to think (hope) that not all MILs are b***es or pias....

[Pheebe]

I have 2 boys and am dreading it to be honest, judging from some of the threads on mn many many DILs are the selfish bitches...

I'll leave it there as I'm interested in others views so won't rant...just yet...

My mils fab, she drove me to distraction when we lived there for a year but now she's ace, a truly cool, generous and helpfull mil and a wicked grandparent who dd adores.

Not all mother in laws are bitches.

Another one in the I Love My MIL club here, she's absolutely brilliant and a woman worthy of much respect.

Wow, what a fab discussion you all seem to have had, sorry I had to go to work .

Not sure who it was posted it but the alpha female issue seems to me to hit the nail right on the head. The eternal power struggle!

My MIL is great, she annoys me sometimes, as she does DH but I'm sure the reverse is true and I would never dream of being rude or disresepctful to her.

Of course there are bad MILs just as there are bad DILs. What upsets me is the number of threads that seem to appear slating MILs for wanting to be involved and wanting to enjoy and interact not only with their grown up children but also with the grandchildren. One recent thread slated the MIL for showing the DC off at family gatherings and wanting to feed him. This seems perfectly normal to me, I mean mum gets to see the dcs every day. Surely we can spare nannies a little of our dcs time.

I have been guilty of being a selfish DIL at times especailly with DS1 who I waited so long for that I resented any time away from him. Now with DS2 I'm much more relaxed and I can see the real joy and pleasure simple little things like letting nannie (MIL of Mum) feed the baby, change a nappy or just cuddle bring and I feel much happier sharing them both and seeing the love blossom. Now DS1 is 3 I can see just how much he loves all his grandparents, he doesn't care who's parents they are (mmuny or daddies) so why should I.

I appreciate some relationships just don't work but it saddens me to hear the automatic MIL bashing that goes on. Nannies are precious and I dread the day when we don't have ours here any longer.

I got on well with mine for the 10 years before we had LO. Upon being pregnant and after dd was born I felt she was very critical of me (and my putting on weight!) but still don't know if she was a cow or I was a hormonal over protective new mum...... BuT it upset my dh so much to have us bicker..... and they are generally good grandparents on the whole....SO I feel as adults we have to make it work. My own childhood was full of adults not speaking to each other (my parents were divorced) and for a child it is crap. That said I do still have moments where she irritates me beyond measure ......

nope mine is the bestest a DIL could wish for. I love her to bits

My DDIL is lovely, couldnt ask for better (she knows just how to keep DS in line)

Some tips if you want to get on with future DIL's:

Don't let yourself into their house with the spare key and start rearranging furniture and making long distance phone calls

Don't open their bank statements

Don't slag off their mums

Don't constantly pick holes in their appearance and criticise their weight (preferably at all, but definitely not in front of other family members)

Don't refuse to let them kiss their own child goodbye when babysitting 'cos 'it'll only upset them more.'

Don't phone your son at work to bitch about your DIL if you have a disagreement

Don't volunteer to help with childcare and then constantly make DIL feel as if she owes you one cos it's such a chore

I speak from experience and a DIL's point of view and I'm afraid if having read that people think I'm being a cow for not being able to stand my MIL then tough luck!

Stopped speaking to my MIL 6 months ago. Very upsetting for DH but I don't feel I have to tolerate her constant judgement and disapproval. It was fairly bad in the run up to our wedding (tried to take control of all details - even attempting to bully me into having a green wedding cake!). And it only intensified when I had our DD. She disliked DDs name, she even disapproved of me using real nappies (unpleasant and bulky) and was constantly insensitive e.g. when I was pregnant "Oh you don't want a little girl. Little girls are whiners" or shrieking that I was 'holding her back' from learning to walk by not having carpets (she was crawling at 8 months and walking at 11.5 so I think she managed OK).

Anyway rant over. My life is better without her in it and DD still goes to see her fairly regularly.

Oh yeah - and MollyCherry's list just reminded me about the final straw - she slagged off my mum.

my mil is lovely and always trys to help, but some of her out dated ideas drive me to distraction i.e. dd2 will grow up having neck problems becasue she sometimes falls asleep in her quinny zapp so i should stop using it and use the cheap second hand plastic buggy that dil bought to go away with!!

dd1 needs cooked meals before nursery such as chicken nuggets and smiley faces, cheese salad sarnies on 50 50 bread isnt enough for her. (i know which id prefer)

dd2 should have been weaned at 3 months 6 months is far too late poor thing will be starved by then! she went on and on about this for ages.

dp is unhelpfull around the house because he is just that way he has always needed looking after (no he has been mollycoddled!!)

i dont look after dp properly as he doesnt have meals on the table when he comes from work (if he ever washed up he would) and i make him eat things like stir fries and pasta when he needs meat and veg and tatties and likes sausage egg and chips and 'proper' things like that!

but despite all this i still manage to realise that her 'advise' is her way of trying to help and over all id say we get on quite well. i certainly dont hate her or dislike her at all. and im sure she likes me despite all my downfalls!!

My MIL had her moments, and used to irritate the hell out of me.

Have to say, when I look back on my behaviour, I can see where both of us were rather silly from time to time. We did however get on very well most of the time, once I grew up a bit, and she realised I loved her boy.

Unfortunately, she's been been dead for almost 10 years, and I quite miss her these days, and I think my boys miss out on having a grandma (my own mother died a month before my MIL). They were BOTH a major part of our family.

I find the MIL bashing on here quite tiresome, notwithstanding the fact that some MILs, like some DILs, can be poisonous.

My mil is fabulous, and I really look forward to having a few dil's one day to be friends with (fingers crossed that 1. there will be at least a couple and 2. they'll be half pleasant )

I'm gonna state the obvious. Some MILs are great, some are terrible. I think it's more to do with the individual rather than their role as mother in law.

Mine was truly horrid to me at one stage (and I swear it was unprovoked by me!), but DH stood up for me. They had a rocky relationship prior to our relationship... but then she had ishoos with a number of people, not just her DIL ;) Thankfully we see eye to eye now, and I'm the one who makes sure that she gets birthday/Xmas/mothers day cards.