Confronted mum speeding in nursery carpark - husband embarrassed

[Passmethewinejeeves]

I often struggle to make sense of things like this so would very much appreciate input please.

I was waiting in the car at nursery, saw another parent drive in very fast and swing her car (a large truck type vehicle) into the bay closest to the exit (a disabled bay, no disabled badge but that's not the issue) all the while looking sideways and waving at another parent who had walked out with his child. There is a clear 5mph speed limit and she was very far over that.

While my partner was putting out child in the car I politely asked her to slow down while pulling in and pointed out the speed limit. Looked over to see my partner standing beside our car with his head in his hands looking obviously embarrassed and telling me I shouldn't have said anything.

I said it is a potentially very dangerous situation as young children can easily slip free of their parent (rightly or wrongly) and I wouldn't let embarrassment stop me having a polite word but he said I embarrassed our child.

I understand he isn't the type of person to speak up and that is his right . If he had just got into the car, I wouldn't have minded but I admit I do feel hurt that he made an obvious display of being embarrassed.

I genuinely did not make a scene, just a quiet word asking her to consider safety that nobody else will have heard.

Looked over to see my partner standing beside our car with his head in his hands looking obviously embarrassed

I'd be embarrassed of HIM 🤢

Your DH did the equivalent of saying "gawd sorry about the wife". What a twat.

That being said, next time I would just speak to the nursery. They can put out a reminder email on the speed limit.

Children hearing a loud voice is surely better than children under the wheels of a car.

I wouldn't confront anyone..I have done in the past perfectly politely
.I was driving past a skip lorry on a bend in a tiny village,he opened his door just as I was slowly overthinking..I tooted the horn,he came storming over, ripped my foot open and had his fist right up against my face. I was terrified..I would have taken her index details and reported her to the nursery staff. First response is laughable "I would genuinely leave", someone else is nauseous
You have to be careful
DH driving one day main road roundabout,I was passenger , bloke inthe right lane cut in in front of us, overtook, only just missed hitting our car.Dh just looked at him saying "what are you doing?" He sped down the road and kept doing emergency stops in front of us, obviously hoping we would hit the back. He doesn't confront people, but we were recently shopping, only one road in,dead end. Came out,road closure..I went to the bloke behind to explain the road was closed,he stuck a finger up. He overtook but obviously couldn't get through. DH knocked on his window, told him he needed to apologise,he came over and did. Mind you,he was very elderly.

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This 100%

Parking in the disabled bay is an issue. Some of us fought to have those blue badges for our disabled children (non visible disability) so she’s an even bigger dickhead.

Exactly. You did the right thing.

She was a dangerous idiot.

Your h is an unsupportive, weak man. I’d find that really hard to get past or forgive.

I wouldn't have said anything- it sounds very minor. If I repeatedly saw such behaviour I would have a word with the nursery. Confronting someone directly is rarely going to have the desired effect and it's a problem that the nursery needs to deal with - not you personally. However I also wouldn't have done what your dh did - if he had an issue he should have raised it with you privately not throw you under the bus in public.

You know what you did was right. But now you have to face the very uncomfortable state of your husband’s spineless lack of support. He didn’t have to get involved but he certainly should have been metaphorically behind you in your action. I would be rather ashamed of him if I were you. This will take some coming back from overall.

You handled the situation really well and good for you. I box and do martial arts so if it were me, I may have asked him how he’d like his wife’s remains returned to him but only if I’d lost my temper which I add would be unlikely with a child present. People revert to treats of physical violence so easily these days.

I absolutely agree and I did point this out to her too.

I just meant that wasn't the reason I spoke to her and was also pre-empting people mentioning hidden disabilities. Clearly a very selfish driver all round unfortunately.

My DH is very like you from the sounds of it. Always telling people off for rule violations, he truly was cut out for being the strict parent. Sometimes it is a bit annoying, especially when I’m the one getting told off (it reminds me of school) but it’s just him. I don’t find it embarrassing and the idea that you’re “embarrassing” your nursery aged child is stupid - teenage maybe, but if they’re at nursery they’re definitely not embarrassed.

Speeding in a nursery car park is genuinely dangerous and I would have told her off, probably much less politely than you did.

They’re never wrong, these people. Rules are for others.

You were absolutely right to challenge - well done. You would also be in a minority: the British are notoriously conflict averse, so what you did took courage.

Your husband is an embarrassment. Comfortable with the risk of a stray kid being injured by a speeding car, is he? It’s 5PMH for a reason.

What an immature attitude. oP was being a responsible adult and reminding another adult to be responsible - because there are heaps of innocent children in that area. That’s a good thing, not “cringe”. You sound about 11.

Good for you. It’s 5 mph for a reason.

This is a good thing about relationships, hopefully over the years he will see and learn to confront situations he is concerned about. We’re not all the same.

I think you did the right thing. it's about time these bloody parents (often with their Chelsea tractors) stopped trying to kill everyone else when they are driving their kids to school/childcare.

I live near a school and I swear the parents share one braincell.

My DH would be embarrassed too. Though sometimes he will say something but he's a bit nicer than I am about it.

The fact that there are children around is precisely why it was important you had a word. Some people have huge cars and dont really drive as if they do, these cars are the most dangerous for kids because often you can't see them from inside.

I think you did the right thing and I think it's a bit pathetic and disloyal to make of show of being embarrassed of you. Also the children thing is an excuse - it's totally fine to see adults having a quiet word with each other. He's the one who is embarrassed and trying to make out it's from concern for the children.

Depends exactly how you reacted, storming over or politely pointing out. If it happened again, I would speak to the nursery so they can send a general reminder about the need to enter the car park slowly and not to use the disabled space unless they are entitled