to think (hope) that not all MILs are b***es or pias....

[Pheebe]

I have 2 boys and am dreading it to be honest, judging from some of the threads on mn many many DILs are the selfish bitches...

I'll leave it there as I'm interested in others views so won't rant...just yet...

I'm also very scared of being a future MIL as a mother of two DS's.

I'm being v.nice to my MIL in the hope that the Gods will look favourably upon me.

I don't think I'm very nice about my MIl on here
But to her face I am politeness personified and I hope she doesn't realise how much she gets on my t**ts
It is just such a tricky relationship, a tale as old as time as it were.
The biggest problem is people expecting to be best buddies with their MILs and vice versa, I know some people manage it but it is not natural!

I like my MIL. She has her moments, but then so do I

My MIL would also give anything for my sons. As such, I've got to love her!

I also have 2 boys, and have a less than perfect relationship with my MIL.

Am not going to go into details here, but I hope to god I am a better MIL to my son's partners than she ever has been to me/us.

If that makes me a selfish bitch, then I'll hold my hands up.

My MIL is great. We have had our disagreements before me and DH were married but for the last 4 years we have got on really well. I consider her a good friend and she is very appreciative of me too!!

is alpha female syndrome that is quite hard to explain the primaevilness of it al until your kids are older

people deal with this is different ways.

of course until my sons are in a long term relationship - i am the alpha female - but a canny alpha female will know to be friends with potential DIL material - because GF's and DILs give blow jobs and have sex.

a good MIL will support her child and watch them fall as adults - getting into bad relationships etc.

but if youwat to keep your children close to you as adults - the worse way of going about it is to scratch the eyes out of GFs and potential DILs

no matter how irksome they can be.

My mil was the best! Also hate the mil bashing on here (have 3 dss)

i love my mil. i'd rather her over my mum anyday! also dreading ds getting married though, i know i'll be the mil from hell

i shall make underhand comments about her cooking/parenting/dress sense and go on about his fabulous model/un ambassador/artist/nobel prize winning ex, who still wasn't good enough for my little prince. its the circle of life!

I get on fine with my mil (now I have children that is!).

I do read threads about mils with sympathy though, I'm sure some are horrible just as some are nice. I am equally sure that some dil are horrible. It is just that they don't post here so much.

Yes but then if you are a cow, you won't get to see your DS or GCs as often as you might like!

What amazes me on MN is not the number of selfish DILs but the number of mothers expecting to be as full a part of their DCs life as if their DCs were still children.

And then getting p*ssed off if their DCs might say, "No thanks, I'd like to have some time as adult with my kids, please! You're not a mum to small kids any more, Mum."

The trick is to take your daughter in laws side, don't be precious about your boys and be damn nice to you DIL. My MIL talked highly of my dh's last girlfriend when we first met as well as my FIL discussing things that were both crude and racist!

I love my MIL, she irritates me sometimes but then I'm sure I irritate her as well.

It does help that she raised her sons to be independent so she and they don't need to be in each other's pockets all the time but we do see her regularly.

My OH feels the same way about his MIL It's horse for courses really. I don't feel threatened by either parent so we have a good relationship with them.

I have a lovely MIL! We get on well, but as DIL/MIL not as best friends. I respect her and I think she respects me.

I don't have kids yet, but having seen her with her other DIL and kids, I think she has the right balance of leaving decisions to mum 'well darling, ask mummy if you can have a sweetie' and doing grandmotherly spoiling.

Many MILs feel threatened by their DILs, I think mine expected me to think of her as a mother and I don't, his ex gf (when he was 20) called her Mum. With a variety of things that have happened I really can't stand my PIL and we rarely see them.

My MIL has been horrid to me and DH but I don't hate her and she has always seen the kids etc and visits regularly. I also have DSs and would never try to dominate them like MIL did (she has given up now on the whole). It is simplistic to just blame DIL. Some MIL are truly awful, like mine has been.

My MIL is lovely. Helps when I want her to, keeps out of it when I don't and keeps her opinions to herself unless specifically asked. I shall model myself on her and be the perfect MIL when my sons marry.

I do believe if you are secure in yourself as a person and you have a good and healthy relationship with your son(s) you should be fine.

Its if you suffer irrational jealousy and possessivenes and then allow your behaviour to be affected by it that the bad MIL is manifested.

I do think that most bad MIL behaviour can be reduced down to simple motivations and if you can tackle those - then you're half way to a compromise.

You know what is bad behaviour and what is unreasonable and what is emotionally blackmailing. Chances are, if you don't do that kind of shit now, you won't then. But if you do that kind of thing now, you'll probably keep doing it. Positive thought.

My MIL is lovely to me and loves me for loving her son and tells him how lucky he is. A far cry from some mothers who think nobody is good enough for their precious boy.

I think the main thing with my MIL is that she would never dream of interfering in anything that goes on between us. In fact, I think that is a lot to do with the fact that DH would never go running to her moaning about me, so that's very important too. I made the mistake of telling my mum when we hit a rocky patch in our marriage and although I've moved on, she hasn't!

My mother is a bit of a handful. Far too earnest and quite frankly, a bit odd sometimes. It's DH who has the problems, not me!

Custy is very wise, as always. The MIL-bashing does worry me, as the mother of a ds. Clearly there are some awful MILs but there is also lot of casual resentment that seems to be clearly unjustified from the poster's own words. It's worrying that there are so many who can't see the difference (I mean people who start threads about their MILs and are being unreasonable.)

I have been guilty of resenting my MIL for making what seemed to be unreasonable demands on our time and attention... but since having ds I hope I'm much more understanding! And I certainly plan on trying to make friends with any future DILs. If they are ever pains in the bum I will try to remind myself that they love ds too...

My MIL and I are really close, and I probably see her more than my own mum!

My MIL rarely contacts her son but when she does she is full of emotional blackmail rubbish like, I think about you everyday, I love and miss you so much.....etc. If his were so true why doesn't she phone more often?