BBQ etiquette

[BBQetiquette]

Aibu to think that if someone invites you to a BBQ and says you don't need to take anything, that you still take something? It's the family of my son's sports team that are hosting a BBQ. He's only recently joined and I don't know many people. It must be costing then a fortune. Surely I can't actually turn up with nothing? Husband thinks they've said take nothing so it would be rude to take something. Help me not make a social faux pas 🙈

YABU - the host said take nothing so take nothing
YANBU - you should take something

So it’s a sporting team event/ get together for young males? How about a bowl of mixed candy…small individually wrapped candy. Sour type stuff seems to be the favorite.

I'd take a bottle of wine as a gift.

If a guest asks “can I bring anything?”, it is an offer to bring something for the meal, and a polite host will always say no. That does NOT mean you arrive empty handed. In Northern Ireland, it is the height of bad manners to turn up anywhere “with both arms the same length”, ie. not carrying a gift. When you go anywhere as a guest, you should always take a gift for the host: wine, chocolates, flowers, a pot plant, etc are all ideal. I never cease to be amazed at how many English people think it’s ok to turn up empty-handed… it’s the height of bloody rudeness in my book.

Oh I actually love that idea. I might have to purchase my first host gift now. Some sort of really hideous ornament that has to be kept until the next event where you can pass it on! 🤣

Boooo! I love getting flowers! I don't drink alcohol at home - I don't mind if people give me wine, because it's a nice thought, but it gets re-gifted.

This is the rule I was raised on:

You never ever turn up empty handed to someone’s house if they’re hosting you. If you ask the host what you can bring and they say don’t bring anything, you still bring something. If you’re hosting and someone asks what they can bring, you say nothing at all, just bring yourself. If they then do actually turn up empty handed I’d think they have no manners.

It sounds mad but that’s the social etiquette in my upbringing.

a really nice olive oil or a posh chutney is also a fab gift if they don’t drink but are foodies !

Not rude to take something. Not rude not to take something.

See this is just ridiculous isn't it? Telling someone not to bring anything and then thinking they were rude for doing what you asked?
I wouldn't turn up empty handed personally but if im hosting I'd never expect people to bring something. I think expecting that is rude.

There’s a difference between not taking a contribution to the BBQ and turning up with nothing to thank the hosts. They don’t want a contribution to their meal, which is understandable, but take a gift.

Of course you take a gift.

Honestly, if I say don’t bring anything I mean don’t bring anything. And I’m likely to take you at your word if you say the same to me.

I don’t want alcohol (I don’t drink) so it’s just something to sit in my cupboard and be eventually poured away if I’m not able to regift. I don’t like cut flowers. If you bring chocolates/biscuits I have the angst of whether to open them during the visit, which is annoying when I have already planned all the food items, or save them for later and potentially be considered rude for not sharing.

It’s an utter pain having this hosting gift rule, and I wish it would just die out.

Always bring drinks

Yes you should take something. If any of you have any dietary requirements (vegetarian/ gluten free etc) then take the appropriate things needed for that (veggie burgers/ GF buns or whatever). The host will appreciate it.

If there no dietary requirements then take something that can either be offered at the barbecue or saved until later to be used by the host at leisure. For an adult barbecue that would usually equate to some sort of alcohol.

If this is for kids then a couple of bags of kettle crisps, or a box or two of those supermarket mini brownie bites. Something simple and packaged that can be tucked away if not needed. Don’t turn up with a homemade potato salad unless pre agreed because you could be stepping on toes.

Avoid taking any food you bought to the barbecue back home with you, it’s not a good look.

Yes! Wine and a bunch of daffodils for the hostess at least

I’m Irish as well and “both arms swinging “ is used around here as well.

I would take 2 bottles of fizz

@OhBettyCalmDown

“Im not saying OP shouldn’t take one. It’s just as a host I wouldn’t want 5 bottles of wine, 2-3 boxes of chocolates and more flowers than I have vases for.”

There’s the difference between us - I’m greedy and wouldn’t mind ending up with 5 bottles of wine and 3 boxes of chocolates!

Wine and flowers or nice chocs is fine. Its a bbq, not a formal dinner party, so don't overthink it all, just go and have fun!

It is definitely NOT bbq weather in my part of the country, so i am jealous of those who live where it's possible.

Wine and flowers

Don't bring anything for the actual bbq. I'd bring a bottle of wine plus a bottle of a soft drink that my ds likes so he can easily help himself

Don't take anything for the BBQ. They will have planned all the food and will feel embarrassed if they don't cook your random packet of pork chops, or whatever. I also think flowers are a pain because you've got to find a vase and arrange them whilst you're trying to deal with cooking/guests/kids. Wine or chocolates are the best bet.

Take some wine and a bottle of coke or something

I would take a bottle of nice fizz, bunch of flowers and a sweet treat of some description.

I've heard it's quite bad etiquette to bring flowers as unless they're already in a vase, the host has to stop what theyre doing to trim the flowers & find a vase there & then