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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask this without expecting a backlash?

284 replies

Fleurflowering · 03/03/2026 22:14

I know that people will accuse me of being goady etc, but I would like to ask these questions without a tirade of hate being posted at me. I'm genuinely ignorant about this and want to understand it better.

I was born in 1978. When I was at school, there was a flicker of a mention of autism, but it didn't seem to be commonplace.

Did children have autism? Did ADHD exist then? Or are these new problems and why have they arisen?

Every school class seems to have children with SEND - autism being very common. But, when I was at school, there were "Remedial" classes, but behaviour was nowhere near as bad as it seems to be nowadays and teachers didn't need to differentiate lessons like they have to now. I hear so many people saying that their kids are on the spectrum, or that they themselves have autism.

I also don't remember any school refusers. Is this a new mental health symptom, or are children more autonomous and possibly less resilient nowadays?

I know I'll be flamed, but I'm not denying these conditions exist. I'm trying to learn whether they are new or not.

OP posts:
Teenthree · 04/03/2026 02:32

What do you think of Magnus Pike and Sir Patrick Moore, and John McCririck? And Mary Woodhouse, and (possibly) Margaret Thacher?

All as ASD as you like I reckon, not one with a diagnosis. They were just posh and eccentric.

As for school refusal it was called “bunking off” in my day and there was plenty of that.

HildegardP · 04/03/2026 02:32

MyTrivia · 04/03/2026 02:23

Autistic children need screen time - they learn from it. This is something that is accepted now by the autism community.

So it’s likely that autistic children will gravitate towards it because they use it to understand the world around them.

But saying that screen time will turn a NT brain into an autistic brain is utter rubbish.

Show quote history

Please don't speak of "the autism community" as if we are some kind of invariant monolith. I am yet to hear anything from my supposed "community" that doesn't make me either want to run like hell away from them (I do maintain a healthy distance) or PML.

MyTrivia · 04/03/2026 02:33

jackdunnock · 04/03/2026 02:29

As I sometimes say: everyone is on the spectrum. I just think the boundary between what was considered 'normal' and what was labelled as some kind of condition has moved significantly. Back along, autistic meant Rain Man like, nowadays it's mode widely recognised with much milder symptoms.

My uncle was almost certainly autistic, but was never diagnosed because it just wouldn't have been recognised back then. And if it had been, he'd have been bundled away to a facility. So my grandmother would never even consider that he had issues, despite it being perfectly clear that he would never be able to live independently.

More recently my friend's ds (currently teenage) has been diagnosed as autistic since about age 6. He certainly had some nd behaviours at primary age, but these days he's completely grown out of those and most of his issues appear to be behavioural than anything else. He's certainly way more sociably competent than I was as a teenager (and I don't consider myself to be nd). There's no shyness, awkwardness or lack of self confidence that many autistic people display. I genuinely doubt he'd get newly diagnosed as autistic if he were assessed today. But he has the label for life, for good or bad.

His younger sibling is awaiting diagnosis for ADHD. His issues are much more pronounced, and escalating as he approaches his teenage years. But again, I think a lot of it is diet and behaviour led - he's regularly pumped full of Coca-Cola and sugary sweets (right before meal time too, but his inability to then sit at the table and consume a proper meal is put down to adhd). They both talk to and about people in a deliberately horrible way (proven since they can also be really nice and polite when it's in their interests to do so), but they're never called out on it or disciplined for their words or actions ("it's because of his autism" or "I need to pick my battles with him").

I do think autism is very over diagnosed these days. I think a lot of parents push for a diagnosis for any kind behaviour that seems a bit off - they want something that explains why their DC is doing (or not doing) something they can't fully understand. And I think a lot of people grow right out of the childhood autistic traits in adulthood. Some people will say it's because they've learnt to mask their symptoms, which is likely true of some genuinely autistic adults. But is also overused as an explanation for people who were never really autistic in the first place.

