What's your upper age limit for having last baby

[Suburbiton63]

Just that really!
I am 37 would love one more (a third) but just don't think I can put my body through I again.

@Suburbiton63

37-38 years old would be the oldest I would be 'trying.' I would not want a baby in my 40s. Not even at 40. When I was almost 60 they'd still be at school. And they'd be at Uni when I was in my 60s. I'm nearly 60 now, and my DC left home 10 years ago, and quite honestly, as much as I love them, I wouldn't be too happy to have DC still at Uni now, and still effectively living at home.

I loved having/raising my DC, but love the quiet tranquil home now with just DH and I. They were independent quite quickly, and both own their home (with a partner) and both are around 30 y.o.

Those comments always make me laugh. I’m 24 and had my first at 16 Of course they’ve “never” met or seen anyone who had kids so young in their classy areas or places they like to go. And yet I exist, five miles from one of the most expensive towns in the country which I visit regularly 😂

I think 44 would be the end of the road

And so it begins with the inevitable ping pong of back and forth barbed comme ts attacking each other

Why these threads daily? So depressing.

Honestly but I'd accidentally fallen pregnant nup til 45 I probably would have kept the baby but now at 46 I'm really done. I don't want to do nappies and car seats and maternity leave again. Although I loved pregnancy and the early newborn stage. The logistics of a toddler or another school aged child again are beyond me now.

😘 There are some lasses in my village who had their first baby at 19 to 23, most have 2 or 3, and many of them are upper working class, several of them own their home with their DH, and many part time jobs now, and are happily married and loving their life.

They have travelled to between 5 and 10 different countries, and go abroad most years. By the time the kids are grown, they will still be young. There are advantages to having kids young (and advantages to leaving it a bit, to say, 33-34.) There's no right or wrong.

Also, it has to be said, some of the upper class women I know started having babies young - like 20-ish. It's the middle classes who have them older, not upper class people are actually ARE posh!

I had my 3rd at 36 and that was as old as I would want to have been, I will be 56 when my youngest finishes in education and 60 when they finish at uni (if they decide to go).

What happens to those of us who dont meet anyone (like me!). There isn't a wide circle of men id like to kiss let alone have a baby with. Those people who don't meet anyone have them later and don't see it as a chore . I never had a single comment from mid wives etc about being pregnant at 41/2 and didnt bat an eye. Most of my friends were in the same boat.

I don't think it's useful to set an arbitrary cut-off age tbh, I think I would just see how I felt at the time and whether I felt capable and wanted more. I don't think it does anyone any favours and just either puts pressure on.

I am currently pregnant with number 2 at 37 and I am finding it tougher than the first time, but I think that is more to do with not rebuilding my strength and fitness in between pregnancies (as my first is only 3 so not a huge age difference for me), bump is bigger so I am constantly out of breath, struggling to bend over etc, plus just generally more knackered running round after a 3yo whereas last time I was working from home, swimming once a week, going to the gym...

I know this will be my last as my DH is older than me and already had 2 older children, and, as I said, this pregnancy has felt hard - however this is all based on our own personal circumstances and not on an arbitrary age limit I've set myself.

I’m 34 with zero kids and I want 2 so whenever nature decides.

DP and I are both only children and we don’t want an only child so if we struggle to have 1 in the next few years we’ll probably just call it a day though.

The rough consensus on the thread seems to be age of having first child + ~10 years & < maximum fertile age. Realistically a first pregnancy at 35 is going to be very different to a third pregnancy at 35. How tiring and awful it is will be down to how many kids you already have as well as age, so it doesn’t need to be a competition.

The only friend my age with a child had hers at 27 and she said never again!

Personally I wouldn’t have a baby after 35 because of the increased health risks. But I’m 27 now and already have two children so there’s no need for me to keep having babies after that age. I might have felt differently if I was already 35 and had no children or only had one child but really wanted two. It’s a personal decision and I would never judge another mother for whatever choice she makes.

Well of course midwives 'don't bat an eyelid' they're there to help with the baby, not to comment on your age!

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Was 35 when I had my youngest and I won’t have any more. In a fantasy life I’d love another but realistically I don’t want to start all over again now I’m pushing 40. My mum had two babies in her 40s though. I think it’s a very personal choice when to stop having kids.

