My children’s father is resident parent due to me having significant mental health struggles that began during my first pregnancy.
Over the past few years, there’s been times we have been in a relationship which has meant that although the is the resident parent, I was staying at his/the children’s property, which meant during these times the parenting was mote equal, instead of resident/non resident parent.
We have recently broken up for good. Since breaking up he will not allow me to see the children on my own.
When I was very unwell there was an agreement that I would see the children with him or my parents but I have been seeing the children on my own for nearly a year.
He is now saying I can only see the children with him ‘sitting next to me watching and supervising’ or if ‘my parents confirm that they are supervising me’ - these are his words.
I don’t want to see the children with him. He’s been abusive over the years, he’s a lot older than me and I now understand a 40 year old being interested in a 22 year old (I was 22 when we met) was a red flag.
My parents are busy and don’t have the time to ‘supervise’ me with the children regularly.
Going back to court is not an option due to my previous mental health struggles, I will never ‘win’ against him because he’s not got anything adverse on his medical record and he’s financially very comfortable which means he can afford the best legal representation.
He thinks because I am the non-resident parent I should sit at home, wait for his call and be where he says within an hour.
He won’t make a schedule that works for the children, him and myself. If he knows I’ve made a plan to go out (which doesn’t happen often) he will make sure the day he offers for me to see them is the day I’ve made plans.
He gives me bags of washing (often with dried in poo, food, sick that’s going mouldy) and expects it washed and ironed in a day.
If I say anything I’m told I’m the non-resident parent and my priority should be to help him and look after the children when he needs to work (although he now won’t let me look after them on my own since we broke up).
I feel like to be a mum I lose my identity and devote my life to waiting for his calls in the hope he lets me see them OR I have my identity but I don’t get to see my children.
He constantly brings up my mental health and says I desperately need help (I’ve been receiving help from mental health services for a couple of years) and takes the mick out of me because I’ve got such a ‘long list of medical problems’ as pregnancy and childbirth did a number on me.
He’s said my body is horrible, that I have aged badly and look old, that he’s embarrassed to be seen with me as I’m so unattractive. It’s really getting to me.
I just wanted to get this off my chest.