It's also overused to excuse bad behaviour (autistic or not). At my DC's secondary school there are a lot of kids with Nd, learning difficulties and behavioural issues. The school prides itself on taking these kids (cynic in me thinks it's primarily for any extra funding that might come with it), and there are quite high poverty rates around here, so a lot of kids with behavioural issues (many of whom have been given a badge/diagnosis to explain it, rather than being put down to a lack of discipline or poor parenting). But my own dc notice day in day out that these kids get special treatment - completely let off for things that other kids would get in trouble for or if there's an issue between an Nd child and a nt child, the NT child is always the one who takes the rap for it.

We want Nd people to be fully integrated with the rest of society, but I don't think we're preparing them as children for adulthood or independent living properly. It seems all through childhood they're taught that their diagnosis is their excuse. That's not going to cut it as an adult - I expect a lot of young adult offenders had (or would have been given) a diagnosis of being nd as a child. We need to be trying to teach them better self awareness, and responsibility wherever possible.

Sorry, that got really long!

Everyone is not on the spectrum. It really is about time that this nonsensical trope was seen for what it is. Damaging and ableist.

The diagnostic process for autism is complex and requires several practitioners. My 6 year old dd was diagnosed last year and she had 6 different people involved in her assessment and they all had a meeting to discuss whether or not she met the diagnostic criteria.

Anony11 · 04/03/2026 02:35

I think autism and ADHD was definitely around back then but children/adults weren't diagnosed like they are today.

MyTrivia · 04/03/2026 02:38

HildegardP · 04/03/2026 02:32

Please don't speak of "the autism community" as if we are some kind of invariant monolith. I am yet to hear anything from my supposed "community" that doesn't make me either want to run like hell away from them (I do maintain a healthy distance) or PML.

Show quote history

Ok well I speak for myself and everyone I personally know in the autistic community which is a lot.

We get sick of parents being blamed for their child’s condition. A lot of people note that LAs will try to blame parents for their child’s condition so that they don’t have to provide a suitable education.

Zanatdy · 04/03/2026 02:41

I was born in 76 and I can list 5 people from my school who definitely had ADHD / autism, just wasn’t diagnosed then.

kittensinthekitchen · 04/03/2026 02:42

MyTrivia · 04/03/2026 02:33

Everyone is not on the spectrum. It really is about time that this nonsensical trope was seen for what it is. Damaging and ableist.

The diagnostic process for autism is complex and requires several practitioners. My 6 year old dd was diagnosed last year and she had 6 different people involved in her assessment and they all had a meeting to discuss whether or not she met the diagnostic criteria.

Show quote history

I just ordered my diagnosis online from Home Bargains.

I wonder when idiots are going to stop perpetuating the myth that parents ask for diagnosis and it lands in their lap. Almost every family I know with a child with ASD and/or ADHD has gone through hell before even reaching the referral stage.

kittensinthekitchen · 04/03/2026 02:45

And OP, of course you were being fucking goady - as have the many who have come before you. If you genuinely wanted to know if asd was new, seeking opinion on AIBU is far from the first place that would come to mind.
Especially for a "new" poster.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/03/2026 02:57

HoppingPavlova · 04/03/2026 00:00

Half and half really. There were definitely kids that had ASD/ADHD back in my day when these things didn’t formally exist to diagnose. However, it was more ‘clear cut’ back then with people in ‘groups’.

-what was deemed classic autism back in the day, which was extremely obvious and those kids went to ‘special school’. Unfortunately back then special needs were not really differentiated and people didn’t want to understand. Our local ‘special school’ was called ‘Xxx School for the Retarded’ (that was its actual name and I have just identified it for privacy of location’. It had kids with both developmental and physical disabilities. So, for example, kids with cerebral palsy, who were completely capable of learning in a mainstream school were put there, lumped in with kids with classic autism and none of them were really taught anything.

