Who's the unreasonable one?

[Dippydoopy]

So it's a husband one.

He works full time but chooses to do so overtime everyday and leaves the house at 4:30am.

I had a workplace injury last year and have been signed off work. (I do multiple therapy sessions)

DH thinks it's totally normal to wake me at 4:00am to make him tea, get his clothes out. Or to have sex before he goes to work.

I am a person who really needs my sleep, and unfortunately I don't sleep too well at night.

If I don't get up with him he will turn all lights on and leave them on. So I'm forced awake.

I have to wake the children at 6:30am for school so it's not like I sleep until 10:00am!

now this brings me to my who's being unreasonable question, DH also wakes early at the weekend. Probably because he sleeps around 3 hours every evening on the sofa.

He has always had an issue that I don't wake as early as he does. Obviously if we have plans or whatever I am first up.

I do absolutely everything, I make all beds, get everyone's clothes out, I do 100% of cooking and cleaning, if it's a house job I do it! I do all the kids after school activities.

DH will try to wake me at 3-4am every weekend and says if we have sex he will just go back to sleep. I don't want to have sex at death o'clock! I want to sleep!!!!

I have dark rings around my eyes. And a husband who is constantly pissy with me because he says I'm lazy.

so who's being unreasonable?

Is this real? He's waking you up at 4am for sex you don't want and you're asking who is unreasonable?! LTB!!!

I’d say no one is unreasonable because he’s actually abusive

my dh wakes similar and wakes me up because I’m a light sleeper but he tries very hard not to. If he expected me to wait on him and get his clothes ready we would no longer be married tbh

What you describe is abuse.

Well obviously your vile sex pest of a husband is being unreasonable.

Absolute pig of a man.

Is this real? He sounds fucking awful. There is more to life than this.

This is absolutely outrageous. Was he always such a selfish bastard or has it increased since your injury?

I do absolutely everything, I make all beds, get everyone's clothes out, I do 100% of cooking and cleaning, if it's a house job I do it! I do all the kids after school activities.

but you don’t have a paid job? So him “choosing” to do overtime is presumably to make up for this fact

You have just described multiple types of domestic abuse. Please contact Women’s Aid.

But aside from that… OMFG he sounds despicable but I’m guessing you’ve know this for many years

Are you fucking serious? He wakes you up at 4am to make him tea and ‘get his clothes out’… why does he need your help with that? Who the fuck are you married to, King Louis XIV? Does he also need you to wipe his bum and powder his wig?

Seriously, this is insane and your husband is an abusive cunt. Deliberately depriving a partner of sleep like that is a coercive control technique, among other things. My abusive ex used to do it.

You seriously have to ask?????

If anyone woke me up in the middle of the night to make them a cup of tea or have sex with them, they'd be the one needing to recover from an injury.

As others have said, he is abusive (and I don't use that word lightly).

This OP has been asking mumsnet for years.

She gets the same answers but has no intention of leaving. So just starts another thread

She’s been signed off work. In most cases, she’ll still be earning.

He’s waking her up at 3/4am to demand sex that she doesn’t want, but that’s what you focus on?

I dread to think what this man has put you through in your marriage (on top of this issue) to make you question whether you're reasonable or not. I suspect this is the tip of the iceburg in unreasonable and abusive behaviour from him.

Let this thread be the start of your journey to escape this awful man.

This is abusive, my husband is a farmer so gets up early during their busy times but does it quietly albeit does wake me up but he wouldn't expect me to be up at the same time. You DH is abusive snd selfish.

Are you serious? Did you even read the op?

Did you read my two follow up posts?

Let him sort himself out with one of his hands.

Have a read of this op and imagine your life without him

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5497126-whats-your-quiet-freedom-after-leaving-an-abusive-relationship

I can’t imagine why you don’t want to have sex with the absolute prince.

leave him. Genuinely.

The Op has been repeatedly told to leave him but insists no intention

This is not an IABU. This is a "is my husband abusive" which he is. He's sexually coercing you (if not worse) and he's meeting the standards for torture with his sleep thing. He's also just a dick in the way you have to do everything at home.