Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman needs to grow up?

76 replies

EwwPeople · 07/03/2026 10:06

DD had a girlfriend last year. It was a bit too intense and not entirely healthy, so after asking me for support, we both agreed it was too much and she broke up with the girl. There obviously was upset and heartbreak on both sides, but it was done in a nice way . They are not friends anymore, but they are civil to each other (share a bus and one class).

Last night , we went to an event at the school. We bumped into the girl and the parents. I smiled and nodded (not effusively, but just as acknowledgement/politeness ) , the dad did similar but the mum huffed and rolled her eyes at me.

I know in the grand scheme of things it’s a complete non event , and I wasn’t crying in my cornflakes this morning about it, but it did bother me. Mainly because I teach (and model ) to DD that we do get over things and maintain a certain degree of civility, even when a fall out happens (as long as it isn’t anything too terrible).

Just musing on this while I’m avoiding housework.

OP posts:
Blueunicornthistle · 07/03/2026 14:54

Your DD is a product of your parenting. So is the other girl.

You feel that you have acted in support of your DD, I’m sure the other Mum does too.

And bear in mind - you saw her DD’s texts, she most probably did not. She won’t have the same version of the story that you have.

Teenage relationships are messy.

Be polite to the other parents when you see them and otherwise keep your mouth shut.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/03/2026 15:07

Usually only one person wants to break up, the other one takes longer to get over things, maybe she was crying into her cornflakes, her DM is as overly involved like you. Forget about it.
I am my DD biggest supporter but your involvement is creepy.

everypageisempty · 07/03/2026 15:11

Just ignore ... some parents forget that most young relationships end at some point...

Original poster
EwwPeople · 07/03/2026 15:13

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/03/2026 15:07

Usually only one person wants to break up, the other one takes longer to get over things, maybe she was crying into her cornflakes, her DM is as overly involved like you. Forget about it.
I am my DD biggest supporter but your involvement is creepy.

Edited

Creepy how, or why?

OP posts:
Original poster
EwwPeople · 07/03/2026 15:15

HeadyLamarr · 07/03/2026 14:40

I think it's because it's pretty final rather than the ongoing conversation/complaints that dumping is seen as Not Ok by text.

But I don't really know, I'm not a teenager. They have complicated rules we never had at their age. I just nod and smile and hand out snacks as needed.

I think you're right, you are more hurt on her behalf than you realised. While the other mum thinks her daughter was the victim, in your perspective it's your daughter who suffered and was put through the wringer.

Both are true. So no, other mother doesn't need to "grow up" and you're allowed to be a bit fed up as well

You’re right . And if nothing else , I did figure out why I was bothered (maybe a bit more than I thought) so the thread actually did help.

OP posts:
nomas · 07/03/2026 15:18

EwwPeople · 07/03/2026 14:23

The gf was pressuring her to dump her friends for her(emotional blackmail, weird shit and mentioning breaking up herself , intertwined with how much she loves her). Trust me she was . The whole thing was a mess tbh, and I’m also annoyed at myself for letting it go on for too long. That’s definitely on me andI totally take responsibility for that.

Show quote history

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

If you see the mum again, pretend she’s a ghost and don’t even acknowledge her.

Beachtastic · 07/03/2026 15:21

Huffing and rolling your eyes is such an ambiguous gesture. She might have just meant something like "Kids, hey" 🤷🏻‍♀️

fatphalange · 07/03/2026 15:23

Teach your DD what you like, but you don’t get to control other people. One woman’s tut and eye roll isn’t going to have any bearing on the behaviour you model for your child is it. You could frame it as ‘bullet dodged with that family’. Me personally I’d have pretended I didn’t clock it and shrug it off. Other people do other people things.

EvieBB · 07/03/2026 15:36

goz · 07/03/2026 10:16

I honestly just don’t think there’s any need to acknowledge the parents of your young teen’s ex! How bizarre.

Not bizarre at all
.....just being civil.....being human!

EvieBB · 07/03/2026 15:45

EwwPeople · 07/03/2026 10:27

We were quite friendly, as the girls had been friends before getting together, so we’ve had coffee once or twice, went to an event or two, chatted at drop/off pick ups for parties, sleepovers etc. , exchanged lifts/childcare.

Show quote history

Even if you did none of this, I still think it's nice/polite/civil to acknowledge the parents of your child's ex.....and not bizarre at all (it would be bizarre not to 🤔...

EvieBB · 07/03/2026 15:46

ScarlettSarah · 07/03/2026 10:19

Well, other people feel differently to you. I wouldn't be especially civil to you in those circumstances, and it doesn't sound like she was particularly awful.

Cold

EvieBB · 07/03/2026 15:47

Trusttheawesomeness · 07/03/2026 10:30

This is a really bizarre thread and I think highlights how bigoted and cold mumsnet csn be.

@Doseofreality and @TheFilliesWillRiseAgain Did you both post about a son, when it is very clear this was her daughter, as some sort of backhanded insult about lesbian teens? Just blatant homophobia.

And @faerylights um… what? It’s totally normal to talk to your teens about their relationships, especially when they actually come to you for advice and show you what they’re going through. Did you never have that sort of rapport with your own mum or your kids? How sad for you. It’s actually really sad to think of a teen coming to you for advice, showing you messages because they need help to manage it and you saying “well, I’m not getting involved in your relationship so work it out yourself.”

