Who's the unreasonable one?

[Dippydoopy]

So it's a husband one.

He works full time but chooses to do so overtime everyday and leaves the house at 4:30am.

I had a workplace injury last year and have been signed off work. (I do multiple therapy sessions)

DH thinks it's totally normal to wake me at 4:00am to make him tea, get his clothes out. Or to have sex before he goes to work.

I am a person who really needs my sleep, and unfortunately I don't sleep too well at night.

If I don't get up with him he will turn all lights on and leave them on. So I'm forced awake.

I have to wake the children at 6:30am for school so it's not like I sleep until 10:00am!

now this brings me to my who's being unreasonable question, DH also wakes early at the weekend. Probably because he sleeps around 3 hours every evening on the sofa.

He has always had an issue that I don't wake as early as he does. Obviously if we have plans or whatever I am first up.

I do absolutely everything, I make all beds, get everyone's clothes out, I do 100% of cooking and cleaning, if it's a house job I do it! I do all the kids after school activities.

DH will try to wake me at 3-4am every weekend and says if we have sex he will just go back to sleep. I don't want to have sex at death o'clock! I want to sleep!!!!

I have dark rings around my eyes. And a husband who is constantly pissy with me because he says I'm lazy.

so who's being unreasonable?

Abussive 100%
Line up them ducks
Keep a record of everything
Divorce this inhumane stress vessel
Never compromise yourself like this for anyone, ever again!

Can you go on holiday with your kids, while your husband works, to your home country and then not go back.

There's no way I'd tolerate my husband waking me up at 3-4 am for sex! He'd get told very firmly where to go!! My husband isn't an inconsiderate arsehole though.

You aren't lazy at all. You are running the house and doing all the childcare. If you don't need to get the children up for school until 6.30, then there's absolutely no reason for your husband to wake you. He's an arsehole, it's as simple as that.

A Prince amongst men?!!
I would seriously consider splitting up from this selfish man - he obviously does not love/value you at all.

Does this even need answering... waking you up at 3 or 4 in the morning for sex ... tell him to fuck off !!!
You are not his play thing when he feels like it he isn't the boss you are equals ..
Am I living in the 1800's again.

And one day she might feel strong enough to go.

So you know he’s a despicable pig, what can you do to make your life more comfortable if you can’t leave? Could you stay in the country you live in but still leave him?

Op this is abusive. Demanding sex and servitude off you? Absolutely not! This is control through and through, you're doing the lions share - going to work is easier than what you do and he's calling you lazy because he wants to make sure you feel guilty so you'll keep overdoing it.

Op is this how you want to live? Do you have the means to leave and start out on your own? Is this the blueprint for relationships you want to lay out for your children? I'm not being funny Op but if you are rearing sons in that environment they could easily grow up to be some poor womans nightmare, and if you're raising girls she'll think it's normal for a woman to be at a man's beck and call.

Coerced sex even in marriage is rape Op. This is entirely unsafe and you do not have to live with this any longer. You deserve to have a happy, peaceful, respect filled life.

Just saw your update sorry op. Are there womens shelters where you live op? Are you originally from the UK? Do your kids have dual citizenship? Is there an embassy you could contact for help?

That's awful, I'm sorry you're being subjected to this.

So it’s ok to wake her up demanding sex and tea at 4am ?

Good god, leave him.

If you cant work that out for yourself then I think you have a tonne more issues than you realise, can you genuinley not figure this out yourself?

I, as do most of us , believe this woman is in an abusive relationship.

I know, from personal experience, that whilst my logical mind told me I was in an abusive marriage, a little voice (sounded like his) told me I couldn't leave because I was at fault, my kids would be taken from me, I was selfishly splitting up a family, I was exaggerating things, it was all in my head, I was mental and everyone knew it etc.

Add to that, like the OP, the first solicitor I contacted scared me into staying for 2 more years.

It wasn't until I wrote my divorce court statement and spoke to the mediation lawyer that it all became clear of what I'd been subjected to.

And I was so angry. Not at him, but at myself. How could I have let that abuse go on for years and years until he finally broke my spine? All these years later I am still working on forgiving myself, which again, is part of the abuse conditioning.

OP keeps asking us, knowing the answer because she wants someone, even strangers on the Internet, to know she exists and that HER inner voice is right. This isn't attention seeking. Its needing that sanity check that is being stripped from her by her husband.

I know some people in this chat feel frustrated at the same OP asking the same question. The solution is obvious to us. It's not so easy when you're battling emotional abuse that takes away your rationale and confidence to act or trust.

So yes, OP has a tonne of issues. But all are stemming from the same source.

That's your takeaway from the OP? Did you read it properly or skip over the bit where she described an horrifically abusive relationship?