Very sad weekend

[Dickensian1234]

I didn't think this weekend could get worse but it has. 6am this morning my DH's phone rings. It was his mum, he couldn't understand her, as she has terrible mobile access. Then 10 minutes later another call. Froma policeman to say that my DH's dad had passed away this morning. It doesn't seem real as we saw him last week and had a great time for their 60th wedding anniversary. He was talking about a dog, his died last year.
The evening before was a ridiculous screaming match between me and my DH and my adult children. Turns out I have been taking photos of every bruise and he has been recording all of our phone calls.
Meanwhile, my wonderful adult DC are emptying what was the study and turned into a junk room. I am trying to stop them throwing a lot of stuff out so they have banished me . It was supposed to be a quick visit to throw stuff in the skip and just catch up. Everyone ended screaming at everyone else last night , and the phone call this morning ( FIL has been unwell) but even with that they have to keep his body for a week at the hospital as it is an unexplained death so the coroner has to make a ruling.
My kids convinced me to go to rehab last night and I will but I will spend the whole time terrified that my DH and my 28yo ( not his son) will kill each other.
Life is fecked

DH won't be home for a few days at least. Can anyone keep me company?

Of course she is. Alcoholics often deny they've been drinking.

Thank you for all replies ( even the nasty ones). Apologies for any incoherence on my part. The reason I have to wait for DH to be back is that our DS needs a lift to and from the bus stop everyday. There is no pubic transport. I don't trust my 28yo to do that every day.
The bruises are mostly from falling over, Some like last nights are from DH. Oldest DS jokingly fighting over who held the Doritos with DH and I jumped into help my son, laughing and DH grabbed my wrist to get me off. It left a bruise striaght away. He just doesn't know how strong he is, and I bruise easily so it's a perfect storm.

OP, can your DH become nasty and/or threatening when angry?

Thank you so much for your kind and wise words. I feel we may be kindred spirits. I hope with all my heart that everything works out as best it can for yyou. 😓

Very aggressive but ok if left alone.

Screw him, go to rehab asap. Don’t wait the full month, please get help to get away from him

you can call the police for those bruises he inflicted on you and for all the times he was aggressive towards you.

if youre too scared please DM me and I’ll do it on your behalf.

You seem vulnerable right now and he seems to be taking advantage of that

The police can get rid of him so that you and your son are safe in your house

I was and am sober. Just distressed. Anyway , I have already said I will go to rehab so I don't understand the point of your post except to be mean when most people have been lovely. I will go to the crematorium , not sure wether to take me just turned 14yo and then I will go to rehab. I can't just not turn up. I won't be back to this thread I think, but ta to all the lovely people and best wishes with those going through something similar. xxxxx

my

Are you in the UK?

That question has already been asked and answered.

Would it not have been quicker just to write

southern hemisphere

Not as quick as you reading the OP's posts.

It is no wonder that your eldest son is volatile he will be traumatised whether you want to believe it or not - he has grown up with an alcoholic mother by the sounds of it.

I'm sure you don't mean to be a bad parent but nobody can be a good one whilst being an alcoholic and people sending you nice messages and calling you sweetheart is only reinforcing your victim complex that you seem to have.

You have already said that you bruise very easily (being grabbed by the waist) why is that? The fact that your family is recording you is strong evidence that you act in a completely unreasonable way when you are under the influence but you don't want to believe it.

Alcoholics can have devastatingly nasty personalities when drunk but conveniently for them don't remember any of this when they sober up but their loved ones do and often the alcoholic expects them to just forgive and move on as as far as they're concerned all is fine.

Your son is probably also at the end of his tether living with a hoarder, I'm not sure why you expect sympathy for the fact your son had to resort to ordering several skips and cleaning YOUR room out, it must have been really really bad.

It's your children I feel sorry for.

I sincerely hope you take the help being offered and don't try to turn it round as you are being hard done to. You won't be seeing the situation clearly for what it is in your state of mind.

If this person had said they were male they likely wouldn't have had a single pleasant message.

You give me too much credit!

Step away from the Gin, and come back when sober to unpick the mess here

What an absolute shit show you’ve created for your poor kids .Cant imagine the damage they’ve suffered over the years

You’ve had Too much tea and sympathy and not enough facing reality by the sound of it.

@carconcernsspot on

I don't think AIBU is the right place for you at this moment in time you are clearly under the influence of something or in the middle of some sort of episode.

Wow

The reason I have to wait for DH to be back is that our DS needs a lift to and from the bus stop everyday. There is no pubic transport. I don't trust my 28yo to do that every day.

Why not just trust your 28yo to do it? You have to go to rehab and let other people step up. Honestly, everything sounds like an excuse to not go, so you can keep saying 'I am definitely going to rehab so there's no need to go on about it... but I'm just not going yet because of xyz whatever today's reason is'. You can put it off indefinitely, esp in a family as chaotic as this sounds. But your DC themselves made you promise to go. Don't make out you're staying for them.

Alcoholics that need to go into detox/rehab aren't regarded as fit/safe to hold a driving licence (checked NZ and Australian laws about this before posting). Is anybody aware that you still drive despite being in active addiction?

Hello. I'm sorry if I sounded mean. That was not my intention and I really do wish you all the best lovely x

Some really unnecessarily cruel posts on here.
It says a lot about someone who would post on an anonymous forum to kick someone when they’re down. The op may be an alcoholic and hopefully she will find the strength to change but anyone who would choose to be unkind when you don’t even know the full context in my opinion is an absolute dickhead with or without alcohol.

My dad was an alcoholic so I know what it’s like being the child of one but I also know like all people, not all alcoholics are the same. Not all are nasty when drunk. Some people have been through serious trauma and it’a a mental illness. Being cruel certainly won’t help and to be honest the op hasn’t done anything to warrant it- she has asked for help.

I agree. Some absolutely vile people on this thread. OP, there is an Alcohol Support section on MN where you will get good advice and support. It might be better re-posting there and leaving this thread. I think there's some people just trawl AIBU trying to be as nasty as they can without any thought at all for the person posting.

@JollyGreenSleeves Some really unnecessarily cruel posts on here.
It says a lot about someone who would post on an anonymous forum to kick someone when they’re down.

There is currently a thread about how awful some posters are, and some posters are being rude, dismissive and aggressive on that thread. There is no helping some people, they just get their kicks by beating down vulnerable people.