To move home 3 months after emigrating?

[OneGoldKoala]

My husband got a job in another European country so we sold up and we all moved with him… all very exciting but oh my goodness I’m so unhappy. It’s so lonely. Our toddler is so disregulated. I’m crying all the time. Husband is constantly working.

AIBU to throw in the towel, admit it was a huge mistake and go home?

Amsterdam so on paper perfect

Amsterdam can be a bit full on 😁 It’s so cool and fun and bonkers in parts, but also busy everyone just rushing around.

Culturally the Dutch and Brits (assuming you are?) are usually quite compatible.

what aspects do you struggle with? Meeting new people? There should be loads of other expats and visitors from other countries,

are you a SAHM? That seems to be pretty unusual amongst the people I know there, so may be harder to find someone with a similar lifestyle

Are you able to enjoy the fun parts of living there?

Having lived overseas for a few years in my 20s/30s, I'd say the 3-6 month period was definitely the worst. Severe homesickness.... and I spoke the language. Finding a support network was definitely the best thing, and made the next 2.5 years fly by. I'd stick it out a bit longer. x

There's a mumsnetter in Amsterdam, who writes a blog. I'll see if I can bring her to the thread.
I'm in NL too but not near Amsterdam unfortunately.

@LondonMummer is the poster, although it looks like she's mostly based in the UK.
I often see a FaceBook group Amsterdam Mammas recommended too.
And if you look on the Living Overseas board there's other posters in the Randstadt.

Thanks for tagging me. I actually commented upthread and also mentioned Amsterdam Mamas :). It’s an amazing resource. As you say I’m not Amsterdam based so can’t help ‘on the ground’ but Amsterdam Mamas is 100% the group that can. And as I flagged to the OP they are looking for new volunteers at the moment so it’s the perfect way to build friendships with likeminded mums in exactly the same situation.

Oh my. You poor thing: Holland is a tough one. Three months in is a bad time anywhere. And I suspect it's common to expect the Netherlands to be very like the UK, and it's really really not. Treat it like being in a totally weird and alien country and seek out other immigrants/expats (whichever term you prefer!). If you can find someone you can laugh with about the oddities of Dutch life, it'll feel better. Dutch friends willl come along in time. Your DH at work probably also needs to be able to vent about the real strangeness. There are several useful books ("Dealing With The Dutch" I found helpful: coldness, bluntness, unwillingness to take responsibility, the pitfalls of the culture of compromise, tall poppy syndrome etc). Apologies to Dutch MNs: I'm not saying British culture is "better", just saying it's remarkably different. (To start with, we close our curtains at night 😅). Good luck: spring has arrived. Get outdoors as much as possible. If you don't stop crying soon, seek professional help

Ha ha - As an early 60s couple about to apply for self employed visas for Netherlands ,( we have a longstanding business we can work from anywhere in EU if we get the visas) I know totally what you are saying . We did 20 months in Copenhagen during covid and the Danes don’t even have curtains or blinds in lots of cases - !! That was a weird one that hadn’t crossed my mind - even better when you move in there, you don’t have your ceiling lights connected up and working ( and this wasa high end rental) first week was a blur of Ikea for upstairs blinds and curtains and voiles and electricians and handymen ref the lights . Certain other things there took me by surprise too, plenty of older Danes were unfriendly and blunt to the point of rudeness - ( and we were late 50sat the time) it’s generally expected you shovel snow all outside your house /clear pavements etc - and actually I could see if you had young kids but were not working it might be difficult to find lots of classes/fun stuff for mums with under 5s - because it seemed to be that most parents both worked full time or as near as and youngsters in nursery from end of maternity leave onwards. I would def be looking on Facebook for various ‘expat’ groups in that area as there are a lot and just reaching out and asking for any support/help/company etc - huge ‘expat’ Netherlands forums on Reddit too OP. I think if you can find even just a few regular
thingscto go to, people to meet, it will make a huge difference to how you feel .

in my defence I was very tired last night! I nearly tagged a poster from 2012 as well.

I take it back!! The OP started two threads and I think I responded on the other one. Maybe I’m even more tired than you

😂