Those of you estranged from family, how do you make sure you’re always financially steady?

[PoisedAquaRobin]

I’m estranged from my parents. One thing I’ve realised recently is how vulnerable it can feel when you don’t have a financial safety net to fall back on. For those of you who are fully independent with no family fallback, how do you structure things so that you don’t end up in a position where you need to rely on anyone else during a bad patch? Do you keep a larger emergency fund? Avoid certain types of debt? Have strict rules about spending? Build multiple income streams? Keep certain accounts completely untouched? I’m trying to think long-term about resilience rather than short-term fixes. Genuine question, what has worked for you?

I'm very close to my family and have always been independent with money, have never needed them to support me from when I moved out of home at about 21. But, contrary to what everyone else on this thread seems to feel, I do see my parents as a safety net if needed.

I dont think I would need it, we are mortage free, savings, I have health insurance etc. so can't see a situation arising. But, i've always felt that if things went tits up, e.g lost my job or something, particularly before I was married, I'd turn to my parents.

I am not fully estranged and my partners are very well-off, but we’re not close and there’s a lot of bad blood, so I’ll be damned if I take any of their money. I’d rather get into debt. As to how I survive, I have faith in myself to get myself out of any sticky situations (or avoid them altogether). I have a savings buffer equal to approx. 6 months’ living expenses, but I think this is advised generally? Not just to those who can’t / don’t want to rely on family.

We aren't estranged from family but there's no safety net, well there is one for everyone else, it's us. But there's nobody we could ask for money if we needed it.

I'm not entirely sure how to answer the question as it's never occurred to me to expect a safety net. We've just proceeded as we would have done anyway. For me and DH the rule is "one risk at any time" so if one of us wants to start a new business, the other one needs a really steady job, if we want to stretch ourselves for a house, we both need steady jobs etc. We also overpaid on our mortgage to pay it off asap, there's huge security in knowing your house is paid for i suppose.

i speak to my family all the time, but certainly don’t see them as financial security or a fall back! As a grown adult that falls to me!

I'm not estranged from family but my parents were very clear that i was on my own financially once I left uni (and they definitely meant it). I was extremely hard up for a time and it just wasn't an option to ask them and I had to get myself through it. I think a lot of people have the same.

I know some parents do keep helping/bailing out their adult kids which is nice in some ways but in other respects it doesn't do any favours because it starts to feel like an entitlement and gives you no motivation to work things out for yourself. My husband had these sort of parents and honestly he's taken years to learn to be sensible with money and realistic about the sort of lifestyle that is affordable.

So you want some of your family to be your personal money net? Who will be theirs? And whoever that is.. who will be theirs? It's not a chain.. once an adult you look after your own finances.

Tell me your an AI bot, without telling me! The follow up questions are all written the same. 100% not written by a human

When you don’t have it, you can’t use it.
It is always good to have a safety plan in savings, it isn’t always possible.
Saving 15 a week builds up.

I have to get better at spotting these threads.

Estranged or not, as an adult why would you ever some that someone else should be there as a safety net for you financially? Surely you are responsible for yourself as an adult?

My dad is poor as fuck (gambling) so I def don't count on him to bail me out- I realised at 11 y old that I was smarter than him and have since considered him as a younger sibling who will never grow up due to his fucked up life choices that broke the family unit.

Honestly, I only noticed when I filtered the replies!

I suggest 6 months pay/household income in accessible savings.

I Think this is exactly what OP is taking about. It’s not just the availability of cash, or the taking of cash. It’s the knowledge and assurance of the safety net. Whether or not you do, or ever imagine yourself using it in reality.

I have never borrowed money from my parents as an adult. However I am going though a divorce and I can’t lie, it is reassuring to know that I have back up if the worst were to happen. That there is a potential to borrow money, or that if the worst happened, they would provide basic shelter. The shift for me here is that I have never genuinely thought about needing this until now, and I have to admit the idea that it’s possible is reassuring it has occurred to me what life is like for those who have no support (it’s also the reassurance of emotional support as well as practical)

similar example my H and his brother have been helped out financially by their parents. My H needs it again. His parents are very near the end of their life and it’s made me think about how he’d cope if this happened in 5 years when they are not here.

Also not estranged from my family but they are in no position to be, nor have the ever, been my safety net.

I worked hard to pay back my debts after Uni, I worked hard to get on the property ladder. I try to avoid credit and save for things I need. Have had many years without luxuries e.g. no car, old cars (still), no holidays or cheap camping holidays, second hand clothes and furniture etc.

Plan ahead, don't Iive beyond your means, make sensible (boring choices). Budget.

Wow. I’m nearly 70, brought up three kids who were all primary school age when their father left, live rurally with no childcare locally in those days, worked around school hours only ever on minimum wage. My ex did continue to pay the mortgage and a voluntary contribution for child support. I have NEVER, and would never, “fall back” on anyone in family, parents or siblings, for financial support of any kind. If I’d ever needed to borrow I’d have asked the bank, or struggled with credit cards, I could never contemplate asking a relative to help me out, my siblings wouldn’t, my now-adult offspring wouldn’t. Surely my family isn’t unusual?

I give money to my parents, not the other way around, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. So being estranged would improve my financial security tbh.

As an independent adult, from the day I left home I was financially independent.

But while I would never expect or ever ask my family for financial support, they were not as far as I know in a position to provide it anyway, I guess I knew there was a bed (or uncomfortable sofa!) available temporarily if there were dire circumstances and I’d never end up with nowhere to go.

Now I am older and parents are gone, I guess that responsibility to provide a sofa if needed lies with me now 😱

When I was younger I always had (bloody expensive) income protection insurance, life insurance, etc until we managed to get enough savings to see us through any significant issues.

My parents were never in a position to be a safety net for me, so it was never a consideration. I have no siblings. Sadly, my life is immeasurably better for having no contact with them and I hope I am not so shallow that money would have changed my mind about that. They do own their own house and a therapist did ask how I felt about the possibility of not inheriting and I just laughed. The way my drug addicted, alcoholic parents go through money, there will be nothing but debts when they snuff it. Any financial security I have, myself and DH have worked hard to provide for ourselves. We paid off our mortgage as fast as we could and we have savings and a pension. When I was a SAHM, he paid my NI contributions so I would get a full state pension. We have been dirt poor before, it it ever happens again, we'll survive. As long as I have my DH, I'm happy. That man is a blessing.

You mean that it's a bot? Tbh I thought it was someone autistic.

I didn't think it was a thing to have family to 'fall back on' financially, once you reached adulthood.
Just earn well, try to save and don't get in debt.
I think a general rule is to always have six months of salary in savings as a decent safety net for job loss, illness etc.

Interest free credit has been a lifesaver.
Parents sadly died when I was very young.
Never had any savings due to financial commitments and single parenthood.
Try not to overthink OP.
Insurance on central heating etc

The fact is though, if you were in dire straits and needed help, your family would be the first people you would call.

Not necessarily. That's assuming your family are all higher earners than you? Which isn't true in our case. The one time ever we've needed that type of support, the first person we called was my husband's boss!

Yep, not every family has generational wealth.