BBQ etiquette

[BBQetiquette]

Aibu to think that if someone invites you to a BBQ and says you don't need to take anything, that you still take something? It's the family of my son's sports team that are hosting a BBQ. He's only recently joined and I don't know many people. It must be costing then a fortune. Surely I can't actually turn up with nothing? Husband thinks they've said take nothing so it would be rude to take something. Help me not make a social faux pas 🙈

YABU - the host said take nothing so take nothing
YANBU - you should take something

You’re right: i would take that to mean that you don’t need to bring food for the barbecue but you should take drink or chocolates or similar.

As others have said, if they have specifically said not to bring anything then don't turn up with food - they will have catered for the numbers that are coming.

However, for any occasion like that, I would assume you take wine / beer for the table (and potentially some pop if all the youngsters are attending).

I think it is typically English to say this, but actually a bottle of wine/other gift for the host is welcome. Make sure it's not something perishable.

I’d take some wine, beer and soft drinks and some flowers for the host.
Are they really having a BBQ in March?

Oh course you should take something. You 100% can’t turn up empty handed unless you’re a serious CF.

Treat it like a normal diner invitation, you never turn up empty handed, how rude.

Agree with all the above, bring a thank you gift, not BBQ food.

I would bring box of chocolates and wine.
Not food for BBQ only thank you gift for hosting us.

Don’t take food for the bbq- it creates pressure on them to cook/serve it.

But agree with other - a bottle of drink/chocolates sort of thing would be nice

We host a lot and have BBQs all year round. We always say not to bring anything, but most people bring whatever they are drinking plus a bottle of wine or flowers and sometimes posh crisps or sweets for the kids. One friend brings a tin of homemade cupcakes to share, which is lovely. I agree with others that bringing BBQ food isn’t helpful, unless someone has an allergy or preference that we wouldn’t normally have. It’s very unusual for someone to turn up empty handed. I would definitely suggest taking whatever you’d like to drink plus a small gift.

You bring a bottle of wine

Take some drinks, doesn't even have to be alcohol but I'm sure they'll come in handy.

Just agreeing with everyone - hostess gifts only. They might actually be catering for allergies so don’t want extra food around so wouldn’t risk a cake etc if not asked for. I’d do a bottle of wine (they can always regift) and posh chocolates (same)

I find this really odd. If I tell people not to bring anything I literally mean don’t bring anything. I don’t mean don’t bring food but bring me a gift instead.

My friends and family have spent years not taking things to each other because the host is usually the one to take care of everything. On occasions where one of us does want help we’ll literally say, can you pick up a desert, a bottle of wine etc….

I agree something for the host. And maybe something to drink as well.

I think “don’t bring anything” means don’t bring any food. It doesn’t mean you can’t bring a gift.

Absolutely this. Surely to god you’d never turn up to someone’s house where you are being fed and come empty handed. You’d always bring a gift even if it was a packet of biscuits at the very least. OP I’d bring a couple of bottles of wine or some beer or even some soft drinks.

Same here! Family & friends, we'd all think you were 'cracked' if you brought a 'host gift' 🤣

I think its slightly different if you really know the people, and are close friends.

This is new people to the Op and whats normal in some circles would be rude im others, it definitely makes sense to me to play safe and take a host gift, chocolates/ wine not flowers that need dealt with and put in a vase.

@SpringIsSpringing2026 and @OhBettyCalmDown - i would expect the host to take care of the food but not of all the drinks or of things like chocolates etc. Wouldn’t you even take a bottle of wine or something?

Yes definitely take wine/beer/soft drink, plus another gift for the host (flowers, chocolate, nice candle).

Yeah it definitely seems like we’re in the minority. Though I don’t really do dinner parties with people I don’t know well, so generally speaking we all just say what we mean.

When asked to bring something I do but if not I don’t. Normally If I’m hosting I make sure there’s enough for everyone without expecting others to top it up but when I have needed help I’ve asked for it. The others do the same.

We spent Christmas Day with friends last year and none of us did gifts of any sort. Just spent the morning having a cuppa and a mince pie whilst the kids played. No obligation or expectations of any sort.

Im not saying OP shouldn’t take one. It’s just as a host I wouldn’t want 5 bottles of wine, 2-3 boxes of chocolates and more flowers than I have vases for.

Different friends groups have different 'norms', some are literally bring nothing & some are 'bring a plate' or 'BYO drinks'. Absolutely none are 'bring host gifts'

I'm sure we'd end up with 'stunt gifts' just going from house to house 🤣 much less hassle for no one to do it. 🤣

Wine or flowers or chocolates i'd say. If you go with a food they might have fully catered and have too much...

I’m with you. I find it awkward when people turn up with wine when I have already bought enough for my guests. I don’t drink so having left over stuff is annoying. Then there are the endless boxes of biscuits or chocolates, usually just grabbed on the way or from their cupboard because the “I have to bring something” culture seems ingrained. I don’t notice if guests bring nothing and I don’t expect it.

Please take wine / beer / chocolates. Please don’t take flowers - putting them in water gives the busy hosts another job and their jugs are filled with Pimms or squash already.