Confronted mum speeding in nursery carpark - husband embarrassed

[Passmethewinejeeves]

I often struggle to make sense of things like this so would very much appreciate input please.

I was waiting in the car at nursery, saw another parent drive in very fast and swing her car (a large truck type vehicle) into the bay closest to the exit (a disabled bay, no disabled badge but that's not the issue) all the while looking sideways and waving at another parent who had walked out with his child. There is a clear 5mph speed limit and she was very far over that.

While my partner was putting out child in the car I politely asked her to slow down while pulling in and pointed out the speed limit. Looked over to see my partner standing beside our car with his head in his hands looking obviously embarrassed and telling me I shouldn't have said anything.

I said it is a potentially very dangerous situation as young children can easily slip free of their parent (rightly or wrongly) and I wouldn't let embarrassment stop me having a polite word but he said I embarrassed our child.

I understand he isn't the type of person to speak up and that is his right . If he had just got into the car, I wouldn't have minded but I admit I do feel hurt that he made an obvious display of being embarrassed.

I genuinely did not make a scene, just a quiet word asking her to consider safety that nobody else will have heard.

This is exactly the point I made, how would I live with myself if there was an accident and I had witnessed previous dangerous driving and done nothing.

Sounds like you did a good thing for everyone's benefit!

She sounds like a knob. Good on you, OP.

Oh, and I'll bet she's feeling worse than you are tonight, because she knows she was a knob. Hopefully now she knows she's been caught out, she won't do it again.

Good on you. She needed telling.

You did nothing wrong @ConflictedBeagle

you need to have a quiet word with your H and tell him that he has no right whatsoever to try to humiliate you by dragging your child into situations that HE himself finds embarrassing or whatever

reiterate that you very much did the right thing, and you’d do it again if you saw it happen again.

ffs, I can think of more than one person has been killed in school run parking situations that I’ve heard of.

tell your h that you find his sensitivity a massive let down and you expect more backing than this.

He threatened you with a slap from his wife, they sound like a classy pair.

“Happy Friday!” What a passive aggressive twunty reply.

Well done to you. When I was pregnant with DD (18 in a few weeks) a 2yr old boy was killed in our nursery car park and it was devastating. It only takes a minute.

I wish I was brave as you. I would just sit and scowl at her and not say anything 🤣

Sounds like he needs to grow up

Yes.

Wasn't even going to do it himself.
Never saw his wife at drop off so not sure when he was expecting it would happen.
The child was sat in the front of the vehicle without even a booster seat too.

You definitely did the right thing . My husband is non confrontational but would have been pleased that I spoke up! I approached a parent a couple of years ago parked next to my car who hadn’t strapped her child into car seat! I knocked on her window and ‘reminded’ her . She was actually ok about it.

Good for you and hopefully she will think twice about such a dangerous and selfish idiot! No one has any reason to risk lives because they're in a rush. I see it too often, people speeding, screeching round corners, overtaking, all in places like schools and hospitals. It's a disgraceful entitled attitude they're more important.

Looking at driving safely, basically being in a weaponised machine, imagine hurting/killing someone because you were too wrapped up in your own world of rushing. Thay moment will change yoir life forever, was it worth it being a few seconds earlier?

I think you 100% done the right thing

Telling her to slow down and pointing at the speed limit sign is cringeworthy in my view. It’s like you’re her manager or parent or something. You telling her would have irritated the hell out of her not made her go home and do a speed awareness course!

Firstly, thank you for going to speak to her. She's an obnoxious twat with her happy Friday bullshit but that's not your problem, it's hers. She might be so irritated by the whole thing that it will stick in her mind and she will inadvertently be more cautious in there.

Secondly, even if your husband wasn't behind your actions he should not have publicly shamed you like that. What a tosser.

Unless he's generally a knob I'd forget about it now though.

Well done for saying something, sometimes people just don't think and sounds like the speeding mum didn't think. She may do in future though hopefully.

Your partner was a bit of a wimp tbh.. cared more about saving face than the possibility of a kid being hurt.

Well the husband was not the one speeding the only one at fault here is the idiot who didnt care about anyone else

He's pathetic

He was the embarrassing one! Your child wouldn’t even have noticed if he hadn’t made a scene.

I say similar things to people/other parents. I’ve been told to F off and called a Karen 🤣 I just don’t care. You did the right thing, don’t worry about your husband, he can be embarrassed if he wants.

I would have said something. A three year old child was killed in a horrible accident in a private school car park near me.

I have been known to get out of the car and calmly but firmly ask an Audi driver to reverse their car into a passing place on a country lane (for which I did get called a Karen, but he did thus reverse). That was stupid of me, and I asked myself WTF I was doing as I did it, as it could have turned out quite differently. But the car park situation, every time. And if I didn't speak up someone else soon would.

Did your DH grow up in a very high conflict, aggressive environment, where any adult discussion was likely to escalate into violence?

Perceiving you as starting a fight or screaming match is the only way I could understand his idea that you shouldn’t do this in front of children. Whereas seeing adults discuss and resolve things is a really good example to children.

You were spot on and responsible telling her. As other posters have said, sadly, this type of reckless driving in similar settings has led to deaths. Anyone who is embarrassed at a polite appeal for safety is the unreasonable one as is the irresponsible driver.

This is a bug bear of mine too people driving like idiots in car parks . I would have probably shouted at her she sounds like a complete idiot. And as for your husband….