-kids who were just ‘weird’ but not weird enough to be sent to the special school. They tended to be shunned and isolated due to behaviours, and were not given educational support they required, so literally shoved in a corner socially and educationally. Now we would support as ASD.

-kids who were ‘naughty’ or ‘didn’t pay attention’. They tended to just be punished, and often left school illiterate and innumerate, and went on to manual labour jobs. Now we would support as ADHD.

-kids who were quirky, but rubbed along socially (tended to find a similar quirky tribe) and educationally (some excelled, some didn’t), and generally left school to go onto uni or other work. Now we would support as ASD.

I think it’s the last two groups where things have changed. They were always group that just rubbed along at school and then in life to varying degrees. Now every second person is in these groups and society tells them all sorts of things because they are different. If you take people in my profession, looking at people my age, there would be LOTS of folk that would have been diagnosed as ASD if that had of existed when we were kids or even as adults starting a career. Most surgeons and anaesthetists of my generation would definitely have ramped it in. However, people just got in with it. I would say the incidence of people now coming through is the same, but the difference is they all believe they have something wrong with them, and have spent their lives to that point with everyone telling them they can’t just ‘get on with it’ but they need this, that, and the other to survive which has resulted in a self fulfilling prophecy and zero resilience.

The problem is also that the buckets have been screwed up so now everyone has ASD. I have a child who was diagnosed Asperger’s quite a while before it ceased to exist. All of their friends were also. Now they are told they have autism, and society now treats them as special needs. None of them believe it and all will tell you they don’t have autism. It’s not that they believe they are any better or worse than someone who does, just different. We have a close family friend with a (now adult) child with autism who can’t speak intelligibly, has severe behavioural issues, is not toilet trained and had to be institutionalised when old enough. My child doesn’t relate to this at all and does not believe they have the same thing (and yes, even taking the ‘spectrum’ into account). They consider it entirely different and believe it’s like someone putting people with asthma and people with diabetes together and saying ‘now you all have asthma’. I also believe if they had of been told and treated as though they had autism when diagnosed, none of them would now be as they are in life and certainly not doing the jobs they do. They would likely all be sitting in disability, believing they couldn’t do things.

They would likely all be sitting in disability, believing they couldn’t do things.*

Wow. Not sure what ‘sitting in disability’ means. In the past 5 years since my diagnoses, I have gone from permanently unhappy to understanding my condition, embracing it and moving into a field of work that I adore. I also have friends and finally feel like I know who I am.

MermaidMummy06 · 04/03/2026 03:15

Yes. I've come to the realisation I am autistic after having 2DC with autism. It explains a lot as to why I've always struggled to fit in and make friends.

My uncle was labelled an a*hole and he was, really. But hugely successful. It's obvious from his behaviour he is as well. It's obvious DM & DB have ADHD.

People always had it. You were just labelled as something negative. You learned to get on with it. To mask. There was no alternative. It was horrendous but you hide your differences.

83048274j · 04/03/2026 03:24

nolongersurprised · 04/03/2026 02:09

Maybe, but it all ends up as the same diagnosis, doesn’t it? So maybe too early and too much screen exposure has contributed to increased diagnosis rates.

Show quote history

Yes, but one diagnosis may be accurately autism, the other symptoms misdiagnosed. We might need another tool to distinguish autism from children who have just had too much screen time.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/03/2026 03:27

stopthemud · 04/03/2026 02:26

I am 5 years in age and 5 years in Dx behind you. How did your friendship situation change? I have been officially recently Dx with inattentive ADHD awaiting Austism. I have no friends, well one who lives far away. I am going through a patch now where I really feel it. Other times I am completely happy by myself.

Like you, I was always on my own and happy with that.

Once you have the dx, whilst it’s a relief, I found I had to basically learn to understand myself and see why I do xyz.

