Dh only asking Dd if she wants to go out and other annoying things

[Hopeshenevergrowsoutofbluey]

Just checking if it’s me or would this piss you off

At weekends, Dd wakes around 6.30/7 and heads downstairs, Dh is also an early riser, I sleep in sometimes until 8.30 ish. Dd is fine downstairs alone and enjoys being independent
Dh often complains he doesn’t get a lie in, when he can if he wants to but can’t lie in easily or sometimes will spend the afternoon sleeping.
I often come downstairs in the morning and he’s gone out leaving Dd, like just now.
Then he strolls in asking Dd if she wants to go somewhere today-nature place etc, not including/asking me, does anyone else find this odd? Even today Dd said ‘Mummy would like to go somewhere today’
Surely you make a decision as a family about plans etc and do things as a family?

Totally agree, he always just swans in and says if, it isn’t fair on her. He could even say ‘What we doing today, any plans for today?’ He makes it awkward for her. We don’t always have set plans, taking Ddog somewhere doesn’t really need to be planned

So then you just say ok so we will all go with the plan we made whilst your were out grab your coats guys. Whats the issue?

If you liked the idea of where they were going why didn’t you say you’d also like to join or if you and DD had already agreed to go somewhere and he said he wasn’t sure then you either go to where you’d planned without him or ask DD where she’d prefer to go. Maybe he’s directing the question at her because she’s a child and wants to make sure she’s entertained

Men can't win. If they leave the planning to their wives, they are useless. If they plan and assume their wives will come along, they can't parent alone. If they make plans directly with the dc, which the wife could either choose to tag along with or skip and have some alone time, they are excluding her.

Personally I'd be very happy with this, and tag along when I want to or enjoy my time alone. And if I wanted to do something else, whether all together or alone with dc, I would tell him so. Seems normal to me.

What was his response to Dd when she said “ mommy would like to go somewhere too “ ?

I’d half jokingly say “am I invited too?” or just talk to him about it when dd isn’t around op, you need to communicate how it’s making you feel. Are you sure he doesn’t think he’s giving you some time to yourself while he takes dd out somewhere?

Honestly, based on your comments on this thread, you are a very poor communicator. I imagine dealing with that on an ongoing basis is quite irritating.

Just speak to your husband. Have an actual conversation. You say he does this all the time, so not wanting to speak in front of your daughter doesn’t explain why you haven’t already had this conversation.

I couldn't agree more the pp is a very poor communicator indeed.

All she keeps doing is repeating the same thing over and over again.

You mentioned the idea of bringing the dog out and having a picnic to your dd. Was your dh aware of this plan before he came in and asked her if she wanted to go to some nature place?

Why are you so sure that he wasn't including you?

I agree with other posters, based on your posts here and your response to your dh when he asked your dd about going out somewhere, you are very poor at communicating. This will cause tension and frustration which your dd will pick up on.

Surely you can discuss this without it being an argument DD shouldn’t hear?

You just say, “yeah that sounds fun, I will come too.”

He said he didn’t realise we were going to X place
The difference is when I was chatting to Dd about X place it’s just all of us, I assume we go as a family

I cba tbh, he does it a fair amount and just doesn’t act in a family way or the way I imagine families do things and the way I was brought up

Maybe it’s that, not sure

Thanks

To me it seems like a dig at you for staying in bed...he is assuming as you aren't up early you aren't interested in being up and out.

But I agree it's down to communication..maybe he thinks taking DD out on his own is what you would like. There are usually many posts on here about useless men and mums not getting a break so it's nice to see that he is wanting to spend time alone with his child.

That sounds more like upbringing maybe one of you needs a specific invite and the other that if you want to go you just go but as you havent been just going you dont want to go....how can you have not talked about this from day one? My family dont invite we just pop around or if its an outing say sounds great can i join you. My husbands are dont come around unless invited, i never think about inviting family they should know they are welcome.

So what did you say to him??

I suggest you need to learn how to communicate with your husband, you say when you asked dd to do something you “assumed “ it would include him and as part of a family because you “both have a poor communication style “ perhaps he is doing the same. Can i suggest kindly you both sit down Without dd and actually talk about both you “poor” communication styles. However this will need to be done carefully and without accusations as i don’t think you can see that you are “EQUALLY” as bad as him at communicating. So don’t make this a he is to blame/im better at communicating problem. It is a problem in your marriage approach it as a “Team” focus on how you can “both” improve together as a married couple

So, what happened?

Now, her friend knocked on to play, so they’re playing and that’s the end of that, I cba going now and Dd is happier playing with her friend

Could you seize the moment while DD is happily playing with her friend and suggest to DH that next Sunday, all three of you go to place X? (The place that you and DD had discussed earlier today when DH was out)?

Yes i’m going to do this and say to him, can we decide in advance a bit more what we’re doing
Thank you

I think people are over complicating the situation. Of course it's rude to approach you both and only invite one of you out, without any sort of apology or explanation.

If he’s deliberately excluding you you need to find out why and then decide what you want to do about it

That’s brilliant. Well done. It’s all too easy to fall into a routine in any relationship, being part of said routine while resenting it.

Posters are having to drag this information out of you OP and you have still missed out the crucial bit...

We had-as a family, then he walked in and asked Dd if he and her wanted to go to X place today

I didn’t stay quiet, Dd said ‘Mummy said we could go to X’ and he said he didn’t know and I said to him that he just came in and asked just Dd to go somewhere with him

He said he didn’t realise we were going to X place

... and then what happened?

That can't have been the end of the conversation.