Confronted mum speeding in nursery carpark - husband embarrassed

[Passmethewinejeeves]

I often struggle to make sense of things like this so would very much appreciate input please.

I was waiting in the car at nursery, saw another parent drive in very fast and swing her car (a large truck type vehicle) into the bay closest to the exit (a disabled bay, no disabled badge but that's not the issue) all the while looking sideways and waving at another parent who had walked out with his child. There is a clear 5mph speed limit and she was very far over that.

While my partner was putting out child in the car I politely asked her to slow down while pulling in and pointed out the speed limit. Looked over to see my partner standing beside our car with his head in his hands looking obviously embarrassed and telling me I shouldn't have said anything.

I said it is a potentially very dangerous situation as young children can easily slip free of their parent (rightly or wrongly) and I wouldn't let embarrassment stop me having a polite word but he said I embarrassed our child.

I understand he isn't the type of person to speak up and that is his right . If he had just got into the car, I wouldn't have minded but I admit I do feel hurt that he made an obvious display of being embarrassed.

I genuinely did not make a scene, just a quiet word asking her to consider safety that nobody else will have heard.

I wouldnt have said anything but I would genuinely leave a man who did that to me.

i really really hate shit like that, stand by your wife fgs 🙄

Your dh is a limp dick idiot for that. It would be a serious ick behaving like that.

YANBU.

I wouldn’t do it. Not least because I’d assume she is another mum and I don‘t want to piss off mild of other children that my kids might end up at school with.

also, I’d feel I had to be absolutely perfect at all drop offs and pick ups otherwise she’d be looking for the opportunity to tell me off.

He sounds pathetic - like a 15yo embarrassed by his mum.

You didn't 'confront' her 🙄

And I'm pretty sure you know you weren't being unreasonable.

But if it's a 'well done' you're looking for then well done.

She clearly needed telling.

I mean, I did get out of the car and go over to speak to her, which I can see others may not have done and he thought I was wrong for doing and quite prepared to be told if I was.

We have spoken since and he said I shouldn't have said anything because there were children and he felt she was raising her voice (which I didn't think she did)

Still, a polite adult word is not confrontation 🤷‍♂️

I'd be furious at his pathetic display trying to indicate to everyone around him that he was embarrassed by your actions AND then to try to say you were embarrassing your child, who is surely far too young to understand any of the context at all.

What a pathetic twat. Can't even own that it was him that was embarrassed!

Well I didn't think it was, but was interested to know how others would view it and wanted to give a balanced account.

Thank you!

This is exactly what has hurt me, I didn't expect support, as that is not who he is and it wasn't needed, I just thought he would wait in the car but it seems he cared more about what this other woman thought.

He says he doesn't want to talk about it but basically I was wrong because there were children around. I can't shake this horrible feeling.

You've done nothing wrong OP. Aggressively driving and speeding a large vehicle in a small nursery car park needs a word. Some people are so arrogant in their own little bubbles and hate being held to account for their behaviour. Your dh shouldn’t have embarrassed you like that either. I’m sorry that you had to deal with that incident and then him whining at you as well.

Out of Interest, how did the other mum react?

Its the other woman who has reason to be embarrassed. Driving carelessly around small children is incredibly stupid and irresponsible.
Your husband is clearly a people pleaser who worries more about what people think of him than what he thinks of them. His little pantomime of head in hands embarrassment was to signal to her he had no issue with her so she wouldn't be mad at him. It's weak behaviour but it's not an uncommon character trait.

Good for you OP. I would have done the same and I bet my DH would have been embarrassed too. I find it all a bit pathetic but he’s a massive pacifist (wet lettuce).

I had a minor altercation with a small man in a ski lift queue once (he was being aggressive towards me and I wasn’t having it). DH looked the other way and didn’t support me. I’ve never really forgiven him!

Solidarity.

How could you have embarrassed your child? They're nursery age.

He sounds ridiculous.

Is he normally scared of his own shadow? He should have just got in the car. He embarrassed you more than any raised voices ever could.

Well done OP. We had a couple where one parent would take the children in and one would wait in the car with the engine running, blocking the car park entrance at 7.30am. I glared at them but when nothing changed I had a word.

Your husband is an idiot
I'd be having stern words with him

You are right. I'm sorry you are married to a wimp.

Partner sounds spineless

I would’ve been embarrassed if my DH had done what you did.

He was wrong, you were right, precisely because there were children around that could have been hurt. Young kids wouldn’t have had an opinion about what was going on between you and this woman.

I spoke to a nursery parent before due to them driving on and off the pavement when the children were walking past. He was also driving a high way maintenance lorry, so not even a car.

He took exception to it and on a threatened me ( when my husband was sat next to me in the car) that his wife would slap me.

The nursery were made aware and were great. They agreed with me. They got signs to put outside to try and stop people parking there.

We also had a few pcso visits, and they spoke to anyone parking there to drop off. ( but also had a word with him).

There was a public car park next to the nursery, and while not much space in that street, plenty of space in the next street, about a minute walk.

As far as I was concerned, I had taught my child road safety. I couldn't then argue with her logic that pavements were for people, and cars should be on the road not the pavement.

Whilst it is a selfish point of view, I tend to think "how will I feel if I don't say anything and someone is injured or killed?"

That means that I do say something when I witness dangerous behaviour and I don't really care if that is embarrassing for my DH or DDs.

She admitted "swinging in" and parking in a disabled bay but said that was ok because there weren't many people there. She said she wasn't speeding so I pointed out the sign and asked her if she honestly believed she was going 5mph or less and she told me "Happy Friday".