I have 2 boys 20 and 12 (13 next month), DP isn't eldest bio dad but he's been in his life since age 3 and he doesn't see his bio dad as he was abusive. He calls DP dad and when he turned 18 he changed his last name to DP’s. He always wanted dp to adopt him but unfortunately he couldn't die to his dad being on the BC and having PR. That was the only problem, I know DP happily would've and he doesn't treat the boys any differently
He takes eldest to watch football with him (youngest doesn't care for football) and he was really supportive when DS was struggling mentally as a teen and those years were HARD. They do clash as they're both as stubborn as each other and refuse to back down/admit they're wrong something that does bother me and I generally leave them to it as I know what they both are like. Eldest has ADHD and autism (diagnosed) and I heavily suspect DP is autistic (as does MIL)
He doesn't feel he needs a diagnosis as it wouldn't change anything. All fine but they are very similar as I said
My eldest didn't shave until he was 15, he started puberty quite late and DP showed him (and spent about a year doing it for him), my youngest however has a deeper voice, is already quite tall and had a noticeable moustache
I was in hospital from the 20th of Feb until yesterday so I reckon DP was just stressed but I can't get over how he spoke to my eldest. My youngest was the one who phoned the ambulance for me and last week he hit someone at school so he's also having a tough time (he never has hit anyone or even misbehaved at school in the past).
I'm resting at home now, my eldest home and youngest wasnt at school. They usually
hang out together in one of their rooms and at their ages I didn't need to go and check on them. This afternoon at some point youngest asked eldest about shaving i don't think he directly asked him to show him but eldest needed a shave so showed him. Personally I have no problem with it and I don't think he needed anyone’s permission except youngest of course as it's his face
dp got home and went mad at eldest and accused him of over stepping, he had a huge rant at him and accused him of making ds hit that child last week as he always told him to hit people when he was being mad fun of (youngest always said no) and said if he loses his place at his grammar school its on him (I doubt he will as while it's a very prestigious private grammar school, ds got in on a bursery and this is the only time he's misbehaved)
Eldest is also gay and a few years ago he thought he was bi and youngest started saying he was bi too (he was about 9), we left him to it as he could be but also he could've wanted to be like his brother. Until tonight when DP brought that up saying how he was too young to be saying that and how he's too young to shave and he needs to be allowed to be a kid
He was quite harsh and news going on about it now. AIBU or is he right in that eldest did over step?