Kids excluded from free trip

[AbiGabi]

Some of the kids at my dc’s school were selected to be allowed to go on an outward bound/activity trip where they had a great time staying in huts, having campfires, petting animals and doing some exciting and amusing team activities and sport.

The activity was free, and it wasn’t advertised to all parents in the year - only those who had been picked.

I only found out about it when I saw the school newsletter saying what a truly fabulous time the kids had had, and about 3 pages of photos showing them all havi nt fun. The school newsletter then banged on about how amazing it was that the school was to be able to provide this trip totally free to the kids who went, because the outward bound centre provided facilities for free so the school only had to pay for food and the coach to transport all the kids. Coaches are NOT cheap!

last month the school came begging for contributions to buy classroom equipment and I gave the school £50 not realising they were spaffing money on trips my dc wasn’t invited to!

Aibu to feel this is sharp practice by the school and unfair?

I think you might have been had here. Most schools do the AT trip to reward good behaviour…as parents we still had to pay!

That's been happening for years, I started teaching in 1970 and even then it was usual for the trouble makers to get day trips out while the well behaved stayed in school and all the children knew about it. They used to complain, They get to go canoeing as a reward for being badly behaved and we get to stay in lessons for behaving ourselves. I've always hoped that the time spent in lessons allowed them to have a successful future.

Sorry just posting to say I love your user name 🤣🤣

That’s a bit of a contradiction considering you just flipped your lid at children of different circumstances (although you can say what) getting an opportunity your kids didn’t. Yet ‘why shouldn’t rich SEN kids pay.’ Which is it? Why do you think your kid should be included in a free trip that you have the money for but others shouldn’t?

It’s not objectively fair but neither is life. Your child might get picked next time. Everyone has to learn to cope with disappointment.

Incorrect..it happened at my kids school as well

Years ago I remember a woman in work getting angry because she found out the NHS funds people with chronic illnesses like diabetes 1 and epilepsy. She felt she was being cheated because no one in her immediate family needed expensive care. She had a point, I suppose, but most of us feel it is worthwhile us all chipping in to support each other in case we fall on hard times ourselves.

I work in a secondary school in an area of high deprivation. Some of the pupils get frustrated when the “bad kids” get food or trips or “treats” that they don’t get. We can’t and wouldn’t tell them the circumstances that leads to these things as it’s confidential and often very personal. We support young people that are young carers, care experienced, have lost parents and/or siblings, have fled war, have parents with drug or alcohol addiction and many other ACEs. Yet others only see that some kids get “extra”. I promise, missing out on a trip to the bowling alley or a residential is significantly better than experiencing what these young people have experienced. There is a reason but it is often private.

But this isn’t about children or families not being ashamed of being poor, it’s about you being pissed off that some other children got to have something for free and your child didn’t. Now it’s been pointed out that these children were most likely PP/ young carers/ SEND you have tried to turn it around.

My daughter was recently invited to an after school club on Wednesdays just an hour after school.
only 7 kids going to it. When I picked her up I noticed all the other kids were two sets of siblings. One from a family who don’t treat their lice and wash their clothes and the others from a mum and all her kids have different dads and she constantly has a new boyfriend.

I was kind of insulted my child does well at school and is always clean and presentable I was 15 when I was pregnant with her so I think that might be why she was invited can’t think of another reason. Kind of insulted but she’s enjoying the club so ill leave it.

Are you sure that this wasn't a trip for kids whose parents couldn't afford it and that's why your child wasn't invited?

Yes but you’ve got to accept that one of the downsides of keeping it private is that people will think you’re giving these kids unfair preferential treatment. Often when it’s the bad kids who are getting the special treatment it is especially damaging for class morale. The class bully gets to go to Alton towers, well I’ll start bullying because Alton towers looks good etc

YABU to condemn the school without knowing:

a) how the children were selected (it could have been child carers, PP, names out of a hat)

b) understanding where the funds they used came from (within travel budget)

c) knowing how many other parents donate and how much. You aren't the sole funder.

I hope your DC did not feel your anguish.

1 thing though, the school shouldn't have done a huge piece about it, that was not in good taste. But then you would have found out another way and then been upset that they hid it all...

If it’s funded by Pupil Premium (which is likely), the school wouldn’t be transparent about it. That’s more or less labelling those kids ‘disadvantaged’. It’s not anyone else’s business!

“Pupil premium funding is allocated to eligible schools based on the number of:

• pupils who are recorded as eligible for free school meals, or have been recorded as eligible in the past 6 years (referred to as Ever 6 FSM)
• children previously looked after by a local authority or other state care, including children adopted from state care or equivalent from outside England and Wales”

Is it the Harry Styles concert by any chance? If so I can understand why you would be irked that not all children were given the chance to enter!

Because living with a disability is shit and no amount of money makes up for that??
I do think a contribution to the coach cost should have been asked though! It’s unreasonable for school to ask for money one month then splash out on something the next month that only benefits a few.

I understand that the spending may have been ring fenced for a specific group of children, however, schools need to be sensitive in terms of how this appears to other pupils. The way funds are allocated isn't always as fair as it might appear, for example post code allocations means that some children who are not disadvantaged by any measure but who happen to fall into the postcode may be included, similarly where there separated parents the way this is worked out may mean that a child falls under the ring fenced grant or whatever but they are very well off. Therefore I think schools need to be mindful as to how they handle trips if they are only for a few. I think there does need to be some transparency as there are many families who are just above the cut off who are struggling more than those who might benefit if that was how the allocation of places was made.

The children may be pupil premium or have EHCPs so funding would be covered in this case. You should be able to ask and find out though. Unfortunately being inclusive of some means others will be left out. Most families that aren’t eligible for free school meals struggle and don’t quite meet criteria. Holiday clubs and YMCA in my area are now only for free school meal pupils which equally isn’t very fair for parents who need childcare to go to work to earn a wage which is low but just over the threshold which doesn’t give them eligibility for anything.

Why should rich Sen kids get to go”
uhm……would you prefer your kids had Sen?

Out school does this once a year. A very kind local charity funds it for children who have had a particularly hard time that year, parent/sibling loss etc. so maybe if your child wasn’t chosen be grateful

They probably think that grown ups generally understand that it is likely due to certain circumstances which they will be very grateful doesn't apply to their child and are also able to explain that to their child.

DS then 11 went to Jamie's Farm, only a handful of students went and the ones who it was believed would benefit most were selected.

OP clearly thinks only their lived experience is valid and their DC is less privileged than "rich SEN kids".

Is it your first time on Earth? Telling people they're mean doesn't change their behaviour - if anything, they are then worse towards The Poor Kid because the teacher has confirmed their lesser socioeconomic status and told them off about it. And we'd have MN threads about why the OP is barely scraping by on £172,000 a year whilst the feckless offspring of the feckless woman gets to go off on a jolly - with plenty of posters queuing up to put their very expensive boots in for good measure (and a side quest of disadvantaged/pupil premium including refugee children and the accompanying anti immigration rant)

I would never, ever want any child to be on the end of that. So no, disclosing information about another person's financial situation 'Be kind, she's Poor' is not appropriate in the slightest.

Rewarding bad behaviour sends out the wrong message. Thats the problem with this. The well behaved kids will see it and wonder why they bother.
Chuck a chair at a teacher and get a trip to Alton towers