Dh only asking Dd if she wants to go out and other annoying things

[Hopeshenevergrowsoutofbluey]

Just checking if it’s me or would this piss you off

At weekends, Dd wakes around 6.30/7 and heads downstairs, Dh is also an early riser, I sleep in sometimes until 8.30 ish. Dd is fine downstairs alone and enjoys being independent
Dh often complains he doesn’t get a lie in, when he can if he wants to but can’t lie in easily or sometimes will spend the afternoon sleeping.
I often come downstairs in the morning and he’s gone out leaving Dd, like just now.
Then he strolls in asking Dd if she wants to go somewhere today-nature place etc, not including/asking me, does anyone else find this odd? Even today Dd said ‘Mummy would like to go somewhere today’
Surely you make a decision as a family about plans etc and do things as a family?

Why don’t you have a discussion about weekend plans during the week? Seems like a lot of this could be avoided by having a chat in advance…. 🤷‍♀️

He might want to spend some one on one time with her, don't you ever do the same?

Sure, make some family plans each weekend( by actually communicating with each other!) but there isn't any requirement to spend all your time together as a family unit. It's nice he wants to spend some time with her. Use that time to meet your friends or enjoy one of your hobbies.

So you laugh and say “in your absence, DD and I have already decided that we’re all doing X today - hope that’s ok with you and if not let’s discuss?”

Is there a reason why you dont think he means you going to? Id just asdume its all of us and chip in with i saw this the other day or similar

Sorry OP but he sounds like one of these men who is no longer interested in his relationship with you but still enjoys his relationship with his DD so doesn't want to rock the boat by leaving the marriage

What exactly did he say?
"Do you want to go somewhere just the two of us?" Or "Would you want us to go somewhere - where would you like to go?"

I'm trying to figure out what's happening because it seems like you can't speak up when your husband is around. I don't know why that is.

The natural response if it was the former would be to either say or joke: "Hey what about me?" Or "I want to come too" or "Are you trying to leave me at home alone?"

Do you just stay quiet and expect him to read your mind? Perhaps he thinks you don’t want to go so he's just making plans with your dd.

Did you then not say that sounds great we can have lunch there...9r similar .....it sounds like you never speak up so he assumes you dont want to go.

I think you just need to woman up and have a conversation with him away from your daughter. It isn't fair that this is playing out in front of her every weekend. Have a conversation midweek about it when your daughter is in bed and decide how you are going to make weekend plans without your daughter being like some piggy in the middle of her parents silent power struggle.

Why would you stay at home? Go with them!

I don’t really get why you and your husband don’t communicate about this. As so many other people have suggested, why not have a chat towards the end of your week about your weekend plans? We always arrange our weekends in advance, but with some room for spontaneity. By Wednesday of this week we knew that on Saturday I was going for brunch with a friend locally whilst my partner would have the baby. In the afternoon we were meeting some of his friends and their twin babies for soft play. We knew today we’d have a lazy Sunday morning together, maybe a walk, maybe not. Then in the afternoon he’s watching football at the pub whilst I go for a walk with the baby.
Just plan things better if this is going to bother you!

Agree

Then you remind him of the plan.....it sounds like hes sick of waiting around for you to get up

I agree with PPs that it sounds as though you sit there and listen to him making plans with your daughter and don't say anything. What if you said 'Sounds lovely - I'll get my shoes on.' Would he actually say 'You're not invited'?

Your title says 'and other annoying things' - is this part of a pattern where you feel he doesn't want to spend time with you? Or that you don't have a voice in the things you do? Because, on its own, this seems like a non issue, but if he doesn't take your feelings into account across the board, I can see how this could be a last straw situation.

It's kind of annoying when people like to lie in much later than others, but then expect the earlier-risers to just sit around doing nothing until they get up. I get how they would want to make the most of those hours and get on with doing something enjoyable, rather than have to worry whether you will be offended if they have too much fun whilst you've chosen to stay in bed (not that there's anything wrong with you doing that).

I agree that you should discuss your plans together (the three of you) on the Friday evening. That way, if there's a plan/suggestion to do something early on a weekend day, you can decide whether you want to join in or stay in bed and leave them to it.

ETA: I've re-read the OP and I think I eally misconstrued. Fine for him to make the most of his own time in the morning (as long as your DD is happy and fine on her own); but he definitely shouldn't exclude you in the plans or discussions if you're already up and about when they're being made. That IS concerning.

This is so odd. Maybe they want to spend time on their own? That’s ok.

the key bit of your post for me was your daughters age as that influences everything.
if she’s 7 and he goes out, she can come and find you if needed ?
you said you only sleep in til 0830 ish

So you need a formal named invite?

Someone posted not long ago complaining that her DH doesn't take DC our alone, even though she never even suggested to him that he takes them out alone. Just like that poster, you need to communicate what you want. If he asks DD to go somewhere, you say I'd like to come/go somewhere else together.

Presumably he means does your dd want to go out to this or that place with you both. Otherwise it’s odd. Can you ask him?

I didn’t stay quiet, Dd said ‘Mummy said we could go to X’ and he said he didn’t know and I said to him that he just came in and asked just Dd to go somewhere with him

Does he do this just on one day or both days? I can understand you’d like to be involved sometimes but there are women out there begging their partner to take their child out so they can get a bit of alone time. Maybe he sees one of the weekend days as his dad-daughter time? I used to like these days as a kid. But obviously if he never wants to involve you or do things as a family then that’s a problem

It sounds a bit strange if he is deliberately trying to exclude you. (Are you sure you aren't just taking offence to how he is asking without discussion first?)

If he is excluding you that is very odd. I am wondering if he's passive aggressively punishing you for not being a morning lark i.e. "I don't approve of you lying in bed wasting the best part of the day, so we will be going out and leaving you alone." My dad was a bit like that with my mum, he just didn't get that some people aren't raring to go at 6am (conveniently forgetting that he always went to bed early leaving her to clear up, deal with pets, lock the house etc.) His narrative was that she was "lazy" and he was busy and virtuous. Could that be what is happening here?

I wonder what would happen if you let him head out with DD and you enjoyed a gym session or cinema or brunch with a friend. Do you think he would get huffy about that? If so that probably confirms the punishment theory.

WHY ARENT YOU JUST SPEAKING TO HIM ABOUT THIS YOUSELF

Apologies for caps, but loads have asked a d you arent responding

I don’t get up late and we’d never go out that early anyway, maybe 10 ish onwards

I will but Dd is here and I hate him doing it in front of her

You really need to communicate with your dh and make plans when your dd isn't around. It's not right that she's stuck in the middle of this.

It's great they like to spend some time together so don't try to stop that. I'm sure you spend time with her without your dh around.

Before the weekend starts you and your dh have to decide together, out of earshot of your dd, what you want to do as a family unit over the weekend and when. That doesn't mean you have to spend every minute of the weekend together however.

That's not clear communication.