This has taken the last 5 years or so but because I know more about myself (rather than feeling like the ‘odd’ one), I feel more able to navigate life, friendships etc and it has given me a lot of confidence.

i still don’t ‘need’ people in general on an emotional level but I have a closer relationship with those with whom I ‘click’ as it is like now I know myself better, i let them know the real me (if that makes sense!).

As a direct result, since my ADHD diagnoses as well, I have moved into working within my absolute passion, working with someone who is very similar to me, equally passionate, and ‘gets’ me.And my AuDHD brain is actually an advantage.

This has changed my quality of life, of course there are times that I struggle but I am working with my conditions now and not against them.

sorry, that was long!

feel free to PM me if you want to chat 😊

SweetnsourNZ · 04/03/2026 03:32

Years ago we used to hear the word eccentric to describe neighbours, relatives etc who were a bit different. They were probably autistic.

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 04/03/2026 03:39

My understanding is there are two things,

  1. More recognised and diagnosed
  2. It's genetic, and since the increase in acceptance and the internet and online dating (!) more neuro divergent people are finding their people and having neuro divergent children.
HoppingPavlova · 04/03/2026 04:08

@MyTrivia The diagnostic process for autism is complex and requires several practitioners

That’s just not true for the vast number of adults being diagnosed. That’s where the problem lies, all these people who believe they have autism, have always had it, have Googled for millions of hours and then get a diagnosis. Do they have autism, or are they putting forward all the information relevant to autism.

To be blunt, it’s not foolproof for adults at all. I had a colleague in my previous workplace, who did not have autism, but was fascinated that at a certain point, every single person who gained a position (after seemingly not having it during training), suddenly announcing their autism and requirement for adjustments, which meant the running of the department became a nightmare. So, they went and got a diagnosis of autism. Was not complex. Did not involve several practitioners. Was exactly as I have known for other adults who have been diagnosed. Simple and one practitioner. The most complex thing was the waiting time, everything else was incredibly simple. Subsequent to their diagnosis of autism, that they didn’t have, they then couldn’t work for 6 months (the time the public employee gives as paid sick leave) while they ‘processed’ their disability. Then they returned and demanded the same accomodations everyone else had which was not really feasible given they ran the department. They were just sick of everyone taking the piss and the cause being an unsustainable department they were expected to run, so thought they’d give it back. Couldn’t blame them. They agreed to take a public service redundancy ($$$$) and then immediately moved into private work - without their autism. I have an adult child with Asperger’s/ADHD/GAD/OCD/Bipolar and am incredibly sympathetic to people with divergences who need support, but let’s not pretend there is not a lot of people taking the piss in the current environment.

MontgomeryClift · 04/03/2026 05:54

@cricketnut77No, there’s not more people ‘with’ adhd/autism now. There are more people with a diagnosis of adhd/autism. Two completely different things.

Young people with adhd/autism are much more susceptible to relying on and getting addicted to screens/tablets/phones. Just as people with adhd have always been susceptible to drug/drink/other risky behaviours. Screens haven’t caused anything.

The rigidity of the current school system has led to kids not being able to cope in that environment and this is why adhd/autism is ‘seen’ more by the general public and talked about.

@GentleSheepNo, there wasn’t far less of it, see above.

@OneisallandallisoneYes, OP is ill informed, she’s admitted it. That doesn’t make her an arsehole, your dismissive tone makes you one though.

@FleurfloweringI hope you gain a better understanding reading the other more insightful and considered posts on here from people with lived experience.

ebfwtf · 04/03/2026 06:03

Helplessandheartbroke · 03/03/2026 22:27

Ipads do not cause autism, youre born with it

Show quote history

No, but they might cause behaviours that get diagnosed as autism/adhd

LoftyPlumLion · 04/03/2026 06:07

Over diagnosis is definitely a thing. My DP has decided (sorry self diagnosed) they are ADHD

there does feel a large piece of this is to expect more allowances from people.

i do think these conditions exist but too many people currently claim they have them.

if you think you have behaviors that match them understand the triggers and learn to control them. Don’t just expect others to make greater allowances for them.

