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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think supernanny doesn’t need a come back

264 replies

Inthenameoflove · 06/03/2026 22:05

I’ve noticed that Jo Frost is on a bit of a PR wave at the moment. AIBU to think her brand of ‘parenting’ advice can stay in the 00s.

I’ve always found the idea of parenting experts without children somewhat suspect. To me it’s very different than being a teacher or working with children generally which I don’t think you need to be a parent to do well.

I don’t enjoy her lectures/rants about things I suspect she has very little knowledge of.

I also find it really morally questionable putting struggling kids on TV - immortalised in their hardest moment forever.

OP posts:
TheignT · 08/03/2026 20:51

mathanxiety · 08/03/2026 20:36

There is no 'blame'.

There is no expectation of 'immediate compliance' either. The timeouts on Supernanny showed parents that a child crying was not the end of the world, and it didn't mean the parents had scarred the child for life.

Many of the parents on the show had the idea in their heads that they were doing something wrong if they upset their child. The result was very unhappy children. They were unhappy because they thought their feelings were frightening their parents.

A child who continues to play up/ defy parents after appropriate warnings is one who has got used to getting their own way and ignoring parents' instructions or expectations. Allowing children to get away with ignoring parents is not a recipe for bringing up a happy, secure child, one who will function well among peers and within wider society. Children need to feel, deep down, that their parents are in charge, that their parents are their leaders.

She did it with two or three year olds. Do you really punish them, they are babies.

Revoltingpheasants · 08/03/2026 21:05

Time outs can be really helpful when they are ‘OK, this isn’t going well, let’s remove ourselves from the situation and reset.’

I don’t like ‘naughty step’ because a lot of children will just turn it into a stupid game of running off it and shrieking with laughter, especially if you have more than one child and they wind one another up. I am not massively keen on any sanction that is unrealistic in terms of work for me.

stickydough · 08/03/2026 21:08

mathanxiety · 08/03/2026 20:14

The parents of the children signed their families up for her programme. She didn't just rock up to their front doors and barge in with her camera crew.

The parents were clearly doing pretty much everything wrong and the result was deeply unhappy children who took out their frustrations on their parents and on each other.

You are very ironically advocating for one approach over another here. There is no one size fits all to parenting, and no perfect method. Parents do the best they can, dealing as they are with their individual circumstances and their own personal limitations. Sometimes their best falls a long way short of effective or even reasonably ok.

Jo Frost's methods were hardly 'spank them all soundly and send them to bed' - even if there is research suggesting timeouts are not the gold standard, there is a lot of excellent advice in her overall approach, which is essentially to show parents the importance of taking back leadership of their families and how to do that. 'Grow a backbone' is parenting advice that is always going to be relevant.

Like people who signed themselves up to Jeremy Kyle, they were often vulnerable in various ways. Yes they volunteered themselves but was it really informed consent? I doubt it and the children certainly couldnt consent.

I am advocating one approach over another, yes. Time outs and the like aren’t promoted by infant mental health professionals. But yes agree with you that empowering parents to understand they need to be in charge and how children actually want and need this, is a timeless message. Also totally agree parents do the best they can, and when struggling will follow the most easily available advice. I’d rather it wasn’t hers.

mathanxiety · 09/03/2026 03:45

TheignT · 08/03/2026 20:51

She did it with two or three year olds. Do you really punish them, they are babies.

You really need to show them at 2 or 3, certainly by 3, that they need to listen to their parent/ caregiver. They learn where the lines are by realising when they've pushed things too far. When there are no natural consequences the child can kearn from, the parent has to be the one who provides the way to impress upon the child that they should have listened.

You're not going to succeed in getting your child to listen to you if you leave it too long after 3.

They are not babies. They are capable of learning habits that are explicitly taught to them. The habit of eating with a spoon or fork, the habit of using the loo, the habit of helping tidy up, the habit of sitting at the table while eating and drinking, the habit of saying please/ thank you, the habit of being gentle with the family pet...

