breakups in the future.

I can’t for the life of me understand why you are bothered by this, OP. Surely the other mum giving you a bit of evil eye is understandable. Your daughter dealt with this break up the in the nicest way possible but let’s face it it’s never nice to feel rejected. It’s understandable that the other mum was feeling protective of her daughter and she expressed it in the only way she could. Oh well. Life moves on and in a couple of year’s time none of you will remember any of this. Surely you can give her a bit of grace while she is dealing with a sad and hurt daughter. It’s all normal human stuff.

Yes it was over text, as that how the girl expressed her displeasure with DD. Everything would be fine at school then get a barrage of texts of all her “failings “. Won’t go into the background too much , as I don’t want to get accused of drip feeding, but it was too intense and not healthy . She didn’t say that in the texts obviously, just something along the lines of “neither of us are happy at the moment, so it’s probably best if we break up.”

You did what was right for your daughter when she came to you for help and advice.

Her daughter has obviously gone to her and she is doing what she feels is right by not being friendly.

Totally normal on both parts. I wouldn't give it a passing thought.

I just had an epiphany while reading this post (and doing the dishes). I realised I’m probably bothered because despite being the one to suggest breaking up, DD WAS the “injured “ party , and maybe I am still a tad angry about it. I need to get over it too.

Well, that explains the sniff. Dumping by text is Not Ok.

It's top 3 in the list of "asshole behaviours" DD and her friends compiled in highschool. Dump one of them by text and the rest blackballed th guy concerned.

Ditto cheating and asking out a friend after splitting up.

She wasn't the injured party though, no matter how justified you thought she was. Your daughter was the dumper, and she did it by text. So of course the other girl's mother thought she treated her daughter badly.

Presumably DD and her friends would also raise any complaints face to face? Not send message after message of everything the boy is doing wrong and how unhappy and miserable they are because of it and then act all normal in person?

I’m not being a dick, I just honestly don’t understand why , if it’s ok to raise issues by text it’s not also reasonable to say “this is obviously not working out, we’re both unhappy , maybe it’s better to break up”?

However , I will keep your post in mind if /when these issues come up again.

The gf was pressuring her to dump her friends for her(emotional blackmail, weird shit and mentioning breaking up herself , intertwined with how much she loves her). Trust me she was . The whole thing was a mess tbh, and I’m also annoyed at myself for letting it go on for too long. That’s definitely on me andI totally take responsibility for that.

I think it's because it's pretty final rather than the ongoing conversation/complaints that dumping is seen as Not Ok by text.

But I don't really know, I'm not a teenager. They have complicated rules we never had at their age. I just nod and smile and hand out snacks as needed.

I think you're right, you are more hurt on her behalf than you realised. While the other mum thinks her daughter was the victim, in your perspective it's your daughter who suffered and was put through the wringer.

Both are true. So no, other mother doesn't need to "grow up" and you're allowed to be a bit fed up as well