NAMALT. Really? Dig deep and be honest with yourself. AMALT

[NoEggs]

I love my DH. He’s a great guy and we’ve been happy for many years.

But
He’s not perfect. Doesn’t do the laundry. Defaults to letting me make stuff happen etc. etc.

Now even if your partner is a paragon I would argue that the species ‘men’ will generally default to slightly bloody useless.

AIBU?

In Italy a couple of years ago (a country not known for enlightened attitudes to equality of the sexes) I saw a man behind the counter of a L’Occitane shop and a woman coach driver chucking suitcases into the luggage compartment of said coach.

I'm glad your husband & friend's husband were able to help but I think it's a bit of a generalisation to say that in most families children value their dad's advice more because mums are too emotional to give good advice.

Certainly I've always valued my mother's advice: I don't think I'm alone...

That’s not what I meant. Of course women give good advice I just think having more than one perspective is good.

I understand.

On the issue of bullying,I'm sorry that happened to your DD. I can see the value of saying 'you can only be upset if you allow yourself to be' and I understand schools often don't deal with bullying properly. But otoh, you'd hope if an adult were bullied at work they would not have to put up with it except as a last resort (though again often it's not properly managed at work ofc).
I suppose I'm just unsure if 'you can only be upset by bullying if you allow yourself to be' is necessarily the ideal message. If an adult were bullied at work etc they wouldn't necessarily be weak or not properly in control if they were upset.

TBF to @exhaustDAD, he's not the first and he won't be the last self pitying man to lay bare his whinging victimhood status to the women on Mumsnet. And he's not the only one.

The place is crawling with them. As I've recently discovered.😒

Oops, meant to quote this^^ in my last post.

I am sorry, what exactly did I do? Did I miss something? Did the supressed neanderthal side of my psyche surface like mr.Hyde does for dr Jekyll, while I wasn't paying attention, and started systematically oppress women around me? Oops, apologies. Nobody's perfect, i guess. I am after all just a lowly man.

Who is pitying themselves? whinging victimhood? I am sorry, the choice of this phrase is the joke of the week. Have you looked around the thread? Might want to take a closer look who loves shuffling the victimhood card every step of the way... you must be confusing me with literally everyone else who think of themselves as superior to others.

You miss the point @exhaustDAD. That those who are dead-set on one entire group of people being inferior to them.. and have been since history began are men.

Maybe because you think its all about you? I mean WTF is that Jekyll and Hyde stuff all about? And I have no idea what your neanderthal reference is alluding to. You know that women were neanderthal too, right?🤨

you must be confusing me with literally everyone else who think of themselves as superior to others.

Not at all. I know you're a man.🤷‍♀️

Ok. The fact that you did not understand how things were meant is not a problem @TooBigForMyBoots, but it is about you more, than me. So far, it got 27 reactions (support, love and agree mix), most of those being women, pretty sure they understood.

Translation, then:

"those who are dead-set on one entire group of people being inferior to them"

• Those who are dead-set: Everyone in this group who just flat-out think that women are superior to men, just because they themselves are women.
• entire group of people: the entire group of men
• inferior to them: inferior to women

"you must be confusing me with literally everyone else who think of themselves as superior to others."
You said I use whinging victimhood. Yeah, because I am the one relying on how women were treated in the past, by men in the past, by cultures and societies of the past. I am the one hiding behind ideals and pointing fingers at patriarchy. I personally am still waiting all the benefits daddy patriarchy would hand me, because so far, it is not reflected in my life. Oh, in case this was hard to understand - It was sarcasm. What I am saying only is that we are more similar than different and we are all flawed in different ways. Your argument is being superior. How you can see that a winning argument is baffling, to say the least.

I am still waiting for anyone to be able to list me all the unearned advantages your sons have compared to your daughters in terms of education, career opportunities or owning wealth, and general freedom. Not compared to your great-great-great-great grandmother, not compared to a kid in south Korea. Your daughter compared to your son. And I don't mean hypotheticals like being able to walk alone at night, all that systematic oppression stuff I've read so much about.

@exhaustDAD
I am a bloke who also sometimes reads MN, because there's a lot of interesting stuff on here. But don't you think if women want to vent about men to other women, this is the one place you should just let them get on with it?

This is actually a very fair point @Underthinker . You are right, should've just scrolled past is. I guess I have such a hatred towards claiming superiority of any kind, that it made me stop and chime in. Shouldn't have.
Actually, I'll just move along, not responding to things here.

Did you realise that all the inventions have been by men... Because women have had no rights to education and opportunity for the past millennia?

So much about this post I don't understand. Are you not able yourself to phone builders and get quotes? If you are off work, can you not project manage the building work? Apologies if your illness precludes both of those.
If you're married, why does he have to find the money? Is there not 'the money'?
Surely you can ring the water company? Yes I know if the burst is on your property it's your problem.
If your husband was working away for a few months. what would you do?

Actually not so. Look up the Matilda Effect. I'd not heard of it till this morning but Watson and Crick are a perfect example.

Nah - you married a lazy guy. I didn’t. He does all the mornings, after school runs, weekend drives so I could have a career after maternity. I travel a lot. Does most of the cooking In the week, helps with housework. I would say it’s a pretty even split with us, sometimes it slightly tips depending on what we have on.

