To think supernanny doesn’t need a come back

[Inthenameoflove]

I’ve noticed that Jo Frost is on a bit of a PR wave at the moment. AIBU to think her brand of ‘parenting’ advice can stay in the 00s.

I’ve always found the idea of parenting experts without children somewhat suspect. To me it’s very different than being a teacher or working with children generally which I don’t think you need to be a parent to do well.

I don’t enjoy her lectures/rants about things I suspect she has very little knowledge of.

I also find it really morally questionable putting struggling kids on TV - immortalised in their hardest moment forever.

It's only not a short punishment if the child continues to play up.

I don't think there's any punishment that's guaranteed to be short every time - is there?

I don't think withdrawing attention (love) is the way to implement it.

We arent talking about chaining kids up in the cellar for weeks! Having them sit on a step or in the corner for an age appropriate amount of time is hardly "withdrawing love". And what I remember from the show is the parents who were unduly restrictive and harsh and who were being shown how to discipline children in an age appropriate way.

I think some of her methods were good and she did get results, my objection was thinking broadcasting kids in crisis was entertainment for the masses.
To say that the naughty step and time out is bordering on abuse is absolutely ridiculous.

I think more parents need to take a leaf out of Supernanny’s book and actually parent their children properly inc. consequences for poor behaviour.

Far too many pathetic (gentle??) parents about who think their children will drag themselves up or other people can parent their children for them.

Agree! Also, people’s interpretation of love is different. Imho “proper” love involves holding boundaries, even though it can be momentarily uncomfortable for both parties.

If a child can’t withstand being separated from their parent for a few age appropriate minutes without understanding that they are loved despite the separation, then there are existing problems in the relationship.

She isn’t the equivalent of an oncologist though is she? She isn’t a child psychologist. Correct me if I’m wrong but I believe she has no professionally relevant qualifications so comparing her to a doctor is rather over inflating her knowledge.

Absolutely. Love isn't about just doing whatever doesn't upset your child.

Yes blame the distressed child for not complying immediately.

For anyone interested in the reasons why time out is not recommended:
https://www.irishexaminer.com/news/arid-20033248.html

DD is now 26 and she used to love watching Super Nanny. She has turned out great and I didn’t have to do any hard parenting, she has self-educated 😂

I'm not blaming anyone, just stating a fact.

What "punishments" are guaranteed to be short and immediate, with no lasting upset anyway? I certainly can't think of any.

OMG as a childless person who has to live in society with these spoilt children, there is more need than ever!

(I do think you have a point about filming children without their informed consent though. Maybe they should use actors or something).

Hasnt done any kids i know who had time out any harm. So i will continue to do what i feel is right

" she has no professionally relevant qualifications"

Doesn't she have a nannying qualification?
Even if she doesn't experience also qualifies people and she has plenty of experience looking after children.

I watched one today where she was helping a mum to teach her ds how to play with others. He got it really quickly once down. If that mum had posted on here she’d be thinking she needed to get an autism diagnosis. Setting clear boundaries isn’t abandonment, it’s love! My dc are very close to me and survived the super nanny techniques to grow into wonderful adults/teens. Her techniques were kind and based on clear communication.

Thinking about it, dd3 was so shocked by the behaviours she made the decision not to behave like that just from watching Jo frost 🤣

The back to bed technique saved my sanity with a then 3 year old who was running us ragged night after night. It took 6 nights, and was a complete battle of wills but within 2 weeks we had her asleep by 7.30pm every evening. And because we kept that routine going, we didn't have to do it with our subsequent kids, they just followed suit. It's a veritable hell living with an overtired and overstimulated child. And once she was sleeping better, her behaviour improved dramatically. We were all a LOT happier for it.

The parents of the children signed their families up for her programme. She didn't just rock up to their front doors and barge in with her camera crew.

The parents were clearly doing pretty much everything wrong and the result was deeply unhappy children who took out their frustrations on their parents and on each other.

You are very ironically advocating for one approach over another here. There is no one size fits all to parenting, and no perfect method. Parents do the best they can, dealing as they are with their individual circumstances and their own personal limitations. Sometimes their best falls a long way short of effective or even reasonably ok.

Jo Frost's methods were hardly 'spank them all soundly and send them to bed' - even if there is research suggesting timeouts are not the gold standard, there is a lot of excellent advice in her overall approach, which is essentially to show parents the importance of taking back leadership of their families and how to do that. 'Grow a backbone' is parenting advice that is always going to be relevant.

Maybe that's telling you something like punishment isn't the answer.

Most parents are not professionally qualified to parent either. We all muddle through. Some make a spectacular mess of it.

Nobody was ever obliged to take on board any of Jo Frost's advice. There was always some other programme you could watch or some other guru whose parenting advice you could follow. Or you could just make it up as you went along, or take whatever was relevant to you from many different approaches.

Okay, what other consequences last for less time than a few minutes of time out then?

There is a place for punishment just as there is a place for reward. Natural consequences are not always going to be unpleasant enough to teach a child, or memorable enough either.

Exactly. A secure, loved child will be able to deal with the occasional punishment.

I'm really surprised people think that kids should never be punished

There is no 'blame'.

There is no expectation of 'immediate compliance' either. The timeouts on Supernanny showed parents that a child crying was not the end of the world, and it didn't mean the parents had scarred the child for life.

Many of the parents on the show had the idea in their heads that they were doing something wrong if they upset their child. The result was very unhappy children. They were unhappy because they thought their feelings were frightening their parents.

A child who continues to play up/ defy parents after appropriate warnings is one who has got used to getting their own way and ignoring parents' instructions or expectations. Allowing children to get away with ignoring parents is not a recipe for bringing up a happy, secure child, one who will function well among peers and within wider society. Children need to feel, deep down, that their parents are in charge, that their parents are their leaders.

A well fed child can go without food for a day or two with no long term issues. Do you recommend that? We set the bar so low.