You also need to make sure your child isn't hungry, sick, tired, or upset about something, and that your daily lives are suited to the sort of child you are dealing with - some children are happy to potter around home all day and some require a good deal of physical activity. There's a context to everything.

It's important for parents to teach and encourage their children to express their feelings verbally, and to show their children that they too have feelings. I'm not advocating authoritarian parenting. It's important to apologize to children if a parent feels they were immoderate in showing irritation, or unreasonable in expectations, or impatient. This teaches the child that we can try to fix mistakes, and we can acknowledge the feelings our behaviour causes in other people, as well as honoring the relationship and repairing it.

Children need to be learning by age 3 that there are expectations of their behaviour and that these expectations are going to be consistently required, by a parent who is on top of things and in control of herself or himself.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/03/2026 06:01

mikado1 · 08/03/2026 19:53

For anyone interested in the reasons why time out is not recommended:
https://www.irishexaminer.com/news/arid-20033248.html

Another Xer here with adult children, we did a bit of time out and even she who must not be named for routine on the very early years - the DC seem fine.

My question is if not time out with say a 2.5year old who is hitting/snatching/ biting then what ? My Dsis has younger children now 12&14 and they have used v. little discipline, life at their home is complete chaos, nobody helps out, there is shouting every single day ( from everyome) give me a few minutes in the buggy facing the wall aged 2 or 3 anyday.

MyTrivia · 09/03/2026 06:17

The problem with Supernanny is that she would have to go and ‘fix’ a situation that was often a result of how the parents had mishandled their children’s behaviour for years.

So her methods are quick fix. They needed to be. And the show wouldn’t have been popular if people couldn’t see a difference in the child’s behaviour.

I personally agree that her methods belong in the 00s.

MyTrivia · 09/03/2026 06:21

‘My question is, if not time out with say a 2.5year old who is hitting/snatching/biting then what?’

My daughter went through a hitting phase at nursery when she was 2. We bought a book called ‘hands are not for hitting’. She stopped hitting very quickly.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/03/2026 06:31

MyTrivia · 09/03/2026 06:17

The problem with Supernanny is that she would have to go and ‘fix’ a situation that was often a result of how the parents had mishandled their children’s behaviour for years.

So her methods are quick fix. They needed to be. And the show wouldn’t have been popular if people couldn’t see a difference in the child’s behaviour.

I personally agree that her methods belong in the 00s.

So how do you deal with a pre school child who for example grabs food from another child ? There needs to be some level of order and compliance with basic standards from around 2 or 3 or life becomes impossible for everyone, especially if you have more than one child. How would you do it ? I think time out was a response to the decline in the acceptability of smacking/ spanking. Both methods are relatively straight forward and quick. A long conversation with a 3 year old just isn't possible when you need to get to school or get on with cooking tea. It also absolutely centres the child so they never ever learn to wait for parental attention, this is a pain in the arse for any other adults, but completely disasterous when they go to school.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/03/2026 06:32

MyTrivia · 09/03/2026 06:21

‘My question is, if not time out with say a 2.5year old who is hitting/snatching/biting then what?’

My daughter went through a hitting phase at nursery when she was 2. We bought a book called ‘hands are not for hitting’. She stopped hitting very quickly.

But in the momemt what did you do ?

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/03/2026 06:35

I rhink it is also worth acknowledging that some children are easier to parent than others. That most pre-school boys have a greater need for physical outdoor play and clear boinderies than most pre-school girls and that anyone parenting a girl between 12 & 16 deserves a medal.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/03/2026 06:36

Apologies for typos- new phone.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/03/2026 06:37

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/03/2026 06:32

But in the momemt what did you do ?

and perhaps more tellingly what did nursery do ?

mikado1 · 09/03/2026 07:12

Block them and stop them is what you do, leave the room or park if necessary, but you're with them, that's the difference.
I was a real pleaser and good girl so I really didn't want my children to absorb the idea that bad behaviour = bad child or that if behaving badly their carer didn't want to see them. With my second ds I didn't need to block or stop anything, he was one of those super easy toddlers who just played and listened and followed along with how things were done. Second child, more relaxed parents and temperament I guess.

mikado1 · 09/03/2026 07:14

Janet Lansbury is very good for no-nonsense, adult in charge but child understood/respected approach.