Saying “nearly every important thing has been invented by men” is simply ignorance.

As @Sustainbrain points out for centuries women were excluded from universities, scientific institutions, funding, and patents. Despite those barriers, women still invented and discovered things that changed the world.

Examples include Ada Lovelace (the first published computer algorithm), Hedy Lamarr (technology that underpins Wi-Fi, Bluetooth and GPS), Stephanie Kwolek (Kevlar), Josephine Cochrane (the dishwasher), Mary Anderson (windshield wipers), Grace Hopper (the first computer compiler), and Marie Van Brittan Brown (the home security system).

There are also cases where women’s work was credited to men, such as Rosalind Franklin’s crucial role in the discovery of DNA’s structure, Jocelyn Bell Burnell’s discovery of pulsars, and Lise Meitner’s work on nuclear fission.

And even if some inventions were made by men, that doesn’t mean men today get a lifetime exemption from housework or childcare. The achievements of a few individuals don’t justify unequal expectations for everyone else — partnership means sharing responsibilities.

Your hatred shows.

Strange it presents as your reaction to women discussing the well known and documented phenomenon of men not pulling their weight at home on the internet, rather than addressing the real life, systemic sexism and misogyny.

From the gender pay gap to the division of domestic labour. From the rates of domestic violence to the Taliban. Rates of sexual harassment, abuse and rape. From those who threaten women on the internet, those who buy women and those who use them to stroke their ego via mansplaining. Not to mention the pervy Sex Topic blokes.🤮

Or the femicide rates.😢

No, your presentation of hatred of superiority presents on a thread where a woman is complaining about a common disparity in relationships.🤔

I am still waiting for anyone to be able to list me all the unearned advantages your sons have compared to your daughters in terms of education, career opportunities or owning wealth, and general freedom. Not compared to your great-great-great-great grandmother, not compared to a kid in south Korea. Your daughter compared to your son. And I don't mean hypotheticals like being able to walk alone at night, all that systematic oppression stuff I've read so much about.

You have been given examples @exhaustDAD.

But I'm assuming you don't live in Afghanistan? If not then you're no more impacted by the Taliban than the above male poster is by male children being recruited as soldiers in the Congo.

Claiming victimhood vicariously is a little ridiculous when you're almost certainly far more privileged than the men living alongside the women whose oppression you're appropriating.

And tbf if we're going to talk about men not pulling their weight at home (which many don't I'll admit) then what about who shoulders the financial burden?

If you have a middle aged couple and only one of them works full time (or at all) what is the likely sex of the one who doesn't work? 🤔 We all know the answer. All the talk of 'mental load' on here is ridiculous. What's more stressful between managing a company/team and managing a trip to Tesco/writing the xmas cards?

I think that whether or not we're oppressed it's clear that as a sex we're nowhere near as good at sucking it up and getting on with it.

No. Not historical events, not big generalisations of different idealisms. Not anecdotes and "what ifs".
Concrete examples of what advantages your son today, in 2026 and the following years living in a modern, civilised part of the world has compared to your daughter in terms of education, career opportunities, owning wealth, or general freedom? What is she not allowed to do or have that he is?

Look it up @exhaustDAD, the stats are not hard to find, indeed you have been given enough of them on this thread.

Nobody is denying when someone is being hurt. Nobody says violence is not real. Absolutely nobody is denying the horrible things that happen in the world. But you aggressively attack me with these things like I am personally am taking part, or are at least responsible for not stopping these things. On that front, I am doing as much as you, I presume - We both say what's on our mind, and then switch our laptops off, and walk to our comfortable king/queen sizes beds and sleep comfortably in our heated home.

My angle is close to what @GaIadriel above touched on: I am trying to engage in conversation where it could have at least a minimal step towards the right direction - to work together, collectively instead of maintaining a divide. Holding up an issue that is so far removed from us, to use it as an argument for my own victimhood is not exactly a good plan. Because, let's face it, drawing the line with a strong sense of superiority by virtue of what you were born as - that will have no positive impact on anything, no change or development of the very thing you (and a lot others) seem to hate so much. How is that difficult to see. MEN ARE SHIT - applause, and then what? Did that change all the bad in the world?

I have. There are a lot of personal anecdotes and experiences, arguments over patriarchy and historical events, discussions about which sex is leaning towards what kind of jobs, etc. The closest thing relevant to the question was maybe the short discussion of how it's believed that boys are being raised not to cry, and girls are being raised to be softer and kinder. But that is not really a fact, either, because it is far from a standard practice everyone's kids endure. There is nothing on what a boy today has on a girl. Nothing that is not rooted in anecdotes, guesses and hypotheticals. A boy and a girl today, in the UK have the very same opportunities ahead of them. Later in life they can both become teachers, doctors, managers, business owners, both own credit cards and buy properties, both have passports to travel and see the world. This was not the case a mere 50 years ago, it is true, but it is the reality today.

But you aggressively attack me...

No I don't ya melt.🙈
Aggresively attacked? Because I had the temerity to argue with you and back my arguements with facts and statistics?

Catch yerself on.😆😆😆