Strawberrryfields · 04/03/2026 06:17

Yes was definitely around. As others have said I can think of several classmates who I think would now have a diagnosis. And surely others who were masking.

I think there is a lot of self-diagnosis going on which will make the numbers higher. Also people who use it flippantly to describe themselves means we hear it a lot more - similarly to a few years ago there was a trend for clean and tidy people to say they were ocd which is not at all the same.

In terms of an actual increase in numbers I think older parents could be a factor.

ODD I’m less sure about as a diagnosis.

Shuffletoesxtreme · 04/03/2026 06:21

I was born in the 70s and remember helping out in the bottom/remedial maths set for lower years and, looking back, most of those kids had undiagnosed neurodiversity of some kind.

firstofallimadelight · 04/03/2026 06:23

There was a handful of kids in my school who were naughty/ weird/ thick. I was one of them, I was bullied for being a weirdo. It was horrible and I struggled to engage in school.
my sons school has 90 kids in his year. 30 have Sen plans.
my school had (Roughly) 40 kids and I can think of 6 including my self who were nd but there was probably more who hid it well.
A lot more Sen kids were in institutions or just at home deemed inappropriate for education. My ds was non verbal and not toilet trained until 7 he would not have been in mainstream.

I do think society has become more challenging for Sen children, the rigidity of education, the need for childcare at a young age, the fast pace. There’s children who maybe would have got by in past times who can’t cope now.

CopeNorth · 04/03/2026 06:59

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 03/03/2026 22:21

I’m mid 50s and was diagnosed with autism 5 years ago (and ADHD a year ago). Looking back it was obvious and several of my classmates clearly had it.

I spent 50 years of my life with hardly any friends (including at school) so yes it was a thing but no, it wasn’t recognised or tested then.

Yes. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. I masked all the way through school, university and work. I just don’t think people parented or taught like they do now.

I recall the psychiatrist saying even 10 years ago lots of medical professionals just didn’t think adults could have ADHD.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 04/03/2026 07:13

I have think they are going to find that maternal obesity play a part once all the studies are completed but I’m sure pollution and microplastics are also involved.

TroysMammy · 04/03/2026 07:15

Wednesdaysotherchild · 03/03/2026 22:30

My grandma took my mum (as a child) to the GP in the late 50s, saying there was something not quite right with her (well-meaning). Turns out it was inattentive ADHD… I also have it. Judging by his behaviour so did my Grandfather!

Edited

Years ago my mother was told by her sister-in-law that my Dad was taken to the Doctors when he was young because of "his funny little ways". My mother never asked my Auntie for any more information and now my Auntie has passed away and my Dad is the only one left out of the 12 there is now way of knowing what she meant. However things I know of and seen over the years have been slotting into place that he is most probably autistic. He's in his 80s now.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 04/03/2026 07:18

firstofallimadelight · 04/03/2026 06:23

There was a handful of kids in my school who were naughty/ weird/ thick. I was one of them, I was bullied for being a weirdo. It was horrible and I struggled to engage in school.
my sons school has 90 kids in his year. 30 have Sen plans.
my school had (Roughly) 40 kids and I can think of 6 including my self who were nd but there was probably more who hid it well.
A lot more Sen kids were in institutions or just at home deemed inappropriate for education. My ds was non verbal and not toilet trained until 7 he would not have been in mainstream.

I do think society has become more challenging for Sen children, the rigidity of education, the need for childcare at a young age, the fast pace. There’s children who maybe would have got by in past times who can’t cope now.

I don’t know - school was very rigid in the 1970s (I remember doing exams at about age 7) and there were no concessions made for anything, many (including me) had two full time working parents etc.

The reason we survived (barely) was that we had no choice but to do so. We couldn’t tell parents or teachers we were struggling as we would have been in trouble. So we learnt to mask very efficiently and internalised everything.