Mumsnet is on another planet, honestly.

Totally agree x

Patchworkquilts · 07/03/2026 16:15

EwwPeople · 07/03/2026 14:01

I just had an epiphany while reading this post (and doing the dishes). I realised I’m probably bothered because despite being the one to suggest breaking up, DD WAS the “injured “ party , and maybe I am still a tad angry about it. I need to get over it too. Grin

Show quote history

In YOUR eyes your daughter was the injured party. I highly doubt the other mum saw it that way. Your daughter was the dumper AND she did it over text, which really is quite rude and socially unacceptable.

Charlize43 · 07/03/2026 16:48

I would get back to your housework as it probably time better spent.

I should be doing the same.

Zov · 07/03/2026 17:03

YABU @EwwPeople a BIT.

There are 3 sides to every story. Your side, their side, and the truth.

Your daughter's version of events that she tells you won't be the full story, and her (ex) girlfriend's version of events she tells her mum won't be the full story either. This girl's mum will take her daughter's side no matter what.

I have had occasions before of mums ignoring me/blanking me/turning other people against me when my DC have fallen out with their children. It happens. Some people are very childish, and get involved in their childrens arguments.

Original poster
EwwPeople · 07/03/2026 17:15

Charlize43 · 07/03/2026 16:48

I would get back to your housework as it probably time better spent.

I should be doing the same.

I did get most of it done while dipping in and out on here. All in all, it was a productive day.

OP posts:
Original poster
EwwPeople · 07/03/2026 17:17

Patchworkquilts · 07/03/2026 16:15

In YOUR eyes your daughter was the injured party. I highly doubt the other mum saw it that way. Your daughter was the dumper AND she did it over text, which really is quite rude and socially unacceptable.

Show quote history

I already explained why it was done over text.

OP posts:
Wingingit73 · 07/03/2026 17:19

Ignore it

TheIceBear · 07/03/2026 17:55

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 07/03/2026 10:49

I just couldn't get exercised about someone rolling their eyes in passing.

Put it out of your mind OP, there's absolutely no point in dwelling on it like this.

I would imagine if the other mother could see that you've made her passing eye-roll the subject of an internet thread, she too would ask if you need to grow up.

exactly. I mean this is a non event really

dozer222 · 07/03/2026 18:41

Zov · 07/03/2026 17:03

YABU @EwwPeople a BIT.

There are 3 sides to every story. Your side, their side, and the truth.

Your daughter's version of events that she tells you won't be the full story, and her (ex) girlfriend's version of events she tells her mum won't be the full story either. This girl's mum will take her daughter's side no matter what.

I have had occasions before of mums ignoring me/blanking me/turning other people against me when my DC have fallen out with their children. It happens. Some people are very childish, and get involved in their childrens arguments.

Exactly, this sounds to me like fairly run of the mill primary school parent behaviour when kids fall out , haven’t you ever experienced it, OP?

PloddingAlong21 · 07/03/2026 18:44

Two sides to every story a your daughter did the breaking up - so she broke someone’s heart. Mum is protective.

Original poster
EwwPeople · 07/03/2026 20:33

PloddingAlong21 · 07/03/2026 18:44

Two sides to every story a your daughter did the breaking up - so she broke someone’s heart. Mum is protective.

Except I know all the sides because I’ve seen the texts.

I’m definitely over it ( now that I’ve unpicked it) and the housework is done!

OP posts:
ChocolateAddictAlways · 08/03/2026 19:49

EwwPeople · 07/03/2026 10:06

DD had a girlfriend last year. It was a bit too intense and not entirely healthy, so after asking me for support, we both agreed it was too much and she broke up with the girl. There obviously was upset and heartbreak on both sides, but it was done in a nice way . They are not friends anymore, but they are civil to each other (share a bus and one class).

Last night , we went to an event at the school. We bumped into the girl and the parents. I smiled and nodded (not effusively, but just as acknowledgement/politeness ) , the dad did similar but the mum huffed and rolled her eyes at me.

I know in the grand scheme of things it’s a complete non event , and I wasn’t crying in my cornflakes this morning about it, but it did bother me. Mainly because I teach (and model ) to DD that we do get over things and maintain a certain degree of civility, even when a fall out happens (as long as it isn’t anything too terrible).

Just musing on this while I’m avoiding housework.

I agree with you OP, I think it's important for parents to model the right sort of behaviour (even if she's had a different version of events). It was childish and unhelpful of the other mum.

maxslice · 08/03/2026 21:53

That mom was childish and rude. But as others have pointed out, she only has her daughter’s perspective. Naturally, she’s protective. But that doesn’t justify her rudeness. When my son and his girlfriend broke up, her mother called me frantic. “How are we going to get them back together?!?!” I felt it wasn’t up to us to do any such thing. I said, “We don’t. This is between the two of them to work it out or not.” She wasn’t happy. When we saw each other again at the school she was visibly frosty. Bad manners, but understandable, I guess. Regarding the ex-girlfriend’s mother, as a friend of mine says, “She can get over it or die with something on her mind.” Don’t let it bother you too much. Just keep being a good parent.

Goatsarebest · 08/03/2026 22:51

As a reason to get out of housework this is tenuous, to say the least. Good try anyway.