To leave my house to my children and not my husband

[Moiraroseee]

I have two children and my main priority is ensuring they are always well taken care of. I am married to a lovely man who is not their father but has been in our lives for many years (firstly as a family friend prior to our relationship). For various reasons, when we bought our family home, it was practical for me to be the only person named on the mortgage and I supplied the entire deposit. The question I have is, if I die am I able to leave the house entirely to my children? He is not named on the property (although circumstances have now changed and he could be added now) - but since we are married is the property automatically 50% his and therefore would I be unable to leave it all to my kids?

100% get will drafted by lawyer. Presumably with your DHs and DCs full knowledge so no nasty fall out with kids in event you pass.

My DF left me and my siblings his ‘half’ of the house in his will. except that wasnt his to give and it went direct to my DM as his wife of 30 yrs…and she couldnt afford to sell and give us half at the time to honour his wishes. It was very unfair of him to leave her with that mess to clean up. His children got nothing in the end and one oy siblings took this very hard. That was 20 yrs ago, DM is still thiving and living in the house. I wasnt angry about not getting anything but I was so mad at him as his lack of thought and planning had a much worse impact on my sibling. Dont let that be your legacy.

Exactly! These things can be so messy!

If your will leaves your house to your Dc in trust with your DH able to remain there until death, care home or cohabiting/remarrying, then he cannot leave it to anyone in a will as it’s not his. So he can’t be forced to do so by a scheming second wife!
Surely when you drew up the Will you currently claim to have your solicitor would have discussed all these scenarios with you?

My husband's ex did this with her partner. In the end, he became ill (terminal cancer) and she had him placed in respite and then refused to have him back in the house.

He died just after the respite period ended.

Knowing all this, why did you decide to get married, rather than simply living together in a committed, long-tem partnership?

Love and/or religious faith are all very well, but in the cold light of day, the only thing that materially changes on marriage is your legal and financial relationship to one another, which seems to be the thing you are actively trying to unwind.

I think it might have been easier to get useful responses if you had led with the scenario you're worried about in your op.

Basically:
If you die, your dc would not live with your husband, they would live with their father who is much poorer than you and wouldn't be able to keep them in the style to which they are accustomed.

You want to prevent them experiencing the double whammy of losing their mother and their lifestyle, so you want them to inherit your house. Your intention would be that the house be sold in order to provide a new house for your dc and their father (or pay for school fees, or allow your ex to work less in order to care for dcs, or whatever the financial concern is).

That seems much more reasonable that potentially making your elderly husband of many years homeless in the future. As long as your husband is aware of this, and you say he is and also in full agreement, then making up a will to this affect with the help of a decent solicitor, and your dh making his own plans to mitigate any hardship to himself should this scenario come to pass (unlikely hopefully) is reasonable and sensible.

Sounds like he'd have a decent case ti challenge the will. If he's paying the mortgage the house isn't solely yours no matter who is on the deeds. Plus he shouldn't be worse off by your death than he would be upon divorce. You need to see a lawyer and get a will drawn up that both protects him and also passes on your share to your kids. Otherwise you're setting things up for a bitter and expensive dispute between them which I'm sure you don't want.

It’s a fair point and I would never have (or would again) marry anyone except him as I have known him so long and (despite some posters feelings!) trust him as much as you can trust anyone.

Not terribly helpful I know, but there's no world in which i would have married him if I were you. It sounds like there's enough income for you to each provide a home of your own (even if you cohabit and rent one out) to each be provided for in the event of a split/death without risking your kids' inheritance.

The other thing I can't understand is people talking about your kids being cared for by him if anything happens to you when you've said they have a father who would be prepared (and presumably expect/want) to do that.

I misjudged the level of detail needed! Thank you.

I have only read the OP, not the full thread, so apologies if this repeats previous responses.

Contrary to what some on here seem to think, being married does not affect the ownership of your property. It is still 100% yours. However, he has a claim on your property if you divorce.

You can put whatever you want in your will. However, if you don't make adequate provision for him he can challenge your will under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975. In broad terms, he would be entitled to as much as he would have received if the marriage had ended in divorce.

One option you could consider is leaving him a life interest in the house with it passing to your children when you die. That would allow him to carry on living in the house and would not prevent him moving to another property. It would guarantee that your children will ultimately inherit whatever he does after you die. However, that will not work if the house is your only significant asset.

You need to consult a solicitor.

Completely fair and I did consider this but marriage was really important to him.

Inheritance Act 1975. My mum died leaving her estate, including the house which she bought outright after divorcing my dad, to my sister and I. Our step father was excluded. He was a gambler and she didn’t want him to gamble her house away. Long story short, he contested the Will and after a year and about £10K in legal fees, he was awarded more than a third of the value of her estate. Beware!

So if you want the kids to have the house & he agrees, even though he pays towards the mortgage, he is surely making plans now whilst he earns well to house himself in the future if necessary?

As long as you have a will and it was made after you married then yes you can leave it to your children. You may want to give your husband a set amount of time that he can live in the house after your death. You also really need to talk it over with your husband so he knows what’s in the will.

My DH and I are currently considering changing the house to tenants in common so that we can each leave our halves to the kids, with a lifetime interest to allow the remaining spouse to stay living in the house until certain conditions are met. That way the house is protected for the kids even if one of us later remarries.

Yes, if he is aware and in agreement it would make sense for him to invest in a property of his own now. Can rent it out but it avoids a situation where it's harder for him to get a mortgage/rent in future.

Yes, we have discussed this.

You could release some equity in your house (reflecting rent payments) to add to deposit for his own property and in exchange he relinquishes any rights over your house ?

He's paying half the mortgage! I hope you've told him your intentions

Its not quite that simple, OPs DH already has a legal claim on a beneficial interest in the property, as it is a marital asset.

The best way forward is to get DH formally put on the title, as tenants in common. The OP then leaves her share to him in an IPDI held in trust for the children.

At the same time, they draw up mutual wills with the children as the final beneficiaries in both cases - whichever party dies first has the effect of setting in stone the terms of the remaining mutual will, which cannot then be revoked or voided, even by re-marriage.

Therefore both the surviving partner and the children are protected as to their inheritance, and no re-marriage can impact that.

That is a common scenario. It happens all the time when people who already have children remarry in later life.

Poor man, he could be left homeless when elderly.

The OP has clarified multiple times that she’s talking about if she dies before her children are adults.

Of course it was. Marriage is very important if you are reaching retirement age with no home to your name.

Watching what happened in my friends family, there is no way I would marry again if something happened to DH. My friend could understand that her Dad wanted his new wife looked after, she never forgave him for allowing a situation whereby her children (who he had only known as adults and didn’t particularly have a relationship with) then inherited everything.

Don’t rely on people saying they will do the right thing. Make it watertight for your kids.

Is he going to be left anything at all in the event of your death? What about pensions, savings, investments etc.?