We decided when I was 39 to try for a 3rd child having had my first and second at 22 and 24. I got pregnant the third month of trying and had a very good pregnancy but ended up having an emergency caesarean.

Although I was a young mother to my sons I didn’t become a grandmother until I was 65 as neither of my sons have children so I had to wait until my daughter grew up, married and had my grandson so even if you have children young it doesn’t follow that you will have grandchildren in your forties or fifties.

I think it depends on lots of factors: if you’re talking about a first/second/third etc. child; if not a first child your experience of pregnancy/ birth/ parenthood; how much support you have e.g. partner, family, friends; your financial/ work situation and many other factors. Ideally I would have preferred to have children before I was thirty-five but I didn’t meet my husband until I was nearly thirty-four and needed three rounds of IVF so I was thirty-nine and forty-one when I had my children. I would have loved to have another child (and my husband still wants us to to try with our remaining frozen embryos) but I feel the best case of a third caesarean at forty-three while the eldest is still under four and not having much support would be a bad idea for all of us. I’m also a SAHP through circumstances and need to think about getting back to work, pension etc. If I were younger or won the lottery I’d be more likely to try again but if I didn’t already have children I’d probably keep trying until there was no realistic chance. I do regret that I likely won’t have as long with my children as I would have if I’d had them younger and that my parents (and I if my children have children) are older grandparents but realistically the only thing I could have done to avoid that would have been to not have any children. None of my relationships when I was younger worked out and I think I would have struggled being a single parent by choice. I’m hopeful I can stay healthy for as long as possible and give the children my best whilst I’m around and that they will prefer to have have had older mother to never having been born.

Your lucky everything turned out the way you anticipated then I didnt meet my dh until I was 31 i had my babies at 33 and 36 so not too old but ideally I would have had them younger but its fst more difficult when yiyr single!

I wonder if posters are just guessing the ages of people in these ‘naice’ circles? Looking around the nursery/playground and assuming they all had DC at 40+?

I also wonder if all these ‘I had my first pregnancy (twins) at 46’ posts we seen on MN are from the same posters.

Those of us on the extremes are probably more interested in the topic to start with.

Like a PP mine was 35. But I am almost 35 and not yet pregnant with DC3. Realistically it is now more like 40.

You need to think about the other end of parenting. It’s all very well being 37-42 you feel great and focus on how it’s fine to deal with multiple babies and young children.

Then you hit 48 plus and everything changes. You will likely feel very different and want to do your own thing. You do not want to be parenting an 8 year old. Then having to work longer to fund their university. Dont do it to yourself.

My personal limit was 37 and I had her 3 weeks ago! I was told by a midwife that women are no longer considered advanced maternal age until 40 now because of new research so dont let it stop you if you still really want one! I got really lucky and got pregnant again very quickly when I was still 36 but I would of carried on trying until it happened.

But now you're work and mortgage free you should be enjoying yourselves and your free time. If you have work, a mortgage and children at the same time you get all the hard work out of the way at the same time. As it happens now you're being controlled by term times.

I think people are quite bad at guessing ages at from late 20s +

I see lots of mums and babies around my trendy part of London and assume they’re older than me but probably aren’t! It might work the other way around, assume anyone with kids the same age is the same age as you.

It happens at work all the time, people guess your age based on job/ life stage.

My personal cut off was 35 I have to say I’m knackered now at 46 so can’t even imagine a baby in my 40s

I was 23 when i had my third. With hindsight i think 28 and 30 are the perfect ages. I would never have a child in my 40s as that would mean having children at home until you are in your 60s. Mixing children with menopause, getting older and parents needing help is a recipe for the Devils porridge.

It'd be great if life was so easy to plan. Got pregnant on my honeymoon at 31, lost that baby 8 weeks later. Had another miscarriage a few months later at 32. Got pregnant with my beautiful twin boys the next cycle but they passed away at birth in the NICU 2 years ago. The grief is indescribable. 18 months later I brought home my lovely dd at 34 she is 10 months now and by complete surprise I'm expecting again. I hope to have one more after this but call it quits by 38. I've been pregnant 5 times since 2022

It's been a very difficult journey and we live with our grief for our twin boys every day, you never get over it, but I feel lucky that I did get to bring my dd home and all going well this baby too. It's such a complex decision for many people and I can completely understand how hard it is letting go.