Those of you estranged from family, how do you make sure you’re always financially steady?

[PoisedAquaRobin]

I’m estranged from my parents. One thing I’ve realised recently is how vulnerable it can feel when you don’t have a financial safety net to fall back on. For those of you who are fully independent with no family fallback, how do you structure things so that you don’t end up in a position where you need to rely on anyone else during a bad patch? Do you keep a larger emergency fund? Avoid certain types of debt? Have strict rules about spending? Build multiple income streams? Keep certain accounts completely untouched? I’m trying to think long-term about resilience rather than short-term fixes. Genuine question, what has worked for you?

How old are you OP? I didnt think it was normal to fall back on your families money as an adult to be honest, I have family but I’d never ask them for money. Even if you do I don’t think the approach to finances should be any different really.

If it's any comfort to you, I'm not estranged from my family but they're not my safety net. And I imagine most people don't have that sort of emergency financial backup from family.

I have savings, in various forms. You need to do what most people are doing, regardless of their family situation.

Agreed with 1st comment.
I am very close to my family... but I have personal debts because I needed money for various reasons throughout my life (e.g. car breaking down, new white goods etc) and because I just wanted things I had the ability to finance.

I have never once even contemplated asking family for money? I find that a very strange concept...

I'm not estranged from my family but it's never occurred to me to think they're there as a financial safety net!

I'm not estranged from my family but TBH, it's never really occurred to me that I could ask them for help if I ever needed it. I was financially independent from the age of 19 yo 36 (which is when I moved in with now DH) and just made sure that I had enough savings put by to pay for a few months essential living expenses and a good credit score in case I needed to get a loan.

Is it normal in your social circle/culture to rely on parents? If so, I can see why you'd be asking this question.

I never asked my family for money after leaving home and didn't think of them as a financial safety net. When I got into debt when I was in my early 20's I sorted it out myself. Once I was able (to afford it), I have always kept a lump sum in an ISA which I never touch and is in case of emergencies. My parents are now long gone and I would literally have no one to ask for help, but when they were alive I would have been mortified to have needed to ask them for money. Do people really think of family this way?

Another who has a lovely and supportive family, but would never consider them to be a financial safety net.
That said, I would happily support the younger generation if that were needed.

think everything you list is good practice. My credit card is paid down to zero every month ; I have savings to cover several months expenses; I don’t commit to expense unless I know I can cover it with savings, or do without it.

But I am older, close to retirement, so my priorities may well be different from a that of a young family.

Thanks, that’s helpful. When you say a few months of essential expenses, how many months did you aim for? And did you keep that in a separate account?

You look at what you need and try to engineer that as much as is physically possible.

I once pretty much starved for a couple of months after first leaving home, rang home and DM didn't have any money either.

By all means, engineer more support but you can't rely on others for money.

When you say a lump sum in an ISA you never touch, did you build that gradually over time or prioritise it before other financial goals?

I'm not estranged from family but haven't ever expected anyone to be my safety net. Savings, good credit score, only take on debt you can manage. I'm no financial angel, I'm a spender not a saver but I do keep three months expenses in an account I never touch.

This. I was trying to find the connection between estrangement from family and financial planning

keep a lump sum in an easy-access ISA that has 3 months expenses in it. Don’t touch it. Get insured to the hilt - life insurance, critical illness and income protection. If you’re healthy the premiums will be low but it’s so worth having.

If your relationship with your family is so bad that you are estranged, then presumably they have never actually been there as a safety net?

As others on the thread have already said, many people not to have family members to fall back on financially.

Usual good advice is to have 6 months spending in savings (or build up slowly if you can't do it at once). Have an "emergency fund" for sudden one off expenses (e.g. the boiler breaks).

If you have more to save then max out your ISA allowance.

Basically you need to budget. Write down all your spending, both regular and discretionary. Work out what you want to save for seeable future things e.g. Christmas, holidays. Then plan what you would like for mid-long term savings.

First thing to do is to work out your current spending and possible saving.

I’m not estranged from my family but nor are they a financial safety net.

haven’t had a penny since I was 18 and do not expect there to be any inheritance

I get it. Those of us with narcissistic parents have been conditioned to be enmeshed/feel incapable/be controlled by our parents’s money.
I was taught never to seek a job alongside schoolwork under the guise of my parents wanting me to concentrate fully on school. It wasn’t that at all, it was just another way to control me as if I stepped 1 foot out of line they would cut off my “pocket money”.
This continued into adulthood with promises of lump sums for things I needed if I behaved in the way they expected.
I totally get what the OP means as I was truly conditioned to run to mummy and daddy to be the saviours when I couldn’t do it by myself.
It’s one of the lesser known things that narcissistic parents can do, and although painted as martyrdom it’s just more manipulation.
When I cut off my parents I walked away from significant money (and control) and it is a scary feeling due to their conditioning!
I’m appalled at it looking back and delighted to be independent finally.

I would agree with this. We are (traditional mumsnet) very high earners now but we weren’t when we were starting out and have no family support to turn to.

We save money naturally by never spending on frivolities such as paying for tv, nails, hair colouring, tattoos etc. if we want a car we’ll buy a good value one outright rather than any sort of finance. Live cheaply, the money accumulates and you can breathe more when thinking of finance.

When you say 6 months spending, do you base that on essential outgoings only or total lifestyle spending?

I'd start with essential spending. That means you know you can "cope" for at least 6 months if "something" happened.

how many months emergency fund really depends on your job security working for public sector probably 3 months, more vulnerable job 6 months, very risky self employed actor or similar probably more
by living expenses this would be the bare minimum monthly so rent/ mortgage council tax, water gas electric phone/ broadband, transport to work car/ house/life insurance essential car or house maintenance, minimum payments on debts to stop defaulting ( it would not include eating out entertainment clothes make up etc or at least not until you had bare bones saved) childcare is variable if not working as ill etc you might still need childcare if not working as you lost your jb you might not need so much childcare

once you have emergency savings then you can start to save for longer term, if applicable house deposit.retirement especially if work pension is only bare minimum most advisers say you need about 15% of income going to retirement so if your work is 8% you should probably save 7% elsewhere such as stocks and share ISA, FSVC pension or similar, saving for kids
separate pots for holidays new cars christmas etc

most "emergencies" are not real emergencies they are foreseeable but exact timing is unknown. your car will need new tyres brake pads and servicing, that your 12 year old washing machine will need replacement, your kids will outgrow shoes and clothes, your tech will become outdated nothing lasts for ever

Are you filling in a survey or something?

I thought this. Weird how the OP is only responding to specific posts!

I have multiple savings account and have had one ever since I was a student. I try to max out my ISA as much as possible and also have a savings account where maximum monthly pay is £150 so have SO set up for that to come out on the day after payday.
Both accounts have been emptied several times over the course of the last 15 years but I start building them up right away. I don't touch this money unless it is an emergency. Have 1 year of pre-tax salary saved pretty much at all times.

And in such a robotic way too. Lazy way of doing market research

I actually set mine up when I was between houses so basically I sold my first house, put the equity in savings and went into rented. When I bought the next house I held some money back in savings as a safety net. I was lucky in that my first house went up in value.

That said you can work on building up a savings pot over time. I have about 4 months salary in my ISA but at a pinch it would probably last me 6 months if I had to live on it. I am lucky in my job that if I am off sick I get 6 months full pay and 6 months half pay and if I were made redundant I would get about 9 months salary so I am not really doing it for either of those scenarios (although it would buy me more time if they were to happen). It is more in case my car breaks down, I have a big vet bill or I need expensive roof repairs, that type of thing. My goal is to have separate savings for each of those eventualities too.