MyTrivia · 09/03/2026 07:32

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/03/2026 06:37

and perhaps more tellingly what did nursery do ?

They told her to have kind hands and they modelled behaviour for her to say sorry and check the child she hit was ok. They did NOT put her in ‘time out’. They were consistent in their approach and so was I, at home - reminding her that she needed to have kind hands before she went in. The behaviour lasted about 2 weeks.

faerylights · 09/03/2026 07:46

TheignT · 08/03/2026 20:49

A well fed child can go without food for a day or two with no long term issues. Do you recommend that? We set the bar so low.

What a weird attempt at a comparison.

faerylights · 09/03/2026 07:47

TheignT · 08/03/2026 20:51

She did it with two or three year olds. Do you really punish them, they are babies.

A three year old is not a baby 🙄

Neurodiversitydoctor · 09/03/2026 07:54

mikado1 · 09/03/2026 07:12

Block them and stop them is what you do, leave the room or park if necessary, but you're with them, that's the difference.
I was a real pleaser and good girl so I really didn't want my children to absorb the idea that bad behaviour = bad child or that if behaving badly their carer didn't want to see them. With my second ds I didn't need to block or stop anything, he was one of those super easy toddlers who just played and listened and followed along with how things were done. Second child, more relaxed parents and temperament I guess.

Ok I don't think that is so very different really. Difficult if more than one child another is having a nice time, you effectively punish tbe one not playing up by leaving. As I said above I wpuld give them 2 minutes in the buggy facing the wall, sometimes they went to sleep. I never did the whole apology thing age 2 or 3 I'm not sure that is very meaningful. Anyhow by 3.5 or 4 they were pretty well socialised. Maybe that would have happened anyway, who knows. DSis was still having arguments about for example getting dressed / teeth brushing well into primary school.

OhWise1 · 09/03/2026 09:53

faerylights · 08/03/2026 17:02

It's only not a short punishment if the child continues to play up.

I don't think there's any punishment that's guaranteed to be short every time - is there? Confused

Apart from smacking, which i think most of us disagree with!

OhWise1 · 09/03/2026 09:55

TheignT · 08/03/2026 19:49

Yes blame the distressed child for not complying immediately.

Distressed or frustrated?

faerylights · 09/03/2026 09:57

OhWise1 · 09/03/2026 09:53

Apart from smacking, which i think most of us disagree with!

Exactly!

Since when did it stop being okay for children to be upset for longer than a minute or two? I find it so bizarre.

Wynter25 · 09/03/2026 10:31

OhWise1 · 09/03/2026 09:53

Apart from smacking, which i think most of us disagree with!

I smacked my child yesterday. He ran across the road. He needs to know thats not okay.

mikado1 · 09/03/2026 10:36

Wynter25 · 09/03/2026 10:31

I smacked my child yesterday. He ran across the road. He needs to know thats not okay.

He does but you don't need to do that to show him.
And similarly you don't need time out or a naughty step. The same lessons, rules and boundaries can be communicated. I've never had a row with mine over teeth or dressing or bedtimes.. and no they're not easy well ds1 definitely wasn't
I'm also a teacher who is not a fan of random punishment and woukd only take a child off the playground if they're a danger to others ie not because they're talking jn class etc. I have a very well behaved and disciplined classroom without those type of relationship breakers. So again I say, relationship is key. Tbf to SN, I think she did actually work on relationships but it wasn't as emphasised or as tv ratings friendly as the rest.

faerylights · 09/03/2026 10:47

Wynter25 · 09/03/2026 10:31

I smacked my child yesterday. He ran across the road. He needs to know thats not okay.

How exactly did you giving him a smack teach him not to run into a road?

MyTrivia · 09/03/2026 11:44

Wynter25 · 09/03/2026 10:31

I smacked my child yesterday. He ran across the road. He needs to know thats not okay.

Hitting him wasn’t ok either.